


Jadeandtorimakeablog

by Walterswain



Category: Jori - Fandom, Victorious
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 17:59:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 58,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6249862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Walterswain/pseuds/Walterswain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Her world was inhabited by sunshine, optimism and rainbows. Mine was overcast with thunderstorms, death and destruction. They shouldn't mix. But gradually gravity was beginning to pull us closer; conversations, laughter and understanding. Until eventually our worlds had to collide."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fake Smiles

/JADE/

"Jade. Say something."

I clench my teeth so hard together that my jaw starts to ache, my jacket still hanging loosely between my fingertips. I shouldn't have bothered bringing it with me because it was stupidly hot in Beck's trailer tonight. The uncomfortable, thick and heavy heat which drags your mind into a sluggish stupor. That kind of suffocating temperature which I hated. I shift my bag strap on my shoulder. The fabric of my thin black shirt was clinging to my skin with the humidity. I don't know what else to do with my other hand so it idly toys with my shirt button, my fingers plucking at the loose stitches that held it together as the silence stretches on between us.

Behind Beck, I can see the RV rules board and I have to bite down on my tongue.

Remember that you love Jade.

He had scrawled that message exactly one week ago. He had insisted on writing it down. At the time, I had mistakenly thought it had been sweet of him, but now the bitter, ironic meaning behind the line made bile crawl up my throat. He had to constantly remember that he loved me. He had to remind himself to hold my hand, tell me how much I meant to him, and he had to write it down on his stupid board so he didn't forget - practically forcing it into some kind of mantra or command.

I study the words again, watching them merge in front of my eyes.

Remember that you have to love Jade.

Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe I was fabricating something that wasn't there, but making him the enemy was definitely less painful than facing the alternative.

On the shelf, I catch a glimpse of a framed picture. It was a candid snap of us at the last Hollywood Arts party last year, pretty much the only one I allowed Beck to keep on public display. My stomach churns sharply and the overwhelming emotions surge upwards, suddenly threatening to pull me apart from the inside out until I screamed.

The button snaps off in my fingers.

We were poised in the frame, frozen in time with his lips crushed against my own. And I would always remember that particular kiss, the desperation, the fire that lit up his deep brown eyes.

It made me sick to think just how long that fire had been extinguished.

"You didn't open the door." My voice is dry and scratchy, as if someone had reached down and scrubbed sandpaper over my larynx.

I look back at the picture again. His gentle smile had turned into a mocking leer while he held me in his arms.

My fingers twitch.

I want to reach out and smash the glass, shatter the image because it had all been for nothing. He had been trying to get through to me, to break down my walls, without even knowing he already had. He was the only one who I had opened up to, the only one who I had actually allowed in. I had trusted Beck to keep me safe. I stupidly believed we could coexist within the confines of my stone fortress but instead, he decided to just leave in the night and burn down the drawbridge as he went. He kept me trapped inside, only willing to offer up weak excuses from across the burning wreckage.

Beck exhales, running a hand through his hair. "I didn't open the door because... I can't stand us fighting all the time."

"Oh, you can't stand the fighting." I scoff. I want my voice to be sharp and cold. I want it to hold all of the resentment, the pain and betrayal that was boiling inside of me, instead of the high pitched whine which spilled from my lips. "You don't have to fucking sugarcoat it. We're over. Okay? I get it!"

His eyebrows crease with concern and I turn away so he can't see the tears start to brim behind my eyes. I don't know why I bothered. He knew my anger had a direct link to my tear ducts. He knew me better than anyone, and he didn't even realize it.

My pulse is roaring in my ears, the crushing heat of his metal prison was becoming too much to bear. I was slowly being roasted alive. There was a warmth on my cheeks as color rushed to the surface of my pale skin, but whether it was from the heat or anger, I didn't know.

I didn't care.

A cup of coffee sits on the bedside table, stone cold and long since forgotten after I had started shouting. His red plaid shirt is draped over the chair and I could see my scissors on the table. It was all so typically laid out, like I hadn't just driven to my boyfriend's RV to confront him about not opening Tori's stupid door tonight. I had counted and waited but the door never opened. I was fully expecting Beck to be beside me in a matter of seconds, but he had stayed on the other side of the door, essentially driving a knife into my heart without even physically touching me.

I wanted to believe this was an awful dream, a twisted collection of nightmares which usually plagued my sleep. Any minute now I'd wake up, trembling in his arms and he would be quick to reassure me. He would say that he wasn't leaving me before pressing kisses anywhere he could reach. But his eyes remained serious, and with each passing second I felt myself sink lower and lower.

"I'm not saying it's over, Jade. I still love you." He avoids my eyes and I knew he was lying, working his acting charms like a dusting of icing sugar. Those same charms he had used to win me - were now being used to break me. It made sense really, to finish with me using sweet talk, that way he couldn't be associated as the bad guy. He could pin it all down to me. He was a skilled enough performer to know that by using his charisma, by inserting a compromise, it would cushion the blow for him. A kiss with a fist and I couldn't say anything.

"You know anyone would be lucky to have you-"

"Oh. Will you quit feeding me lines from some fucking script and talk to me?" My voice is strained, vocal chords burning with fury. I can see myself doing it. I could snatch up the picture frame and bring it down on his pretty face, imagining the glass shattering everywhere with so much blood staining the floor, getting matted in his perfect hair. It's a satisfying image, but my hand stays down by my side. "Isn't it bad enough that you broke up with me through a door? Now you're trying to lie to me too? Are you doing this on purpose?"

Beck takes a step back and raises his hands in surrender. Once things got too hard or too difficult with us, he would retreat and leave me to fend for myself. He always figured that was what I wanted; maybe he didn't know me as well as I thought.

I want to kiss him. I want to kill him. I want to wrap my hands around his neck and kiss him so hard that he couldn't breathe and it leaves bruises. I want my lips to erase whatever doubts he has ever had about us. Make him take back his words, make him choke on them. Instead, I shrug on my jacket and push past him.

"Wait, Jade? Where are you going? It's almost two in the morning. Let me drive you home." I almost throw my head back and laugh loudly, wishing I could laugh long and hard until my throat was raw and sore with masking over the hurt. He was still pretending to care, as if casually throwing years of memories away still warranted some kind of friendship. I continue to ignore him and keep gathering my things together, shoving anything I could reach into my bag. My tears make my vision messy but I am determined as Hell to get out of here with at least a shred of dignity still intact.

He had taken everything else.

"Jade. Please." Beck blocks the exit with desperation. "You're not in the right state to drive. I want to make sure you get home safely."

This time, I don't stop the laugh.

"Why should you care what happens to me?" Hands that once held his with tenderness and love, now push him aside. I have to override the natural instinct to wrap my arms around him, forcing myself forward. Every fiber inside of me is screaming to turn around and go back. Go straight back into his arms and let him envelop me in that familiarity I had grown so accustomed to. But I don't. I can't. Because the Beck I knew was gone, leaving nothing behind save for his fake apologies and some memories in a picture frame.

It was too late now anyway.

My shoulder shoves open the door and right away my skin feels the cold chill cut underneath my jacket. I keep going, right past my car. I can hear him shouting something else but his words get whipped away by the wind. I don't stop. I refuse to even look back until my tears made the lines on the road a blurred mess.

Even when my legs start to ache and cramp, I keep moving. No longer caring or bothering to pay any attention to where I was walking. My brain has already started cycling through a million cruel scenarios, all of them with more desirable outcomes than this. Beck taking me in his arms. Beck running after me and apologizing, genuinely apologizing. Beck realizing what an idiot he was. Beck... Beck. I kick at a stone viciously, listening to it skitter across the road and drop into a storm drain. Now that I was left alone with my thoughts, they came flooding in to torture me, pick at me like vultures because he wasn't around to hold them at bay. The tears had dried up for now, replaced with a dull gnawing pain in my gut, as if someone was gradually sawing away at my intestines but I still hadn't come out under from the anesthesia.

Most of the shops we're all closed down for the night and I accidentally catch a glimpse of myself in one of the windows: puffy red eyes, blotchy cheeks marked with dried tear stains and messed up hair. I know I should be at home. I should be curled up in bed and sobbing my heart out over his old shirt or a teddy bear, like all normal teenage girls do after a break up. But I felt reckless. I wanted to do something stupid. Maybe wind up in the hospital struggling on a drip in critical condition because it would fucking teach him for leaving me-

"Hey pretty thing. Where do you think you're goin'?" I halt in the middle of the street, my fingers automatically twitching for my scissors. I had left them behind.

Well shit.

The man swaggers closer, a boldness brought on by the stench of alcohol on his breath. I draw back, shoving the hood up on my jacket to disappear, but Jack Daniels isn't finished. "Aww don't be like tha' darlin'. We're just some guys looking for some fun. Why else would you be down here and out so late, huh?" He continues to slur and his friends suddenly appear from the shadows, snickering behind him.

"Oh looks like we got ourselves a shy one here boys. It's okay, lost little baby, we'll take you back home." Another voice joins in with the growing crowd and I struggle not to panic. Running would only encourage them and I wasn't even sure if I could trust my legs to function properly right now. They'd outrun me anyway.

"Just back off alright? I'm not in the mood!" I snarl and attempt to turn away only to run smack bang into one of the tallest guys of the trio, all three of the men slowly, and I soon realized with a horrible feeling, methodically herding me into a corner of the alleyway.

He leers down at me through a set of greasy bangs and I take a step back, feeling my phone shift around in my pocket. Somewhere, in the back of mind I knew the correct reaction involved pulling my phone out and threatening to call the police, but my arms remain locked rigid at my sides. My mouth runs dry at the disgusting intentions of these sleazeballs. Their eyes were getting darker, growing hungrier in the moonlight.

"You look upset, Princess. Why don't you take a drink?" Jack Daniels holds out a bottle of the whiskey, the liquid sloshing around behind the dark glass. "It'll cheer you up and then we can all go back to my place." I attempt to direct my notorious death glare at him. I should scream, throw something, kick the nearest guy where it hurts! But I can't. I'm paralyzed or in shock, and my brain refuses to let me move.

"Hey, sweetheart." The leader gets up close and I almost gag at his foul breath. "When a man offers you a drink, the polite thing to do is take it. You're not a bad girl are you?" I curl my fists, finally getting my synapses to make the all important connections and throw a punch in his direction. He grabs my wrist with a snarl, other hands soon joining in to start groping at me. I open my mouth but I can't scream. I can't make a sound. The rough, sweaty palms of a stranger run along my skin to draw out shudders. Hands that didn't belong to Beck. I'm shutting down. My mouth is useless, my limbs are frozen, and I shrink against the grimy brick only able to use my eyes to silently beg them not to do anything.


	2. That Cold Sensation

/TORI/

"No way. That's insane!"

I laugh over the glass rim of my milkshake, pinching the swirly purple straw between my fingers.

After Jade and Beck's argument, we had all attempted to play an awkward round of poker, trying to act as if everything was normal before the uncomfortable silence settled over the group and brought an early end to the evening. Andre was the only one who had stayed behind and we'd both decided it would be better to get out of the house, ending up in this cute little 80's themed diner he had heard about downtown.

I let my fingertip skim around the edge to gather up any stray drops of the spilled shake, idly drawing patterns on the glass.

It was oddly soothing, the sharp, cold sensation biting at my skin.

"So I turned to her and I said grandma, there's no monster underneath your bed, those are just your fuzzy slippers." He shakes his head and I join in with him, sucking at a particularly large and stubborn blob of ice cream.

"Did you ever find out what was wrong with that suspicious looking tree she found?" I start poking around the milkshake with the straw, breaking up the clump.

"Oh that, yeah. I had to go outside at four in the morning to get her to stop hitting it with a bat."

"Wow. She must have really hated that tree."

"Yeah, mother nature didn't stand a chance." He mutters and I grin in triumph, tipping the glass back to reward myself with a mint chocolate piece.

"So do you think Beck and Jade...?" He doesn't finish the question, letting it hang in the air.

I swallow nervously.

Up until now, I'd tried to let their argument fade from my mind.

"Maybe? I don't know. Jade drove home didn't she? I guess we won't hear anything about it until the morning." I shift in my seat, twirling the straw around my empty glass. "Hey, didn't you say you had a crush on someone who worked here?"

"Yep and there she is." Andre gets up quickly and smooths out his jacket. "Kay so I'm gonna go to the restroom. I need you to get me her number while I'm gone. Thanks, Chica. I appreciate it." He pats me on the shoulder with a wink. I swivel around to stare in disbelief. He hadn't even given me time to argue.

"Wait, Andre! You can't seriously expect me to-" but I stop talking because he's already halfway across the diner. I growl and twist back around on my bar stool, fidgeting for a few seconds. It now became obvious to me as to why he was so eager to get here. My fingers pluck awkwardly at the sleeve of my sweater and I wait for an opening, holding up my hand reluctantly to signal to the dark haired waitress.

Andre so owed me for this!

"Hi there..." I squint to read the name badge. "Cassie, right? Yeah so my um- my friend's just gone to the restroom."

"Okay?" She gives me a questioning look. I could feel my cheeks starting to burn.

"Well see, the thing is I'd really like your... digits." Why did I have to wiggle my eyebrows?

She blinks and takes a step back. "Wait. Are you hitting on me?"

"No!" I start to stutter. "No -no. He is - or I am but it's really for a friend. I'm hitting on you for a friend. He's actually the one that wants your numb-"

My brain fails to complete the rest of the sentence, my eyes drawn to the large window. A passing car drives by, the headlights suddenly illuminating a familiar pale figure in a blast of light. Through the slightly frosted glass, I'm almost certain I could see the colored green streaks on black before it all melted back into the shadows. I couldn't be completely sure about what I had just witnessed but something in my gut was telling me to go after them.

"Uh actually, hang on one second." I drop down from the bar stool without another word, watching the figure suddenly turn and vanish down an alleyway. I don't hesitate to grab my jacket and follow, shoving open the door to the diner.

The black night has long since claimed the Los Angeles skyline and the freezing chill sweeps inside, sending an uneasy sensation down my spine. I wrap my jacket tighter around myself, crushing my arms to my chest to keep out the cold.

What are you doing, Tori? I could hear my brain yelling at me, shouting at my common sense to break through and reason with me. I shouldn't be out here alone. The warm lights and the safety of the restaurant tried to beckon me back but my instinct kept screaming at me, pushing my feet forward.

"Just back off alright? I'm not in the mood!"

I freeze.

My heart stops at the sound of the voice before full awareness takes over my body.

I'm running.

I'm racing as fast as I can down the alleyway before I could even stop myself or let my brain catch up with what I was doing. I see a hooded group of men at the end of the back street, see the half empty bottles clutched in shaky hands as they surround a much smaller, more fragile figure. My fingers fumble hurriedly in my jacket pocket for my assault whistle and I blow out three shrill screeches, satisfied as the group of men panic, scattering in all directions.

I pocket the whistle quickly and rush over to the shaking form huddled against the wall. She had sunken to the floor and curled herself up tight against the corner, trembling like a small frightened animal. I crouch down to be at her level, slowly pulling back the hood so I didn't startle her. Immediately, terrified and frenzied hands lash out to try fight me off but I quickly wrap my fingers around each wrist, holding them still in a gentle yet firm grasp. My murmured reassurances coil and twist in the cold night air.

"Hey, hey. It's me, it's Tori. Tori Vega. You're okay. You're safe now." I release her wrists when she's finally calm enough, moving my head to look into those familiar blue eyes. What I see terrifies me.

They were lifeless.

Where the usual bright irises would glint back playfully, there was nothing. No emotion, no feeling behind them. Her black hair was tangled and her cheeks were marked with tear stains. I settle down on the ground and carefully wrap my arms around her. I'm not sure why, and I couldn't explain it, but I carefully gather her up in my lap. One hand rests on the small of her back while I gently rock us back and forth. It felt almost natural, like the right thing to do. Her fingertips cling to my shirt to confirm it.

The person I held in my arms wasn't the person I knew. This was some... stranger who had taken over her body. I honestly had no idea what had come over me but I felt the responsibility, the need to shield her and protect her tonight. Even if she said over and over that we weren't friends. She was open, vulnerable and I wasn't leaving her alone. There was no one else around. Clearly, she needed help, and who knows what those... creeps would have done if I hadn't pushed myself to come outside.

"Jade..." The name feels unfamiliar on my lips, which is strange because I was certain I'd said it about a hundred times. But this felt different. This time she was numb, unfeeling and...empty. Deadened emotions that clashed with her headstrong character. Had it been a regular night and she'd been upset, I knew she would have just barged into my house and immediately started to rant to me about her problems. But I don't even think she realized where she was right now.

I rub my hands over her back.

I had found Jade West. I was holding her and I'd most likely just saved her from...well it didn't bear thinking about. I notice her shivering and quickly take off my jacket, ignoring the chill that passes through me, wrapping it around her body to keep her warm. She burrows into my chest and I inhale the scent of leather and rich coffee. So very Jade but yet at the same time, she wasn't.

"Jade." It was all I could manage to say, my other words forming, only to dissolve on my tongue. I think I hear her whimper, my arms pulling her closer so her head was resting directly against my heart, the steady thrum beating against my rib cage.

This had to be wrong. I wasn't supposed to see this side of her, ever. Yes, Jade had been upset before but it had never been as serious as this. I knew if she had been in her right state of mind, she would have shoved me off and stormed away in disgust. She hated asking for help. I knew her well enough to know that it took a lot for her to even swallow her pride. But here she was, curled up in my lap and almost silently asking to be comforted.

The noises of the city seem to echo distantly as we continue to sit together. I don't want to move her. I can't even say how long we'd been out there, with me simply listening to the steady sounds of her breathing. I watch her eyelids start to flicker, my heart squeezing with that strange rush of protection. Jade knew she was safe with me so she lets her eyes finally close, shutting out the world.


	3. A Villain's Perspective

/JADE/

I don't know what happened. How did I get here?

My eyes flick from one side of the room to the other, taking in the familiar surroundings of the Vega's living room, the couches, the picture frames, the rounded cushions, and the various ornaments lining the shelf. I can feel something warm resting on my forehead and faintly remembered being half guided and half carried into the back of a cab before everything went black.

Someone is in the kitchen, clattering around with the mugs and spoons, the smell of coffee drifting over to where I'm sat.

I knew the scent should trigger something but I came up blank.

My bones creak and ache in response when I sit up. I wonder exactly how long I'd been unconscious for. The warm cloth falls from my forehead and lands in my lap. I can just about register that my black skirt is stained and dirty. Wincing, I trace my finger around a bruise on my wrist, briefly questioning how many other injuries I'd suffered while in my comatose state. But then, I didn't care.

"Yeah dad. It was three guys. I didn't get to see their faces because I scared them off." I hear Tori's voice behind me.

I take a sharp breath, the whimper leaking out of my trembling lips.

Those men. Those...animals had touched me.

"I'm pretty sure one of them was wearing a dark blue jacket. 5'8 medium build..."

I could have died tonight. I should be dead.

"I don't think they did. She was still... clothed." Tori drops her voice to a whisper and I can feel her eyes burning into me. "Okay. Thanks dad, talk to you later."

I keep my eyes focused straight ahead, staring at the blank television screen. A pathetic, hopeless part of me was still expecting Beck to come bursting through the front door. I was still waiting for him to scoop me into his arms and hold me close. I had it all played out. Tori would call and tell him everything about tonight and he would immediately rush over to take me home, tell me that we can start over, that he made a mistake. But no.

The mistake was believing that I wouldn't get hurt...again.

Oh the fucking irony.

"I wasn't completely sure but do you have your coffee black with two sugars?" I turn my head to see Vega approaching, a steaming mug of coffee in her hand. I look her up and down. I can't trust myself to speak or string a sentence together so I just nod, relieved when she accepts the gesture without another word. Both hands wrap around the cup and I sip at the liquid. It was the perfect color, the perfect heat and scent, and I continue to drink despite the fact the taste didn't reach my tongue. The liquid sears the roof of my mouth, a brief moment of pain to drag me from my numb state. I tuck my knees up to my chest, attempting to focus on something, anything else, curling up to stop myself from falling apart all over again.

I had just been molested by three strangers and my mind was still on Beck.

How janked up is that?

"I just called my dad. He's going to send a unit downtown to see if they can get those creeps."

She reaches across and brushes my knee. It's only the lightest of touches but it's enough to make me draw back.

"I'm sorry." She pulls away quickly. "And we don't have to talk about tonight...if you don't want to."

I just grunt in reply. I wasn't ready to start talking. I wasn't ready to do anything. I knew she was referring to what happened tonight in the alleyway. Any normal person would be more concerned about being attacked then some stupid break up, but then I wasn't normal. She obviously wasn't aware I had been to see Beck after the display at her door, that things had ended, officially, but...goddamn it. I was prepared to let go, to erase him. But my thoughts continued to cling on in the desperation that he wouldn't be the same as everyone else.

I snatch at a pillow and hug it tightly, watching Vega reach down and turn on the TV.

My hands tighten around the fabric as Tori flicks through all the channels, always keeping one watchful eye on me to make sure I'm okay. I want to snap at her. I should get up. I should leave without another word, because it's like I'm staying here under false pretenses, milking her sympathy and my situation for a different reason. But I can't bring myself to move. Despite despising her guts, I couldn't deny the odd sense of comfort I felt in her living room.

"Oh hey, the Wizard of Oz is on! I used to watch this movie all the time when I was little!" Tori claps excitedly. I roll my eyes. Sure, I'd easily label the Wizard of Oz as one of those 'must see' classic movies and yes, I enjoyed it, but I would rather gouge my eyes out with a blunt pencil than admit we had anything in common, especially tonight. Trust Tori Vega to try and force some sunshine into the situation.

I notice how she sits awkwardly, subconsciously keeping her distance after my freak out. I was grateful that she didn't push for any more contact. After a few minutes I find myself beginning to subconsciously relax, gradually sinking into the inviting, cheesy color scheme and well known plot, the steaming coffee lulling me into a mindless state.

We watch the movie in shared mutual silence, the only interruptions coming from Tori slurping at her drink. My teeth grind together in irritation when Dorothy throws the bucket of water at the witch, watching her melt into nothing but a puddle. I am fully expecting for Tori to cheer or do some sort of stupid victory fist pump. It was just something I could picture her doing during movies, when the good guys finally won. I glance over. Maybe I was imagining it, but she actually shifted a little uncomfortably in her seat.

The credits eventually roll across the screen and I find I'm reluctant for it to end. Even though it had only lasted for a few minutes, that movie had been my small slice of sanity where I could get lost, I could fully immerse myself away from the world and now I was spit back up into harsh reality. No one knew, but it was part of the reason why I wanted to be a director. To create worlds people could escape to.

That I could escape to.

"You know... I've always disagreed with the ending to the Wizard of Oz." Tori mutters out loud. "I mean, okay the witch was wicked and everything but did she really deserve to die?" I sit up, unable to resist my interest at the question.

"Okay, what? You're actually rooting for the bad guy to win?" She turns to me, looking startled that I'd finally spoken.

"I'm - I'm not necessarily rooting for the witch to win. I just think there was a more reasonable way to get rid of her." She starts picking at the fabric on her sweater, not sure whether she should have said anything. "Maybe lock her up in jail or something?" I smirk, seeing just how out of place Tori had become with that one sentence and I seize on it. I found I wanted to goad her even further because it was making me feel a little more like myself.

"Oh right. Because it's so much safer to lock away the wicked witch. Why, don't you fret about that mean ol' witch an' her nasty powers, the sheriff has thrown her behind bars where she can't hurt nobody no more!" I can't help but use the classic 1940's accent. "Now we can all live happily ever after in a magical rainbow land. Here, Mr Munchkin! Have a candy lollipop to celebrate!"

Tori's lips purse together. I could tell she was resisting the urge to blurt out the sentence that usually followed my imitation.

"But she essentially got the death penalty for wanting a pair of nice shoes! I'm just saying, if it was up to me, I'd be a little more forgiving and put the wicked witch away in a high risk facility prison or something. She wasn't evil. She was... misunderstood." She looks over at me with a small smile and I scoff, setting down my coffee mug.

"Yeah well, in case you haven't noticed Tori, the villains never get the happy endings."

"Well they should once in awhile." She sits up. "Imagine walking into a shoe store, buying a pair of shoes and then getting murdered for it!"

I'm surprised when a snicker leaves my lips.

"I think most villains deserve some kind of happy ending..."

I challenge her with a raised eyebrow. "Oh really?"

She stumbles over her words. "Oh- okay, I'm not saying that the bad guys should always win, but I think they should at least be given a chance to redeem themselves?" She drains the last of her coffee. "Some people are evil - or believe they are, but it's only because they've been dealt with a bad hand in life. Maybe they just needed someone to show them the good inside."

Our eyes meet.

"I mean there's always two sides to every story."

"And we only ever hear from the heroes." I mutter.

It was strange and ridiculous, but I almost felt a little bit... lighter just by talking to Tori. As if a small weight had been lifted temporarily from crushing my chest. I wasn't sure if this new development should scare me or comfort me but either way, I knew for tonight, I didn't want it to end. I couldn't go back to the empty, terrifying numb feeling again, clawing at the walls of my own brain. I see Tori flashing her stupid grin at me and I loathed to admit that it was infectious. I cover my mouth with the rim of my coffee mug.

My heart was still hanging on by a single thread right now, but Tori was that last thread. Holding me up, supporting me until I was actually ready to fall apart. Filling the void with words and small gestures of comfort. I was only waiting now for the cold realization to hit, before the thread snapped and the pieces needed picking up from the floor.


	4. Notifications

/TORI/

"I don't think I have any black pajama shirts. What's wrong with the purple one with the sunflower?"

I watch with concealed amusement, witnessing Jade pick her way through my wardrobe selection like she was inspecting something horrifying. She had grudgingly accepted my black Hollywood Arts sweatpants - though I had to insist I hadn't worn them yet several times. I lounge back. I had already changed into my blue silk top with matching pants and then at Jade's demands, I'd pulled out every single dark piece of clothing I owned so she could find a shirt to wear to bed.

I had to admit, it was pretty surreal to watch Jade move about in my room. Her black on black on more black clothing looking out of place in my brightly decorated walls, but I couldn't say I didn't secretly enjoy this moment...or deny how pleased I was she had decided to sleep over.

"Yeah. I would rather have my insides ripped out with a fishing hook than wear something with a sunflower on it." I hear her toss more options to the floor, listening to a low hum in the back of her throat as she considers the least offensive garment. "Alright. Guess this will have to do." She sighs and picks up an old black t-shirt, suddenly wrinkling her nose with disgust. "It smells like you." I can't help but roll my eyes towards the ceiling.

"Of course it smells like me. It's my shirt."

"Don't remind me."

"You know, you don't have to wear a shirt." I shut my mouth quickly and turn away, but Jade had caught what I said. My cheeks start to burn furiously. I wish my bed would collapse in on itself and swallow me in that very moment. The words had just tumbled out of my mouth without my brain going through the vital and important process of checking as to whether it was okay to say, bypassing every firewall and filter ever. I feel the springs shift on the mattress, the rustle of fabric as Jade undressed. I crane my neck so far away it hurt. It really wasn't like her not to say anything about my mortifying slip up, but I found myself wishing she would almost comment on it.

I turn back when she was settled, my eyes immediately drawn to her slender body. Her figure hugged my old t-shirt better than I ever could. Those curves clinging to the fabric in all of the right places, the low cut collar pushed out by her breasts and the hem barely riding up to expose her flat and slightly toned stomach. My eyes travel to her navel and I could see the small muscles rippling underneath the pale skin.

Oh God. She looked good.

"Is there something I can help you with, Tori?" I blink, seeing her eyes narrowed.

"What? Oh no, no. I was just-" I run a hand around the back of my neck. "Why don't we get comfortable?"

"Fine but just so you're aware. This still doesn't mean I like you." Jade pulls back the covers, sliding underneath them with her back to me.

"Of course not."

"We're not staying up all night to do each other's hair, we're not watching stupid chick flicks and having pillow fights. We're sleeping." I nod along, even though she can't see me and Jade seems satisfied with the silence. She grabs my blanket to wrap around herself, only leaving me with a small sliver, but I let her take it without argument - she was in need of the comfort more than I was tonight.

I lay down and slowly watch the darkness grow even more pressing in my bedroom, the moon highlighting my small trinkets so they cast shadows around the walls. I pull out my phone, relieved to see it was working for now and skim through the multiple text messages from Andre. I type back a quick reply. I felt guilty for abandoning him at the diner but I knew Jade wouldn't want anyone to see her like this.

I seemed to be the only one allowed to see her at her most vulnerable.

Sorry I bailed on you. At home with Jade. Explain later.

My thumb scrolls through my contacts and hovers over Beck's name. I try his number and reach his voicemail, my phone cutting out before I could leave a message. It had only been a few hours since Jade and Beck's argument. Maybe contacting him about Jade wasn't the best idea. I'd do it in the morning when everything had calmed down. She was safe at mine tonight, no point in getting him worried.

I close my eyes with a sigh and let the events of tonight wash over my body. Jade's chest is rising and falling gently beside me and I can't resist a small peek, knowing it was a rare opportunity to see the fearsome Jade West asleep, especially in my bed. I knew this tender moment between us probably wouldn't last. She just needed someone for comfort and for some reason, I was always the first person she ran to. Except... this wasn't the same. Because instead of her showing up at my door, I had run to her. I was the one who picked her up in the alleyway and made sure she got somewhere safe, the one who treated her bruises and held her close. I couldn't explain it, but for some reason, it just felt... different.

She turns over, a small sigh escaping from her lips. She looked so innocent, so calm and peaceful, her hair falling gently over her cheek that I felt the sudden desire to tuck it back behind her ear.

A vibration makes Jade's phone shake on the bedside table, a light flashing through the darkness. A Slap update from her phone. I swipe through to the notification knowing I shouldn't look but the curiosity gets the better of me, the status making my heart leap up into my mouth.

Beck Oliver is no longer in a relationship.  
Posted a second ago.

I feel Jade twitch in her sleep beside me, her fingers moving underneath the covers. I stare at the status update again, blinking twice to make sure I was reading it correctly. Everyone knew Beck and Jade had been arguing more recently, but neither of them had ever gone as far to change their relationship status. This had to determine it was serious. I quickly switch the vibration to silent as the messages come pouring in; comments, questions and people demanding answers, and Jade didn't even know yet. I debate waking her up, but then I figured she had already suffered through enough tonight. I quietly set the phone back on the bedside table.

"Tori..." A bleary, half asleep mumble makes me jump in the darkness and I open my mouth to respond, stuttering with an apology for snooping through her phone, but Jade still had her eyes firmly shut, burrowing herself even deeper into my covers.

"Tori." She breathes out again.

I don't have to think about it. I move to wrap my arms around her body once more, giving Jade what she wanted. My heart is pounding furiously against my chest, the organ beating itself against my rib cage. I was worried Jade could hear it because I definitely could, the deafening sound in my ears as I held onto her. She was still murmuring my name and I force myself to stay calm and still, half expecting her to wake up, to push me away. But she does something so out of character for Jade, that I have to squeeze her a little, remind myself I wasn't dreaming. Because, just as I had gathered her up in my arms in the alleyway, she didn't shove me off.

She held on tighter.


	5. Open Heart Surgery

/JADE/

I didn't even need to ask what notification had appeared on TheSlap last night. Tori had been so careful to try and shield it from me but I already knew. The status update which confirmed my worst nightmare. I didn't even bother checking my Slap page but the notifications bled all over it, each red marker another nail in the coffin. I had no fucking idea how long it took to get over long term relationships. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I just knew that I wanted to stop feeling as if my heart was being fed through a paper shredder multiple times.

I shouldn't be feeling so emotional over some guy.

But he wasn't 'some guy' He was Beck. My stupid -now ex-boyfriend -Beck. Beck, who would give me a ride to school sometimes, who would buy me coffee, treat me to dinner or a movie when he decided to be romantic. Beck, who would break my heart into a million fucking pieces and expect me to be okay.

I had to stop. I had to stop thinking about him. It was all over now and I could deal with it.

I had to.

I force myself to sit up. My fingers run through my messed up hair and I wait for my surroundings to swim into focus. It felt strange, waking up somewhere that wasn't my place or Beck's RV, but there was no mistaking where I was. From the purple and silver wallpaper to the various objects plastered in mustache stickers, this was definitely Tori's room.

Yeah, I had poked around here before, but she had made a few changes since then. There were less stuffed animals sitting on the shelves and her books had been carefully separated and organized from novels to science nerd volumes. The desk was covered in a mixture of crumpled paper balls, chewed pens, and empty candy wrappers, and I had an image of Vega sitting there, shoveling candy after candy into her mouth in an attempt to keep herself awake to finish an assignment. My glance falls to the alarm clock. It was just past 6AM. I slip out of the bed, the morning rays slowly beginning to filter through the window.

I pick up my clothes from yesterday and change quickly, discarding the borrowed pajamas at the foot of the bed. I could have gone home in Vega's clothes but I wanted to disassociate myself from her. I didn't want a single reminder. My eyes land on Tori, her hair scattered over her face while she shivers underneath a small, thin blanket. She had let me take all the covers last night. I hesitate before grabbing the other blanket, draping it across her and she instantly stops shaking.

I shouldn't be leaving like this. I should at least wake her up and say thank you or something, hell, even leave a note on the pillow, but my pride wouldn't allow it, so I cast one more look around the bedroom before closing the door quietly behind me.

As soon as I'm outside I reach into my pocket for my phone, snatching it up to skim through my contacts. It wasn't a long walk to get back to my house but with the way that I was feeling right now, I wasn't sure if I could trust myself to head in the right direction. My finger flicks through the list, weighing up each choice: Cat would bring her brother along and that was the last thing I needed, Beck wasn't an option anymore, and there was no way I was asking Robbie for help.

I hit the dial button.

"Hey Andre? It's Jade. I know it's early but I need a ride home. I don't have my car."

"Oh Jade! Yeah, yeah. I'll be right over. Are you still at Tori's?" I freeze with the phone to my ear, and Andre must pick up on my surprise, offering up an explanation. "She texted after she abandoned me last night saying she was with you."

I nod slowly, thankful it was all Vega had told him, then I remember he can't see me. "Yeah, I'm still here."

"Okay. I'll be there soon."

"Thanks." I hit the end call button and decide to hang back underneath a tree to wait. If Tori looked out of her window right now, she wouldn't be able to see me. I wrap my arms tighter around myself. I didn't want her to see me because I was certain that if she did, she'd rush outside and try and coax me back and I wasn't sure if I'd be able to resist that invitation.

A part of me was dying to stay, to climb back into the comfort of Tori's bed and deal with all of these mounting problems later, but I make myself wait until Andre comes around the corner, sliding into the passenger seat.

"So I'm guessing I shouldn't ask about what happened...?" His brow furrows as he eyes me, and I could tell he was waiting for answers. I wasn't in the mood to give them, so I change the topic quickly.

"What are you doing up so early?" He sighs, but doesn't push me.

"My Grandma woke me up screaming." He shrugs it off as if it was nothing unusual. "She thought there was a someone spying outside the house, but it was just the neighbor's cat."

"Makes sense."

"Oh hey." Andre slows to a stop at a red light, turning to me. "Tori didn't mention anything about a number, did she? We went out last night to this diner and I asked her to get this waitress's number. Do you know if she got it?" I snigger quietly, just imagining how deliciously awkward that situation must have been.

"No. She didn't say anything. But where's this diner?"

"Down 18th and Boulevard. Why?"

"No reason." I mumble before we both go quiet.

It's not a long drive, but the awkward silence makes it stretch on forever, and the closer we get to my house, the more the uncomfortable sharp feeling begins to creep up, tearing at my stomach, as if something inside of me had snapped and my body was still too in shock to process the damage.

Andre pulls up outside my house and I give him a stiff nod of gratitude, his warm smile full of sincerity.

"Hey, Jade?" I turn back to find him leaning over the seats, one hand keeping the passenger door open behind me. I almost dread what he was about to say, expecting some sympathetic response to Beck's Slap update last night, instead, he pins me with an earnest look. "You know you can call me whenever you need to, alright?"

"Yes."

"Oh and if you give me your keys I can go get your car now. That way you'll have it to drive to school today."

I detach my car keys. "Just get it whenever."

"Okay. Will I see you later?"

I just give him a shrug in return, turning my back on him to walk up the driveway to the house. I slide my key into the lock of my front door. It's not until I get inside and into my bedroom that I take a proper look at myself, my nose wrinkling in actual revulsion. My hair was a mess, matted and tangled from the night before. My shirt was creased, my skirt still covered in questionable alleyway stains, and even though I had cleaned myself up at Tori's, I could still see the faint smudges of eye liner that had lingered behind.

Fuck. I was a zombie.

I toss my bag on the chair and turn on the shower, cranking the heat up until it was barely above mildly scalding - the way I loved it. I shed my dirty clothes and step underneath the spray, relishing how the hot water made goosebumps ripple along my skin, the steam rising up quickly to shield me from view. I let the water coat my aching limbs, wanting the liquid to cleanse my body and erase the last few hours, getting lost in the steam as my skin becomes hot to the touch within minutes.

I go through the routine motions of shampooing and conditioning my hair, the monotonous pattern managing to keep the torture at bay. It's not until I reach for my shower cream that I notice it. Beck's stupid expensive hair gel just innocently resting on the side.

Without even thinking about it, I snatch up the small bottle and squeeze it hard in my fist, watching the thick yellow goop swirl around the drain before disappearing from sight.

How fucking satisfying.

I crush the tiny bottle until my hands ache and every last drop is squeezed out, silent, angry tears suddenly rolling hot and fast down my cheeks. I refuse to stop until the bottle is deformed, twisted and ruined, and then I toss it away without care, hearing it land somewhere underneath the sink.

He was yet another disappointment. Yet another person who said they would stay, that they would love me and protect me only to eventually get bored or exhausted from having to actually deal with me. These people only saw one thing in me. Of course they knew I'd never be easy but they at least figured the payout would be worth it.

Apparently, it never was.

'Hey pretty thing. Where do you think you're goin?' I freeze underneath the spray, those voices rising up out of nowhere. My arms wrap around my naked body in protection, before I remembered that I was safe and alone. My lips curl into a snarl and I grab the scrubbing brush.

"It's okay lost little baby. We'll take you back home." I start cleaning my body furiously, scratching out everywhere they had touched, determined to erase it all.

"You're not a bad girl, are you?" I'm vaguely aware that I'm drawing blood, watching it merge with the water.

I keep scrubbing until it hurts, the bristles stained with red. I throw it against the wall and sink to the floor, curling in on myself to stop the violent shaking.

My head tilts back and I lay there for what seems like forever, not even daring to move for fear of triggering myself. The night replays over and over in my mind. I curl my fists, not sure whether to laugh or vomit, listening to the water drumming against the porcelain.

I force everything else from my mind, my fingers trembling as they threaded through my hair.

Beck and I were over.

We were over because things got too difficult for him. We were fighting all the time but it's what I figured all couples did, right? You fight and then you move on. It helps to build the relationship, it helps strengthen it. But I had become too fucking much for him. It had become too much of an effort.

I had become so much of an effort that he had to write himself reminders.

I struggle to sit up and briefly contemplate blocking the plughole, letting the bathtub slowly fill with scalding water. I almost willed for it to burn me up so I wouldn't have to deal with how much I was hurting. I wanted to dip my head below the surface and never come back up, just disappear beneath the water and vanish without a trace.

But no.

Beck wasn't worth ending my life over, but my God, I wasn't sure if I could take much more of this...this pain. The yawning ache that echoed hollowly in my chest. A jagged hole where he'd decided to reach inside and tear out a part of my heart to keep for himself, not even thinking to stitch me back up.

He'd left me open and vulnerable, the remains of my organ still bloody and barely beating behind my rib cage.

He had kept his piece like a souvenir while leaving me to deal with the damage he'd created.


	6. 100% Vicious

/TORI/

It had been a full two weeks since I woke up to find Jade had just left my room. I couldn't say I was completely surprised she'd gone without a word, but I had expected her to at least explain why she'd bolted so suddenly, or at the very least to say something to me about what had happened when we next saw each other. But it was as if she was determined to shut everyone out. Ever since that night, she'd been withdrawn around the group, only speaking occasionally in Sikowitz's class, and of those times she would speak in front of any of us, her words were insults thrown in my direction, nastier and more sporadic than usual.

"Tori. I have no idea where you got that sweater from, but it's hideous." I pause with a forkful of spaghetti noodles halfway to my mouth, raising an eyebrow at the unprovoked attack. I glance down at my comfy sweater, a pale yellow with a rainbow heart. I can see the rest of our friends looking around in confusion, but Jade carries on. "It looks like someone decided to vomit all over it." I lower my spaghetti awkwardly, watching Andre push away his pudding cup with a grimace.

"Why are you insulting what Tori's wearing?" Cat pipes up right beside me. I watch Jade swivel her infamous glare on the red head and she cowers back with a small squeak.

This vicious 'bite and blow' response from Jade had now become an integrated part of our daily routine. She would target me mercilessly from the minute I walked through the doors of Hollywood Arts, to the moment I left, and it was actually beginning to remind me of how we first met. Of course, I wasn't particularly thrilled with this new installment of insults, but I noticed it seemed to make Jade calmer and slightly more like herself...so I let her do it.

"Because I can and I want to." Jade snaps back in response. I can sense the whole group shift on edge. Since the break up, it was obvious Jade had become more fragile, and while I knew she she would rather die a horrible, painful death than admit it, it was true, and everyone was treading on eggshells all the time to make sure they didn't push her over the edge. Cat lowers her head, going back to nibbling her strawberries, and I move to pick up my can of Wahoo Punch, but apparently Jade isn't finished yet.

"So Vega. You still haven't gotten your driver's license yet?" My fingers clutch my can a little tighter and Jade seizes on the opportunity. "I mean, that's pretty pathetic don't you think? You should be able to drive by now. You're what? 17?" I start taking deep breaths which Andre notices. He casts a meaningful look at Jade, but she carries on, almost determined to shred me to pieces before noon.

She had practically made it her own personal challenge for each day.

"I mean, Andre has his driver's license, I have my driver's license. Even your untalented irk of a sister has one." She tilts her head. "So what's taking you so long?"

I swallow down my gulp of Wahoo Punch, the liquid bubbles searing my throat as they went, the burn matching the one on my cheeks.

"I-I don't know? I guess I haven't had enough time to concentrate on driving..." I look at Andre for help and he immediately jumps in to rescue me.

"Hey did any of you notice Sikowitz's pants today? Leopard print and zebra stripes. What's up with that?"

Cat recovers with a squeal of excitement. "One time, me and my brother went to the Zoo and he thought he'd wear these zebra leggings..."

I tune out Cat's voice, relieved it was a break for at least a moment. I didn't even notice my noodles had gone cold as I poked at them with my fork unenthusiastically, focusing on chopping them into smaller pieces to avoid looking up. I could feel Jade's eyes boring into me. Those blue irises narrowed into cold chips of ice, just waiting for another opening to resume her vicious attack.

A part of me almost knew why Jade was acting like such a gank, but then the other part was still fumbling through the dark in confusion. It was as if she had decided to take all of her pent up rage and lay it into me over the past few weeks. Painting me as the enemy instead and spitting out insult after insult because I had become her personal psychological punching bag.

I glance up warily, watching her stab at the lettuce on her plate. She wasn't paying attention to Cat's story either; I catch a glint of light bounce off her piercing, buried in a furrowed brow and I had to wonder what she was thinking about. Was she annoyed I had found her in the alleyway? Is that why she had suddenly drawn a target on my forehead? Or was this actually some special 'Jade' way of saying thank you, without admitting she needed my help? Like the first time I helped her get back together with Beck, only for her to make me walk home in the dark, alone. Making a deliberate show of how irrelevant I was...

"...and then the zoo keeper made us leave with the bucket of fish!" Cat finishes her story chirpily.

"What's up you guys?" I freeze as I hear Beck's voice behind me. My heart stops momentarily, immediately switching my glance from him to Jade, just as everyone at the table did the same. The moment he sits down, Jade gets up, abandoning her half eaten salad on the table. She snatches up her bag and then she's gone, without even uttering a word.

Even after two weeks, she still refused to talk to him.

"So um you and Jade...you're definitely broken up then?" Robbie questions after a moment of tense silence. The only reason why I don't kick him under the table is because he's out of my reach. Beck pushes his fingers through his hair in agitation, before popping open the lid to his burrito.

"Yeah. We are."

"But what happened? You two seemed fine a few weeks ago!" Cat moves to start her interrogation, but Beck holds up his hand.

"Listen you guys, I don't want to talk about it. Alright?"

Everyone mumbles and dissolves back into silence. I sigh and return to moving my now mushed up noodles across the plate. I wanted someone to talk, to distract me, because no matter how hard I tried to stop thinking about it, it was impossible. My brain also seemed to enjoy bringing up all kinds of thoughts constantly since I had Jade stay over, especially now, since I knew I wasn't allowed to say anything about our night in the alleyway.

But there was no denying it, Jade West had been curled up in my bed. She had murmured my name over and over in her sleep and she had clung onto me, not once but twice. She had treated me almost like I was a friend. But now she had reverted back, advancing to 100% vicious overnight and it made absolutely no sense! I had helped her, so why was I getting the backlash? Was it because I helped her that she hated me now? Was I supposed to have left her alone that night?

I squeeze my eyes shut.

My mind was getting more and more scrambled the harder I thought about it. Jade had done a complete 180 degree turn, leaving me behind, dizzy and disorientated, with nothing but a crumpled old black shirt to remind me it had happened... and a severe case of whiplash.


	7. Battlefield

/JADE/

I'm sure my throat is closing in on itself. My feet are taking me blindly to the first place they can think of. My subconscious is already beginning to torment me, crippling the small shred of strength I had managed to build up over the last few days.

My hand slams open the door to the Black Box Theater and I'm relieved to see it was deserted. I don't hesitate. Climbing up the ladder quickly, my combat boots crunch on each rung, and I keep going until the height makes me feel dizzy. I reach the very top of the cat walk, and my Gears bag gets kicked to the side before I slump into the shadows, tucking my knees up into my chest in a futile attempt to hold myself together.

It had been two weeks since I left Vega's house without a word. Two goddamn weeks where I had to pretend that I was fine. I refused to acknowledge the sympathetic glances, vehemently ignored every single text message, Slap comment, and phone call, blocking out about 80% of my contact list. Beck had actually had the nerve to try and speak to me since the break up, still going around as if everything was normal. Everyone was keeping their distance, like I was made of glass and one wrong move could shatter me. I had gotten used to people scattering when I approached, but now they were running because they thought I was fragile.

I hated it.

I hated the whispers in the hallways and the way people turned their heads because they thought they knew the whole story. Labeling Beck as the sweet hero who just couldn't cope with the cantankerous bitch. It was just what he wanted. Despite everything I figured that after a few days I'd be okay and back to normal, but, if anything, the pain was even worse. It would start off as a dull ache in the mornings and be agonizing by noon, doubling in it's intensity whenever I saw him.

I snarl in frustration, my hand reaching into my bag to yank out a pencil. I hadn't been at the very top of the catwalk since the beginning of Freshman year. It had always been my sanctuary, a place where I could hide, to disappear from everyone for awhile. I'd discovered it setting up the light fixtures and hadn't told another living soul about it. I was determined to keep it that way. I glance up and study the fading pencil scratches I had etched into the surface of the walls, suddenly and very vividly reminded of the numerous fights and arguments that had driven me up this ladder.

My fingers skim over the crude tallies, a pencil mark for every time I was up here, it was a long time tradition. The ridges dig into my skin. The time I fought with my father when he came home late from work, the time I had accidentally split coffee over my mother's precious scripts, and Beck. Beck was the cause of most of these scrawls. He could be an insensitive and clueless idiot- but he had been my insensitive and clueless idiot.

I see red as I stab the pencil into the wall. I rake it down viciously, furiously scribble out all the other marks, because this was the last fight. The last fight I would have with Beck. Our final battle where he came out practically unscathed and I emerged unrecognizable. The fact that most of the indents were from him should have told me it was going to end this way.

The pressure snaps the pencil in half, the wood splintering in my palm. The sharp noise and destruction soothes me.

It was like living my own personal hell. All I could think about was Beck. I hated the way he made me feel, I hated how he had just left, and I hated myself for acting so stupid over this. It was a constant cycle spinning around and around. I didn't know what I was supposed to do, or what I was supposed to be feeling. It had been three years. Three years I had spent with him. We had mapped out our future together and had even briefly discussed a wedding. I thought everything was great. There were no warning signs to indicate anything was wrong. Okay, sure we'd been fighting more but that was us, that was what we did and we got over it. But now he'd just quit, acting as if the last three years with me meant nothing.

He'd given up the fight but still won the battle.

"Jade?" My head jerks up and I hold my breath, staying perfectly rigid because I knew that voice anywhere. "Jade. I saw you run in here."

Carefully, I move my legs away from the edge and sink further into the shadows, waiting this out in the silence.

"Jade. I just want to talk to you." Tori tries again before sighing. "Okay, fine. Well I'm gonna say what I need to." I rest my head back against the wall and groan internally, wondering if it was actually worth throwing the pencil at her.

"I get that you're hurting right now, and I know that's why you're directing your anger on me, and it's fine. I don't need an explanation or an apology or anything. I only came in here to tell you I'm still here for you. Okay? Even though you might not want me, I'm still here." She paces around the room. "I know I'm not your most favorite person in the world right now- or ever, but I am still a friend you can talk to. Just about that night...well I want you to remember I'm here if you need me."

Tori's words seem to echo around the theater, her voice worming it's way underneath my skin. I ball up my fists.

"So... alright. I'm gonna go now. But keep in mind what I've said and uh... yeah. I'm still talking and I- okay great." She trails off uncomfortably. I decide to risk a small peek over the edge of the railing, seeing her hand push through her hair before she moves out of sight.

The stage door cracks open to spill in a small sliver of light, before closing again. I release the breath I had been holding, the room plunged back into darkness.

Fucking, Vega.


	8. The Complex Enigma

/TORI/

"Hey? Tori? Yo, Tori. Come back to Earth, Tori." I jolt up, blinking at the sound of Andre's voice breaking through my trance. My hand fumbles around quickly for the potato masher, but he and I both knew I had been thinking about Jade, again. "You can't let her insults get to you, you know. She's just upset."

I sigh, running a hand through my hair and nod, pretending to take in Andre's words. It was just getting so frustrating because no one else was actually aware of what had happened between me and Jade beforehand. And I would never get to tell them -unless I wanted to die a slow, agonizing death. I didn't even have any proof, but I could recall almost everything from that night. The way Jade had wrapped herself around me, the contours of her body as it fit against mine. Even if she didn't remember all of it, or wanted to forget, the image was still heavily ingrained into my mind and it wasn't going anywhere.

"I know. But it's not... don't you think she'd be a little better by now? It's been two weeks." I force myself to focus back on mashing the potatoes. I hadn't asked to get an answer. It was more for my peace of mind to try and stop the question rolling around in my brain.

"Well, you gotta remember Beck and Jade were together for a long time. Things will die down soon. Jade just needs...an outlet. I guess?"

Yeah. Me.

"It's just weird how I'm the one she's decided to take her anger out on." Andre's lips curl into a grin and I know the riff is coming before he even plays it, making up a song on his keyboard as he sings along:

Jade is being mean to Tori, but that's nothing new.   
And I hope she mashes those potatoes right, because I hate lumpy stew.

I make a face at him but go back to mashing, even though it was a nonsense song... those lyrics resonated some of the truth.

"Oh hey. I meant to ask, where did you disappear to after lunch? Beck and I went looking for you but we couldn't find you anywhere." I pause my crushing, deliberating with his question.

"I had to go and get some things from my locker..." Andre's eyebrow is raised. I could tell he didn't believe me.

"Okay." I relent and set the bowl aside, walking over to the couch to slump down into the cushions. "I went after Jade to make sure she was alright."

I wince inwardly at my own words. I sounded so stupid, so desperate and needy. I mean, hadn't Jade more than made it clear over the last few weeks she still didn't want anything to do with me? She hadn't even answered me in the theater. Yet I still persisted. I still chased her. My fingers clinging to any small part of friendship she would feed me. I wasn't allowed to confess it out loud, but Jade had let her guard down that night. She had called out for me, hung onto me and turned my name into a drug on her lips.

I wanted to see more of that Jade.

"And what did she say?" Andre pries and I chew my lip, hesitating with my answer.

"She didn't say anything. I saw her run into the Black Box Theater and then...I'm pretty sure she hid from me." I bite my lip.

"She hid from you?"

Oh God. I sounded so crazy. I glance over at Andre, his face is a look of pure skepticism.

"Yeah. I don't know where she was and it was dark, so I spoke...to the room." I trail off lamely.

I should have just kept my mouth shut.

"Uh huh. So I'm assuming that you told this 'room' to pull back with the insults?"

"Yeah. No. Not exactly. I told her I was there-"

My words are suddenly cut off with a loud squeal of excitement, the source of the noise rushing into the living room with a large, bulky package. I raise an eyebrow and Andre grimaces at the sound, finding sudden fascination with the keys on his keyboard. I spin around to look at my older sister, studying the large brown box in her hands. It was stamped by Trophy Odyssey. Great, another giant fake trophy which would take up even more space on the mantle piece for actual awards and family photos.

"Tori! Tori! I need a pair of scissors! Where are all the scissors?" Trina demands loudly, emptying out all the kitchen drawers.

"You broke our last pair of scissors last week, remember? You got angry with them and threw them into the blender."

I don't even bother listening to the shrill cries, waiting until my whirlwind of a sister had stomped her way back upstairs.

"So you were saying?" Andre prompts me, grimacing at Trina's shrieking.

"Oh right. I just told Jade I was there if she needed me, and I kinda understood why she was using me like a punching bag and I was...okay with it?"

I look back over to Andre, his eyes were focused on me but I knew he didn't understand. Even I didn't understand, and I don't think I ever would. Over the past two weeks I'd been trying to summarize Jade. An impossible task. Jade West was a complex enigma, a Rubik cube. You'd figure out one side, but then you had all the other sides to solve and had to start all over again. Swiveling and turning, trying to fit it altogether but ultimately giving up because it was too complicated.

I felt I had actually got one side of the Rubik cube the night I had found Jade. I had one side which was completely color coded and all figured out. But then she had snatched it back and twisted it up into a mess again. As if she was almost afraid of being solved.

"Ohh yeah. Trina Vega, 1st place for the most amazing singing voice. Go me!" Trina flounces back downstairs, holding up her giant trophy, admiring the gold shining in the light. I have to restrain my eye roll, watching her casually sweep aside my Hambone medal to place her newest fake purchase in the center. My eyebrows knit together in confusion.

"Wait. How did you get it open?"

"I used your scissors." Trina responds simply, using her sleeve to start polishing her trophy.

"But...I don't have any scissors?"

"Uh yeah you do. The ones with the purple handles. They were on your desk." I can feel my heart start to beat a little faster. "Though I untied the bow around them. Who ties bows around scissors anyway? Seems pretty useless." She steps back to adjust the trophy, making sure it was positioned right in the center. "Well, what do you guys think?"

I'm not listening. My breath is trapped and caught in my throat, my stomach clenching in a soaring feeling, my heart pounding as if it had suddenly decided to wage war against my rib cage. I turn to look at Andre and he's staring back at me with a perplexed expression. I can hear my sister tapping her foot, talking in the background, but her voice is all but lost in the daze, my nails digging into the upholstery of the couch.

It was crazy, almost unbelievable, but I knew exactly who would tie a bow around a pair of scissors and leave for me to find.

My very own personal Rubik cube.


	9. Reality is a Prison

/JADE/

You know that sensation you get in dreams, the one where you're walking along a cliff edge and you know one wrong step will send you plummeting to your bloody and gruesome end? That's basically how I'd been living for the past few weeks, in a comatose dream like state. Barely awake but with at least one foot in reality, the other one barely teetering over the edge. Beck and I had hardly grunted at each other in passing, and I was relieved to find the ache was finally beginning to subside, replaced permanently with a cold and empty feeling, equivalent to someone gutting out my insides to leave nothing behind but veins, tissue and bone structure. I couldn't determine which state was worse.

One thing was certain though, I was slowly becoming stronger with the growing days Beck and I were apart. I knew I could survive without him. It was just fucking hard to get used to a completely different routine. I had honestly contemplated going around to his trailer once or twice, but had managed to hold myself back. I wasn't going to grovel to him. But since then, I had vowed to keep my mind active and busy at all times, using any little thing to distract myself from him, to push all of my negativity somewhere else. He would never see how much our break up bothered me. Because it didn't.

No.

My fingertip slides up the length of a page, turning to the next one. My own messy handwriting stares back at me and I feel a pang in my chest. These were all my scripts, all my songs, my hopes, fears and dreams for the future. It wasn't a diary. I refused to call it that. It was a journal. A journal where I wrote down anything that intrigued me. Hasty scribbles made in the early morning sunrise or One Acts in the dead of night, with half asleep eyes and a cup of luke-warm coffee. Writing which sometimes made it into pages of dialogue or faded into obscurity. It was whatever I wanted it to be and it was mine.

I keep flicking through the pages of the journal, lingering on some passages while purposefully skipping over others. Beck had been the inspiration for some of these ideas and I can't stop torturing myself as I flip through, each fresh page bringing about a new wave of painful memories. I can feel the gnawing ache starting to build up again in my stomach, the red hot coals starting to burn and I quickly toss the notebook aside, the pages fluttering through the air, before falling open to reveal one hastily scribbled word:

'Tori.'

What? Tori? When the hell did I write Tori? Was the universe trying to show me it had a fucking sense of humor? I grit my teeth and snatch up the journal, studying the word again to make sure I had read it properly. Tori. Tori -fucking- Vega. I don't know what it was but she made me want to slam my head into a brick wall, her positive happy-go-lucky attitude was sickening. She was always...there. Our friendship - if you could even call it that - was rocky to begin with, but now, after everything that had happened, I felt like I owed her. Which was stupid, I owed her nothing. She was the one who had decided to wander down the alleyway. I had the situation handled fine on my own.

What the chiz was I even writing about her?

Tori wazzed me off today? Tori got the lead role, again?

I mean seriously, West. What? I had done nothing but torment this woman and yet she still persisted with me and I kept chipping away at her. She'd become like some sort of annoying splinter, irritating underneath the skin but I kinda enjoyed it because I could pick at it and make it sore. Her little heroic spiel in the Black Box Theater was still at the back of my mind, her sweet voice striking a chord in the deepest parts of my resentment. She was still there for me. After everything I'd done to her since she started Hollywood Arts. I had to hate her because I swear, Tori was either really stupid or she was secretly some sort of extreme masochist-

"Hey, Jade?" I snap my journal closed and turn to glare at my irk of a younger brother, annoyed and slightly surprised he'd barged in.

I couldn't remember the last time we spoke.

"What, Cody? I told you to knock before you come in. Or better yet, don't come in at all."

"I just wanted to say I've noticed." He continues to talk calmly, ignoring my snide remark.

I raise one skeptical eyebrow. "You've noticed what?"

"That you're happier." His words make my blood ice over. "Or...at least better than you were a few weeks ago."

I blink twice, making sure I'd heard him correctly.

"I'm happier?" I roll the word around on my tongue.

"You probably don't notice it, but you're smiling a little more and I don't hear you screaming in your sleep as often."

"I- what is this? Analyze Jade day? Get out!"

"...But sometimes I can hear you talking in your sleep. Someone's name-" He keeps talking, my anger starting to boil underneath the surface.

"I said out!"

I don't let him finish, snatching his shirt roughly. I haul him outside with a snarl and slam the door, ramming the homemade dead bolts into place. My back hits the wood and I slide down, clutching the journal to my chest. My breath is forced out, ragged, rough and so hard it shakes me. I can physically feel my heart trying to tear out of my chest.

I didn't realize I'd been talking in my sleep. I thought it had stopped since Sophomore year. I could only imagine who I had been calling out for and the thought made my stomach take an unpleasant lurch.

I tilt my head back.

Up until now, I figured at least my room was a sanctuary, a place I could lose myself in. I naively believed I was safe from my tormenting emotions but in actual reality, my room had gradually warped into a prison, the lingering aspects of the past everywhere. I could feel the four walls starting to close in on me. I tuck my knees into my chest, whimpering as I started to slip, started to lose control.

This proved it. This just fucking proved nothing would provide any real escape from the world. No matter how hard I tried to fake it, the hard cold exterior that shielded me was starting to show cracks, it was starting to break.

You know why, don't you Jade?

My eyes flicker and focus on the metal hanging frame from across my bed, the space now vacant of the scissors which were once held inside.

I don't even have time to contemplate why I did it, before the darkness rushes over me and this time, I willingly surrender.


	10. Cold Reading

/TORI/

I let out a low groan, swatting in irritation at the sudden burst of light right on my face. The harsh light doesn't go away so I crack open my eyes blearily, wincing audibly in pain. This was probably some sort of new health craze my sister had started. Burning lights to get the metabolism going in the mornings, like the time she tried out hot yoga and almost set the house on fire.

I grunt and sit up, scratching the back of my head. My eyes landing on the source of the glare. Somehow, I had managed to fall asleep with Jade's scissors on my pillow and now the sun was hitting the blades, directly reflecting the light into my face. Okay, I say "somehow" but it's not really a mystery. I had stayed up late last night and studied those scissors for hours, even going as far to put them underneath my microscope to check for signs of tampering or some form of poison but I found nothing.

She had to be toying with me.

I pick up the scissors, setting them to one side. I make sure to lay them down carefully next to the shirt she'd worn that night. I doubt I would ever fully understand Jade, no matter how much I attempted to build some sort of relationship with her. But the problem was, I wasn't pushing to understand her. I was simply pushing for a small bit of acknowledgement which didn't end in a cutting remark or acidic insult. I wanted her to talk to me about what happened the night in the alley, tell me why she sent the scissors wrapped in a bow. It didn't have to be some heart to heart chat but I wanted to understand so many things and so far, she'd given me absolutely nothing.

My fingers skim over my selection of clothes and I dress quickly, listening to the sounds of my older sister screeching in the shower. I couldn't pinpoint what it was exactly but things had definitely changed between me and Jade. She was holding me at arms length. As if she was afraid of letting me get any closer because I had the actual potential to hurt her, because I had seen a piece of her that she wanted to keep hidden from sight. Darting in for an insult but then backing away. She kept lashing out at me, making her remarks even worse each time because I refused to react in the way she wanted. She was trying to pick a fight with me, wanted me to snap. I knew she was hurting and she hated that I knew it.

Trina dances past with her ear buds crammed into her ears, obnoxiously singing the lyrics to a Kelly Clarkson song. Grimacing, I shrug on my jacket and head downstairs, bracing myself for the day ahead. I quickly shovel in a bowl of cereal before Trina could finish the milk before letting out a sigh, idly swirling my spoon around the bowl as I wait.

"Are you okay, baby? You seem distracted." My mom questions from the other side of the table, her features creased with concern. I give her a reassuring smile and get up to put my bowl in the sink, rinsing it clean.

"Oh yeah. I'm fine, Mom. It's just school stuff. Nothing to worry about."

"Oh okay. If you're sure." She doesn't sound convinced with my answer and to be honest, neither am I.

Trina emerges loudly, still dancing and singing along to her Pearphone. I silently follow her out to the car, resisting the urge to stuff my fingers in my ears and thanking all the Gods we only had a 5 minute drive to endure together. I try and make myself focus on the school day, attempt to shove mundane thoughts into my head to get Jade out. What books do I need? Jade. Will there be any pop quizzes? Jade. What will Festus be serving for lunch?

Jade. Jade. Jade. Jade.

We pull up into the Hollywood Arts parking lot and I practically leap out of the car before Trina's stopped the engine, flustered and wound up with all these thoughts.  
Why is she constantly on my mind all of a sudden? Is she playing with me or is she actually trying to say something? I mean are we even considered friends?

I open my locker and start sorting through my books, vowing to myself to stop thinking about her. It was verging on disturbing. She's not thinking about you. She only left the scissors to mess with your head. Jade West still wouldn't give you the time of day so pull yourself together Vega! You've let her know you're there for her. Leave it alone.

But what if...?

What if, nothing. You were a comfort to her. That's all. You haven't suddenly blossomed some beautiful friendship and you're delusional to think so.

I take a deep breath and pull out my theater history book, the entire thing covered all over in black paint from when Jade had borrowed it. Because it's exactly what she does. She takes any form of light or happiness and extinguishes it, she revels in it. That's the only reason why she's paying any sort of attention to you. You're her favorite plaything and you're desperate to believe things are different.

Well they aren't.

My teeth grind together as I follow the stream of students heading into Sikowitz's class, that irritating voice at the back of my mind still taunting me. I make a valiant effort to not even acknowledge Jade, taking my usual seat next to Andre. I watch him turn to give me a questioning look but I continue to stare straight ahead. I was determined to get through today with as much minimal thinking about her as I could.

"Good morning my little experiments!" Sikowitz greets with a grand gesture of his hand once everyone is seated. "Today is a very special day because I am going to teach you all about cold reading."

"Oh!" Cat raises her hand and bubbles out. "Is it where we go into a freezer and read books?"

Sikowitz gives her an amused smile. "No, Cat. Cold reading is when a performer is given a script that he or she hasn't seen before and they have to act out the scene with the script still in their hands."

"Sounds pointless and easy." I hear Jade's snort behind me.

"Oh really? Well Jade if you think it's so "pointless and easy" then why don't you go first?" He indicates towards the stage upfront.

"Alright. Fine." Jade shrugs her shoulders and moves to get up, but he holds up a hand with a mischievous smile.

"Hold it. Hold it, Jade. Not so fast. You're going to need a partner for this particular acting exercise."

Oh no. No, not today. Not now!

All the heads in the classroom automatically turn to me with pointed looks. I groan inwardly, sinking down in my seat wishing I could melt right into the carpet. I should have definitely called in sick today or run away while I still had the chance.

"Ah Tori! Thank you so much for volunteering as Jade's partner. Now I want both of you up on the stage, hurry now!"


	11. The Slap

/JADE/

I knew our strange coconut drinking nut job of a teacher was going to say Vega's name. It was going to happen. For some unknown reason Sikowitz had always harbored some sort of twisted obsession with pairing me and Tori together since she joined Hollywood Arts, so really why should today be any different? Purposefully, I glare as hatefully as I can, a sneer on my lips as she almost stumbles up to the stage. I willed my glare to rip into her soul, to erase and put an end to any act of friendship she thought we had developed. I noted with slight satisfaction she already looked uncomfortable.

Good.

I shouldn't have given her those scissors. Hell, I shouldn't have done anything to encourage her because now I was sure she had taken that gesture and wormed her way underneath my skin, and no matter how hard or deep I dug, I wouldn't be able to pry her out. I couldn't get why she seemed so separate from the others. Cat, Robbie, Andre and now even Beck. I could push them away, keep them a safe distance from me. I kept everyone else as 'mutual friendships' but Tori, Tori was different. She exhausted me. She kept making me want to drop my guard again, invite her in like I had that night.

Which was stupid.

I was still expecting the barrage of questions about the scissors I'd so obviously left, but Vega seemed to be playing it safe, waiting for me to do the talking and explaining. Not that I had an explanation to give her.

Sikowitz beams at us. "Here are your provided scripts, Jade you will be Richard and Tori you will be Diane. We'll be starting from the Final Act."

I watch Tori frown as she skims through the script pages. As if on cue, she has to open up her mouth with a question.

"Uh, wait a second. I'm not sure if I'm entirely comfortable with the sla-" I make my groan purposefully loud and let my eyes roll to the ceiling. My thumb flicks through the pages to the chosen scene and I start immediately, cutting her off as I decided to throw stupid Tori Vega right into the deep end. It was payback - payback for how she's been screwing with my emotions over the past few weeks, for thinking she could get to me.

"Oh for God's sake, Diane! Will you let it go?" I watch Tori jump and fumble for her script, flipping through in a panic to find the right part.

"N-no Richard! I can't let it go. You were texting another woman!" She shoots back even more angrily, managing to compose herself after the first line. It loathed me to admit it, and I wouldn't under excruciating torture, but every time Vega got up on stage she seemed to improve ever so slightly each time. You know, slightly.

Not that I was paying attention.

"That was my sister, Diane. Jesus. You get so damn paranoid about everything!"

"I wouldn't have to get paranoid if you weren't so secretive all the time! You say one thing and you do another. It's driving me insane, Jade- Richard!" I stiffen, my blood rushing to the surface of my pale skin, watching Tori's brown eyes flicker with panic. No one else had seemed to catch it. I brush it off and cross over the stage, my stare fixed on her. I make sure to add a drop of acid with every word in my next delivery. I wanted to say that it was a warning.

"You're the one driving me insane with how pathetic you are! I swear there's nothing between us anymore!" Tori flinches back. I wasn't sure if she was acting or being genuine, but there was no mistaking the frown which briefly touched her lips. I ignore it and direct my attention back to the script, blinking in confusion. I have to re-read the stage directions twice, squinting to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.

[Diane delivers a hard slap to Richard's LEFT cheek]

Oh perfect.

I grit my teeth and brace myself for the incoming assault, getting ready to twist my body to the left.

I see Tori's hand raise, judging the reaction so I could time it right.

Now imagine my surprise when the slap came from the right.

...

/TORI/

I blink in shock. One minute I was flicking my eyes back and forth from the script and Jade, the next minute she was recoiling in pain. My palm is throbbing from the skin on skin contact but my brain still didn't comprehend the action of what I'd done. The whole class has leaned forward in their seats, staring in various states of shock and fear. I yank my hand back sharply, horrified to find a small mark now blossoming on Jade's right cheek.

"I-I..." I stutter weakly, the words dying into nothing on my lips. I swear my heart was trying to escape my ribcage and judging by Jade's murderous glare, it wasn't going to be in my body for very long anyway. The script book still hanging loosely at my side. Time seems to come to a complete standstill, my feet stuck solid in a block of cement as I witness Jade's blue eyes slowly darken into shards of ice. "Jade-"

"You absolute idiot, Vega!" I hear the enraged snarl, a flash of her green streak of hair and then Jade launches herself at me. We go over hard, my back hitting the floor with a thud. I can feel her body pressed flush against mine, the air getting knocked out of my lungs. She growls. I can see her teeth bared, similar to an animal that was about to devour it's prey. She was going to tear me to shreds and enjoy every minute of it.

"I didn't - I'm sorry!-" I try and yelp, suddenly acutely aware of the electricity pulsing between our bodies. My apologies fall on deaf ears. Jade raises her hand in retaliation and I shrink back automatically, squeezing my eyes shut. I can hear Cat yelling something behind me and that's when the world seems to speed up into real time. Beck and Andre both rush forwards to pry Jade up and Sikowitz helps me back to my feet. My limbs are still quaking. I watch Jade hiss and shove the restraining arms away, her eyes throwing daggers right through me.

"God, Tori. Can't you read!? The stage directions said Diane slaps Richard on his left cheek. His left. It was written in capitals!"

"I- I did slap you on the left!" I try and protest weakly, but the faint outline of my hand print had already branded me as guilty.

"Tori..." Sikowitz's starts interrupting, but Jade passes right over him.

"Oh? Oh really? Well then explain why I have a bruise on my right cheek!"

"I- I don't know!"

"Jade-" He tries again.

"Left or right, Vega. It's kindergarten logic. It's two fucking directions that I thought even you could understand!"

"Good Gandhi, that's it. That is it!" Sikowitz yells, placing himself between us. "I have just about had it with you two! You've been fighting like two alpha males over the last week! The constant bickering and arguing and insults! Now I'm dismissing the class but you two are staying behind." I keep my eyes trained on Jade, ready to run if she tried to lunge at me again. Beck and Andre exchange brief concerned glances but then file out with everyone else, leaving the three of us behind.

"Girls... please take a seat." Sikowitz points to the front row of hard plastic chairs with a heavy sigh. I cautiously take the one furthest away from Jade but she remains standing in defiance. Her arms are crossed over her chest, seething away silently like she was already planning her murderous revenge against me.

Like I would expect anything else.

"You should both know that it's been noted by the entire school about how much you two argue like rabid cats and dogs. So, instead of enforcing a pointless punishment for your little spectacle today, you two are going to learn to get along together." Sikowitz looks between me and then Jade, his gaze lingering on her for a second longer. "I'm not shutting down the class every time one of you decides to throw a hissy fit."

I'm about to open my mouth to protest. I had to argue it was always Jade who started our fights. I was just always dragged into them, but a serious look from our acting teacher makes me think twice about resisting. He perches on the edge of the stage, resting his chin on his knuckles in thought. "Therefore, I believe it's best to get you two to work on a project together."

"We could both arrange Tori's funeral?" Jade offers from the side. Even though I couldn't see it, I knew she was smirking.

"Thank you so much for the suggestion, Jade. But I've already decided on two options for you to choose from." Sikowitz bypasses her comment and picks up a coconut, taking a thoughtful sip. "You two can either settle your differences by scraping the chewed up gum from underneath the desks for a month or..." He pauses for dramatic effect. I could swear I saw a sparkle in his eyes. "Create a blog together."

I chew over his words slowly, an uneasy silence settling around the room. There was really only one option here, right? Since I already knew Jade wouldn't allow her credibility or ego to take such a damaging hit by scraping at other people's discarded gum. I wait for her to talk, focusing all of my attention on a loose thread on my shirt, picking at it for something to do. I definitely wasn't going to choose the obvious option because I'd be forever associated with the blame - yet another thing Jade would hold over me. Whichever one I chose would be the wrong one for her anyway because it's how she operated. But it seemed Jade had a third option to add.

"Why don't I just drink liquid nitrogen?"


	12. Toriandjademakeablog

/JADE/

Okay, this was actually bordering on ridiculous. Stupid Sikowitz and his "get along" ideas. I scowl up at the ceiling, swinging my legs up to drape over the couch, watching the ceiling fan rotate in calm spinning circles. I wanted absolutely no part in this dumb blog, in fact I refused to acknowledge it. Just because Vega and I were now forced to work together, didn't change anything about our non-existent relationship and I made sure to make it clear the whole way to her house.

"...You know this still doesn't mean we're friends."

"I know, Jade. You've said that about five times now."

"I only agreed to make this stupid blog because I absolutely refuse to touch chewed up gum."

"You have also said that. Repeatedly."

We still weren't friends. I wasn't even considering us as work associates. I didn't know what to even classify us as, but I knew as sure as chiz I wasn't letting her get any closer to me. I was still thoroughly determined to erase it, eliminate and destroy any comfort or...warmth I had ever felt with her. Yeah, I was aware I was beginning to sound like a broken record but it was true. I had to keep repeating it to remind myself.

It was dangerous giving Vega all this power over me.

I roll over to my side and click my tongue against the roof of my mouth in sheer boredom, letting out a long exaggerated sigh. I noticed the sound annoyed Tori, her finger gripping the pen a little tighter. Okay, so I suppose you could say there were a few small perks to this horrendous arrangement. Tori echoes my sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers and holds up another scrap of paper, the frustration clearly written on her face.

"What about "VegaWestAwesomeBlog?" I gag audibly and Tori groans, crumpling it up to toss amongst the pile of other rejected URL names. "Well you come up with a name then! I've been brainstorming all these suggestions and you hate them all!" I leave my face blank and emotionless, pulling out my scissors to start cutting up the papers which were littered around the living room. Tori leans her head back on the couch. "Jade, look. It's been three hours and if you want to sulk like a baby-"

My head jerks up, the blades slicing through a suggestion for "TJBlogItUp."

"I'm not sulking. I'm bored. There's a distinct difference in how I'm acting. Of course, you wouldn't know that." I snap back, watching Tori's brown eyes darken.

Wow. This getting along plan was working so well.

"Okay. Maybe we just need a little break?" I can hear the forced cheerfulness in Tori's voice, my eyes rolling towards the back of my skull. "Sikowitz said we had to come up with a name tonight and it's making us all tense and pushy. I'll go make us some coffee. Maybe that'll help." I only grunt in response, trying to see how thin I could slice up the URL "JadeIsAwesomeAndToriIsStupid."

Personally, I really liked that one.

I hear Vega make her way around her kitchen, listening to the familiar sounds of clinking cups and the cupboards opening and closing, the whistle of the tea pot on the stove. That's when the severe jolt of déjà vu hits me, the intense and overpowering sensation almost making me drop my scissors.

Barely a few weeks ago, I had been lying unconscious on this couch. Tori had rescued me that night, brought me back to her house and she had made us coffee. The same night those guys... and Beck - the night he had decided to give up on me. Fuck. It seemed like such a long time ago now. But the images were still as sharp as glass, just as cutting and cruel as they were that night.

"Black with two sugars, right?" Tori wanders back over with two steaming mugs and I can only nod. I could feel the atmosphere shift between us, both of us realizing we'd accidentally stumbled into the memory. Tori pretends not to notice and gives me a small smile, setting the mugs down on the table before tucking her knees up to her chest. She was burning with questions, I could practically see them lingering on her lips but she keeps quiet about it. I assumed she was either respecting my privacy, or actually had more than one brain cell knocking around up there. It was a good thing. Even though I hadn't openly talked about the events of that night, it still didn't mean the pain wouldn't try and cripple me then and there. She almost seemed to understand how I worked - except that was impossible.

"So since you've decided none of the two hundred URL's are acceptable-"

"I liked Jade-Is-Queen-and-Tori-Can't-Act." Vega shoots me a glare.

"- we still have yet to come up with a blog name." I shrug and pick up my cup of coffee, pretty impressed Vega had managed to get the consistency and the shade the perfect color again. I let the rising steam heat my cheeks before taking a sip, a rush of relief I could taste it this time around.

"There is literally no point to this, Tori. Nothing is going to change just because we're making a blog."

"Making a blog...making a blog. Make a blog!" Tori suddenly jumps up excitedly with a snap of her fingers and I have to cradle my coffee to stop it from spilling. I throw her a glare but she ignores it, uncapping her pen to scribble down the new invented name, pointing at it with way too much enthusiasm. I purse my lips, studying the inked in letters on the page.

"toriandjademakeablog. Why the chiz should your name go first?"

"Because I thought of it?"

"Because of what I said. Plus we're only here because you can't read stage directions."

"I can so too, read stage directions!"

"Then why do I have your hand print on my right cheek?" I watch Vega's nostrils flare in annoyance.

"I said I was sorry like fifty times!" She pinches the bridge of her nose. "Alright, fine. Rock, paper, scissors to decide the name?"

"You know I'm already choosing scissors."

"Well maybe you're getting predictable."

Oh.

"Never say that to me again."

"Hold on a sec, I think I have a quarter and we'll toss for it." Tori huffs and opens up her bag, reaching down inside to root around.

I watch her poke around her comedic sized monster purse with a scowl. I, myself had an easily accessible quarter in my pocket, but she wasn't having it.

She finally fishes the coin out with a grin, placing it on her palm.

"Heads or tails?" I can't help but quirk my lips into a smirk.

"I've always preferred to call it heads or entrails." Tori shudders in disgust but surprisingly goes along with the name change.

"Fine. Heads or...entrails?"

"Heads."

We both watch as the quarter flips through the air, landing with a spin on the coffee table. In the tense moment, I press forward with a triumphant grin, seeing the coin lay flat and the face of good old George Washington staring back at me. I stand up and take the pen from Tori's hand, crossing out her handwriting to replace with my own, capping the pen with satisfaction.

"jadeandtorimakeablog? Great choice, Vega."


	13. In Too Deep

/TORI/

I realize I should know better but it was now beginning to really irk me that I still hadn't received any answers to any of the questions I had. Every time Jade and I hung out together to work on the blog, I would try and gently ease in the subject about the scissors or the alleyway, but she would shut herself down immediately. I learned quickly Jade was incredibly skilled at avoiding the subject, interrupting me, walking away in the opposite direction and in one case, downright booting me underneath the table one time during lunch. After the first couple of tries, I gave up pushing and since then we'd pretty much settled into a daily routine. Jade would give me a ride back to my house after school, I'd make the coffee and we'd talk. It was strictly about the blog - nothing personal and I was never invited back to hers.

Drive. Coffee. Blog. Leave.

I had to admit it was definitely a strange sensation. Being able to be fairly close to Jade, knowing I had something with her that no one else had. A part of me felt pretty happy we had some common ground to work with, but then the other part of me felt unsatisfied because it didn't seem to be moving our relationship anywhere. I had to keep telling myself I wasn't going to get all delusional and think that just because we had a blog together it meant we'd become closer. No. In fact,  
Jade seemed even more determined to erase that part of us, and while it stung a little - okay. A lot. I still had to remember to bite my tongue to stop myself from inviting her to stay over a little longer.

"Ha! That's why you shouldn't have played with the safety belt, old lady!"

I sigh loudly, scrolling aimlessly up and down on our empty blog. We were both supposed to be figuring out a color scheme tonight, but so far Jade had drunk two cups of coffee and had started watching videos about people getting trapped on amusement park rides. My fingers tap in a rhythm against the laptop, my hot chocolate laying untouched on the table. It was nearing 8PM and Jade still hadn't left mine yet, which was weird because she was usually gone by 7. Another loud laugh breaks me from my thoughts and I can't help but shuffle over, intrigued with what was so funny about this video. For a split second I see Jade hesitate, but then she grudgingly swivels the screen so I could see.

After about 5 minutes in, I could kinda see why Jade found it so amusing. Even though it was pretty mean to laugh, the part where the people's tiny arms and legs were waving and kicking in the coaster cars tickled me a little. I could see Jade watching me out of the corner of my eye and I turn my head to look at her, just as she snaps her head back to the screen.

I turn back, blinking in disbelief. "Did- did that guy-?" I start to mutter and Jade answers for me.

"Yep, the dude pushed up on the safety bars and seemed shocked when he plummeted down 450 feet."

"Why do they let these people on the rides?"

"For our viewing entertainment, my dear Vega." Jade's answer is short but it makes my stomach clench with that strange soaring feeling.

"So are these your favorite videos to watch...?" I push carefully, gauging Jade's reactions.

Did this count as something personal?

"One of my favorites, yeah. I also enjoy watching rejected wedding proposals, botched sky diving, just generally watching people fail. Mainly why I enjoy watching you." We both freeze at her words and I could see the gears in her brain struggling to find an escape route from her slip up. "I-I mean you fail all the time so it's entertaining to watch." She rushes out and I have to physically restrain myself from letting the huge grin appear on my lips.

"Uh huh."

"Shut up, Tori."

"You like watching me."

"I said shut it." Jade's answer comes out through gritted teeth. I let it rest, pretty content with how flustered I had just managed to make her.

We go back to watching the rest of the video and I notice how Jade's almost forced her features into a neutral expression; a mask of nothing. Not conveying any emotion or feeling, but she knew what she had said. Just like she knew I had rescued her in the alleyway that night and she had left me those scissors to find. She knew all the answers and they were tightly locked away from me behind her stone fortress.

"Hey Tori, about that night-" Jade starts to speak, her sentence interrupted as someone barges through the front door.

"Oh! Hi girls. I wasn't expecting to see both of you here." I almost groan out loud. Trust my mom to walk in right now. She looks at her watch, balancing bags of groceries over her arm and then looks pointedly at Jade. "I have a family pot pie in the oven, does Jade want to stay for dinner?"

I look back over at Jade, giving her an inviting smile.

"You wanna stay? Family pot pie is the best pie you will ever taste." I can see Jade hesitating, almost battling with herself over accepting the invite. I feel a little thrill go through me at the thought of her actually agreeing, of witnessing Jade West sat at our family dinner. That thrill is extinguished almost as quickly as it came, Jade's blue eyes hardening in the light.

"No." She catches herself, directing a forced smile to my mom. "Thanks, but I should go." She snatches up her Gears bag, throwing the strap over her shoulder and I find myself standing up to walk her to the front door, trying to ignore the small niggle of disappointment.

I couldn't be surprised really.

"So... what were you gonna say earlier, before my mom walked in?" I edge outside, pulling the door closed to give us some privacy. Jade tosses her bag into the passenger seat of her car and walks back over to me. She stands so close I could smell the rich coffee on her breath, our faces only inches apart. A low growl pushes past her lips and her hand comes up, slamming into the wall beside me so I was effectively trapped.

Oh chiz.

"Don't. I know exactly what you're trying to do and I'm telling you. Don't." The usual sharp edge is gone from Jade's voice and I notice her eyes have softened, a sweet azure blue as opposed to stormy waves. "You're pushing for a friendship that's not going to happen. You should have learned by now nothing good ever comes from getting involved with me, so I strongly suggest you back out now." I glance at her lips, her full lips that were only centimeters from my own and that's when she leans in closer, my body going rigid against the wall. My throat closes up and my heart starts pounding hard, her hair tickling my neck with her scent slowly intoxicating me and I found I didn't care at all.

"I realize I never said thank you for that night." I can feel the hairs raise all over my body, Jade's breath soft and gentle against the shell of my ear. I open my mouth to attempt a response but she pulls away, sliding into the driver's seat as if nothing had even happened. Leaving me breathless, confused and always wanting more. I wave shakily and watch her car disappear around the corner before letting out a rush of breath I didn't even realize I had been holding.

I lean back against the wall for support, pushing a hand through my hair. A deep orange sunset painted the sky, my heart still thrumming against the bones of my ribcage, like a trapped bird. Her scent still clinging to me. I watch the other cars pass by on the road, too in shock to determine what had happened, still feeling the weight of Jade's body against mine. God, with only that small touch she made my head spin, my heart hurt and my brain turn to complete mush all at once. Her drug had been administered directly into my veins. My body was doing everything it could to fight it off but it seeps in, slowly making it's way around my bloodstream, causing it's damage until I was practically overwhelmed - taken prisoner by everything she was.

Jade wanted me to back out... but I feared I was already in too deep.


	14. Playing With Fire

/JADE/

[TheScissoringQueen has just signed into TheSlap Messenger.]  
[ToriVega_Docious has just signed into TheSlap Messenger.]

TheScissoringQueen: Ugh. What do YOU want?  
ToriVega_Docious: YOU'RE the one who messaged me first!  
TheScissoringQueen: Yeah, lucky you.  
ToriVega_Docious: Hey! I think this is the first time we've actually talked to each other on here!  
TheScissoringQueen: Well aren't you the observant one?  
ToriVega_Docious is typing...

I drum my fingers against the keyboard, watching in slight amusement as the message icon flashed and disappeared over and over as Tori struggled with what to write in response. I scuff my feet against the carpet to spin my computer chair, rotating around and around in slow mindless circles in my room. I hadn't been back to Vega's house since our little private moment and she mercifully hadn't pried for an answer as to why. Not that I was going to give her one.

Not like I even had one myself.

ToriVega_Docious: It's amazing but you're even more sarcastic over text.  
TheScissoringQueen: I'm taking that as a compliment.  
ToriVega_Docious: You would.  
ToriVega_Docious: So since we can't see each other anymore, I guess we'll have to do the blog stuff using this.

I grind my teeth together.

TheScissoringQueen: I never said we couldn't see each other.  
ToriVega_Docious: Yeah you did. Two days ago. You told me to back out.

I scowl at the lit computer screen, physically feeling Tori's words burn into me. I could picture her in her bedroom, most likely wrapped up in some hideous blanket while she types, maybe a cup of hot chocolate gently steaming beside her with those dorky glasses perched on her nose...

TheScissoringQueen: Allow me to elaborate. I never said I didn't want to see you. We obviously still have to see each other to work on this stupid blog.  
ToriVega_Docious: But this isn't about the blog anymore, is it?  
ToriVega_Docious: You said you knew exactly what I was doing a few days ago... what did you think I was doing?  
TheScissoringQueen is typing...

Fuck.

I type and retype my response, deleting each paragraph before slamming my hand down in irritation. Within a matter of days and without even fully realizing it, Tori and I had gradually started crossing over into unstable and unexplored territory. No man's land. Even though I had done everything to push her away, she seemed to be taking a battering ram to my castle walls and winning. A subconscious part of me noticed I was even starting to note small stupid things about Vega every time we got together and it scared me. Not because I had suddenly started taking an interest in the Latina but because I didn't think I could stop my observations even if I tried.

I had a sneaking suspicion the feeling was mutual.

TheScissoringQueen: Forget it.  
ToriVega_Docious: No. Don't shut me out, Jade. Tell me.  
ToriVega_Docious is typing...

My mother has always said my moods have always been similar to a roller coaster, the violent twists and turns equivalent to the storms that brewed in my mind. The coaster cart would run along steadily before pitching down, making my stomach lurch then crawl back up again only to drop and repeat the vicious cycle. I was never really 'happy' for an extended period of time and it was what I had grown accustomed to, always rocking and riding in between. But now, I felt like everything had changed with Tori. Instead of falling, the cart continued to keep climbing and climbing, reaching breathtaking, incredible heights I'd never even known before. It made my head spin. I'll admit it. I liked being with her. I didn't want it to stop. I didn't want to come down because in all honesty, I was terrified of the alternative without her.

ToriVega_Docious: Do you want to come over? Trina and my parents are out and I was gonna make molten chocolate lava cake...  
TheScissoringQueen is typing...

My teeth sink into my bottom lip, reading and re-reading the request. Playing with fire meant getting burned, but a sick, twisted part of me believed I enjoyed the pain, no matter how much I fought against - whatever we were. I couldn't nail down what it was and I wasn't sure if I wanted to know, but God. There was something about Vega which stirred an unknown part of me, something I knew I should run away from but I wanted to keep coaxing it closer, drawing it out with curiosity because I couldn't help myself. My fingers are automatically typing out my response before my brain signals had a chance to race through my body and stop me.

TheScissoringQueen: I'll be over in 15 minutes.  
[TheScissoringQueen has left the conversation.]


	15. Bridges and Broom Handles

/TORI/

I hadn't expected Jade to say yes.

I stare at the computer screen for several seconds even after she had signed out, expecting her to come back on saying she was kidding, or she had changed her mind. I had even geared myself up mentally to deal with the crushing insult and disappointment because she never wanted to spend more time with me than necessary. But no, she'd actually said yes this time...and maybe I was a little more excited about it than I should be.

I glance around, suddenly realizing how much of a mess the kitchen and living room was in: discarded pizza boxes, papers, wrappers and various kitchen appliances strewn about since Trina's latest beauty regime. I scramble up from the couch and start cleaning up. I knew I was being stupid but I felt kinda embarrassed about Jade seeing all the mess. Especially since I had a feeling this visit wouldn't be blog related. I quickly shove everything in the cupboards and hastily wipe down the table, my heart pounding hard. I'm just stomping on the empty pizza boxes to cram them into the already over stuffed trash can when I hear Jade's car pull up outside.

Why was I so jittery all of a sudden?

My fingers have just grasped the door handle when the door swings open, Jade casually walking inside without asking. I restrain the eye roll and watch her dump her bag on the couch, a smile twitching her lips as she automatically makes herself at home. She turns to face me and I give her a playful little smirk, reaching behind to pull out a white apron. It was folded neatly with the words "Kiss the Cook" written on it. I didn't anticipate she'd wear it and I was right.

"Don't push it, Vega. I'm surprised I'm over here right now." Jade gives me a hard glare but I keep smiling, pulling on the apron instead. It was weird but I was beginning to become more immune to Jade's infamous death glares and I could sense, with some satisfaction, that she didn't like it. Maybe it was because I had seen her at her most vulnerable but she wasn't that scary to me anymore...

I make my way over to the kitchen, unable to resist sneaking a peek at Jade from the corner of my eye. She was looking at me curiously, almost like she had a question to ask but she couldn't bring herself to voice it out loud. I pull out the electric mixer and mixing bowl, ignoring the urges to keep looking at Jade and focus my attention on the recipe book instead.

"Okay my assistant baker-"

"Don't call me that."

"Fine. Will you pass me the dark chocolate and butter, please?" I hear her loud exaggerated sigh of effort, followed by the two items pushed my way and start snapping the chocolate into pieces. "So are you actually going to help me bake this thing?"

"No. I'm going to stand and watch. Like I said a few nights ago, I love watching you fail." My fingers fumble with breaking up the last bit of chocolate. She hadn't caught her wink but I had, and it made me almost knock the bowl from the counter. I catch it quickly, feeling the dark blush coloring my cheeks.

"I-I'm not going to fail!"

"You almost smashed the bowl."

"Yeah well - I didn't drop it!" I reply slightly flustered, turning back to focus on the recipe. I continue to follow through the instructions carefully, Jade always needing to add in her ever so helpful comments and criticisms with everything I did. I move to grab the electric whisk to start mixing the ingredients together, but Jade pushes me out of the way, grabbing a hold of the handle instead.

"What, you think you're gonna do the best part?" I immediately open my mouth to argue because I always liked doing the whisking, but the small child like excitement in Jade's eyes makes me step back to let her take over. "You know, when I'm mixing things together I like to pretend I'm a whisking God and I've just decided to wreak havoc and destruction on my tiny civilians." She grins to herself and I can't help but match it, amused by Jade's surprise confession.

From being captured and made into human soup, to being a whisking God, she sure had an imagination.

She was such a different person behind that mask.

I wait for the whisking to be done before we pour out the mixture onto the baking tray, the chocolate batter oozing out to fill the mold. I shut the oven door and turn back to Jade, a bubble of laughter slipping from my lips before I could stop it.

"What? What's so funny?" She snaps and I point with a small snigger. Her black clothes were dusted all over with flour.

"Pretty impressive, Jade, but it wouldn't have happened if you had just worn the apron..." She scowls and pats herself down.

"I would rather be slowly roasted alive on a spit and fed to cannibals, than wear that stupid apron."

"Where do you even get those from?" I question her before I could stop myself, seeing Jade's eyebrows knit in confusion.

"Where do I get what from?"

"Those lines. The whole 'I would rather be lines? Do you have a book of them or do you think of them randomly on the spot?" I head over to the fridge and grab two cans of Wahoo punch, handing one over to Jade while she contemplates my question.

"Uh... I usually make them up. I have a few decent ones written down for special occasions though." I nod and crack open my can, settling down on the couch.

It seemed I had managed two solid achievements. The first one being Jade was still engaging in conversation and the second one was that she was still here and not trying to push me away. I take a long gulp of the soda, deciding to stick to Jade related subjects. Mostly to keep her talking but also because a part of me was genuinely interested with her answers. I felt like I was starting to unravel the enigma. I'll admit it was an extremely slow process and it probably wouldn't even last, but it felt like I was in the lead for once, instead of trailing behind and tripping over my own feet.

"Well...um, do you think I could make one up?"

"Oh now this I have to hear." I cringe and instantly regret asking, watching Jade perk up with interest. "Go on, Vega. Give me your most vicious "I would rather line." I take another swig from my soda can, purposefully stalling myself as Jade's blue eyes seem to glint with amusement.

"Okay..." I clear my throat, a little thrilled I had captivated Jade's full attention, and adopt my sternest expression.  
"I would rather uh... wear a horrible knitted sweater than go to the movies with you!"

"Oh my God."

"What? I thought that was pretty insulting!" I try and defend myself, watching Jade's lips twitch. "Alright. I would rather lick a hobo's foot-"

"Just stop right there. Stop. Right now."

"I would rather chew on year old moth balls."

"I mean it, Tori..."

"I would rather drink a bucket full of-"

"Quit it!" Jade growls and hurls a pillow, striking me square in the face and I burst out laughing, surprised when she joins in. I push the pillow away and waggle my eyebrows up and down, holding out my hand with a grin.

"I would like to accept my diploma for best insults now."

"You wish."

I pull back with a chuckle, Jade struggling to hide her own snicker behind the soda can. This was pretty much how I'd always wanted it to be between us. Relaxed, easy and comfortable. I wasn't asking for much, but I knew it wouldn't last. It never did. But I was grateful it was happening right now. I always felt closer to Jade in these private moments, when her guard was down and she was joking around and being herself. She wasn't trying to put up a front or shield herself from anyone. I loved being able to see her like this.

No tough exterior just...her.

"I don't think you're capable of being vicious." Jade suddenly muses out loud and I put my can down in protest.

"Hey! I can be vicious! One time, I put plastic insects in Trina's bed. She wouldn't sleep in her room for days afterwards."

"Oh you wild child. I put real insects in my brother's."

"I switched out Trina's hair dye for orange dye and it was school picture day!" I see Jade's eyes flash at the promise of a challenge.

"I hung a skeleton in my step mom's bathroom and it wasn't even Halloween."

"I re-wrapped one of Trina's gifts and gave it back to her!"

"I cut Beck's hair while he was asleep in Freshman year!"

"I smell smoke!"

We both jump violently, startled by the alarming sounds of the smoke detector. I spring up from the couch to see trails of black smoke issuing from the oven and rush over, stumbling in a blind panic. Gloved hands fumble to open the oven door to retrieve the now ruined chocolate lava cake, the thing itself looking more like a cremated lava rock. I drop the tray down on the table, coughing from all the smog, the piercing alarm making my brain rattle in my skull.

"Make it stop!"

"I am trying to, Vega!"

I clap my hands over my ears and watch Jade attempt to silence the ringing, opening up cupboards to drag out mops and brooms to try and use their handles to hit the off button. She growls when it doesn't work and grabs a chair, dragging it over to stand on, a broom in her hand. I use one hand to keep my ears protected and the other to waft away the smoke, hearing Jade smacking the broom repeatedly against the smoke detector with a war cry.

The loud ringing stops, a second of silence before the broom handle snaps in half.

Jade drops back down to the ground and looks from the broken broom handle to me. I couldn't tell if it was from the shared panicked expressions, the ruined broom, or the crispy lava fail now smoldering on the table, but I could feel the laughter rising on my lips. I break, laughing so hard I had to double over because it hurt my sides. Jade follows only seconds after, laughing even harder than as I was, clutching the kitchen table for support.

Tears fill our eyes and we struggle to wipe them away. The situation was so stupidly amusing. We were a helpless mess and to anyone else looking in, it probably wouldn't make much sense. But for some reason, this was the funniest moment in the world to us.

"Why...is your stupid fire alarm so high up?" Jade gasps, her body shaking with uncontrollable fits. She takes one look at the lava cake, collapsing again.

"Y-you broke my broom!" I wheeze back, both of us dissolving into laughter again.

I had to hold my stomach because it was too much, Jade's frantic hiccuping making me laugh even more. This wasn't the usual, awkward, light-hearted laughter we'd shared before. No. This was something deeper, the rumbling laughter which echoed around the house and made memories.

This was the laughter that built bridges and broke barriers.

Or rather, broom handles.


	16. No Hesitation

/JADE/

I pick at my wrapper, unwinding it from the red velvet cupcake with a delicate touch. I drop it to the table and examine the guilty pleasure treat, the cupcake a nice deep red: made to perfection. I swipe my finger through the cream cheese icing and glance up at Tori. She hadn't bothered to use any grace in removing her wrapper. In fact, she hadn't removed it at all, choosing to dive right in instead, getting her nose and mouth covered in frosting. I go back to my own cupcake, shaking my head. I should be disgusted but it was almost cute.

"Oh my God...I'm kinda glad we burnt the lava cake because this cupcake is heavenly." I hear Tori moan, my whole body stiffening.

"Just eat it. Don't make love to it." I snap and take a bite of my own, barely resisting the urge to moan myself.

"But it's so good! It's so creamy and delicious. They must have some secret recipe because I've never had a red velvet cupcake like this before."

"Then write about it on a comment card and shut up." I don't even have to look up to know Tori's pulling a face at me.

We continue eating in silence, the world slowly moving around us. After the hilarious, but equally disastrous baking session with Vega, she had immediately pouted and started whining about how she had actually wanted cake. So casually, I had suggested we go out.

I lean my head back against the chair, listening to the general buzz of the cafe. I had to admit it was one of my favorite sounds and I knew I could easily spend countless hours sitting by the window with my script book, simply watching and listening to the world go by. Tori didn't know it -and I wasn't going to tell her- but Madison's Cupcake Cafe was one of my most treasured childhood places. I was still questioning why I'd willingly driven us over here, but I figured maybe it was because after the whole break up and everything, I needed to relive some solid and... happy familiarity.

Tori finishes her cupcake, licking at a stray bit of frosting on her mouth. "We should play a game."

"No we shouldn't."

"I know! What about twenty questions? That way we get to learn a little more about each other?"

"You're annoying and stupid. That's all I need to know." I crumple up my wrapper.

"If you play along I'll buy you another cupcake..."

Damn it.

"...Fine." I sigh and relent, sitting back in my chair and Tori beams in triumph.

"Yay! Okay. I'll ask you one first." I raise my studded eyebrow, watching Vega purse her lips in thought. I had my suspicions she was going to be avoiding the typical, easy questions. She probably knew by now that asking for my favorite color or favorite flower was going to elicit a sarcastic answer.

I wasn't disappointed.

"If you could pick your death, how would you go?"

"Wow." I raise an eyebrow. "That's a little morbid for Miss Sunshine and Rainbows." I click my tongue against the roof of my mouth in thought. "Probably the most gruesome and violent death imaginable. Like something from the Final Destination series. Something which would make headline news for weeks and would need to be censored for home viewing."

Tori shudders. "Of course you'd say that. I'd want to pass away gently in my sleep."

"Where's the excitement in that? It's hardly a headline: Woman dies peacefully in her sleep. Yawn." I can't resist teasing a little, seeing her get all flustered and indignant. My fingers start absentmindedly shredding the cupcake wrapper as I fire back my own question. "Suffocate in space or drown?"

"Uh, space. Because then at least you could see the pretty stars before you...died?"

"Trust you to say that, Tori."

"What was your first impression of me?"

Shit.

She'd asked it with no hesitation. It only occurred to me then that maybe she had only wanted to play this dumb game so she could ask that question. I keep picking away at the cupcake wrapper, watching the pieces flutter to the table.

The first time we met seemed ages ago, mainly because time become irrelevant when we were together. The details of the day were a little fuzzy and blurred around the edges but I could still clearly remember her terrified face when she found out she was rubbing my -now ex- boyfriend. I glance up to see Tori smiling innocently at me, those brown eyes flecked with a small mask of concern. She was waiting for my answer.

"I didn't like you...but now I almost tolerate you." I pick and choose my words carefully, watching Tori roll her eyes.

"Oh cmon. You more than "tolerate me" Jade. You took us out for cupcakes and despite saying you wanted me to stay away from you-"

I grind my teeth and cut her off sharply.

"Well what was your first impression of me?"

"I think you have an amazing stage presence." I pause my shredding, turning my head slowly to look at Tori. She shrugs it off, her lips twitching into a half smile. "What? It's true. You have a way of grabbing everyone's attention."

I study her closely from across the table. I had to say I was impressed with how gutsy Vega was tonight. I didn't realize I'm smiling until I catch the reflection in the coffee pot, smoothing my features back into neutral before anyone could see. I had to wonder briefly if Tori had set this up, as if she was trying to tell me something with this game and her questions.

But I was probably over thinking.

"Alright. Tell me something no one knows about you?" Tori circles her finger across the plate, gathering up the stray crumbs.

We continue to go back and forth with our questions, the cafe slowly beginning to disperse of people. I couldn't recall what time we had arrived but we had definitely been sitting there for at least a couple of hours. We had also managed to devour about three cupcakes each but I couldn't remember ordering them.

"I have a good question. Why can't you cook, Tori?" I smirk over at her. I didn't even want an answer, just a reaction.

"Hey! I can cook!"

"You made a cremated chocolate lava doorstop."

"It wasn't that bad!"

"It dented the table when we slid it out of the pan! You could have used it as a weapon!"

"Well maybe if you hadn't have distracted me, then maybe it wouldn't have burned!" She fires back and I can see her nostrils flaring.

"Well maybe you shouldn't be so easy to distract!" I put emphasis on the word, drawing it out.

"You know what? It's hard to concentrate on everything sometimes and you, you-" She doesn't get to finish her sentence, a fat finger tapping her on the shoulder.

"Hey! Me and my wife are trying to relax, so will you tell your girlfriend here to keep it down?" An overweight man interrupts with a scowl, his sunglasses slipping down the end of his sweaty and unattractive nose. He's looking right at me. I simply stare back coldly.

"I- I didn't think I was being loud..." Tori stammers, her cheeks flushing in that familiar awkward blush and I felt the need to intervene.

"Okay Sunglasses, listen up. One." I count my points on my fingers, making sure to keep eye contact. "This place isn't exactly heaving with people, you are free to move to another table. Two, I'm surprised you voluntarily came out with that sweat stained tshirt. Three, I know it might be hard for you to comprehend more than one worded answers but we're entitled to have a conversation and four, lose the sunglasses. We're indoors."

I finish off by dabbing my lips with my napkin, dropping it to the table. Tori is just sitting there with her mouth hanging open and I stand up, grabbing her wrist to haul her from the chair. When we get outside, she turns to look at me, a mixture of both awe and horror written across her face.

"Jade! You completely destroyed that guy!"

"So?" I shrug it off and rummage around in my bag for my car keys.

"So, it was really - that was really nice of you. To defend me I mean." Tori fidgets, scuffing her feet at the ground.

"He was being a self entitled ass wipe. I hate that." I mutter and climb into the driver's side as she slides into the passenger seat, not even waiting for permission anymore. It had become pretty much normal to see Vega sitting in my car with me and it brought up the constant question which kept burning holes in my brain with everything we did together: Do I want this or not? Tori grins and I find myself mirroring it automatically.

It was so stupid. We hadn't even spent much time together, it had only been a few weeks on and off but it felt longer. I wasn't sure if we had established common ground or even a foundation to start with but for the most part, I was kinda enjoying myself. So maybe Tori wasn't as annoying or as "prissy" as I originally thought and she might have some positive points. Only some. But she had definitely invaded my life thoroughly, my thoughts slipping from Beck to her most days and my car was actually beginning to smell more like Tori than it did of him. I couldn't describe it even if I wanted to, but there was a constant sense of comfort and security with Tori. I knew my guard was slipping but it didn't seem to matter with her. I wasn't racing to build it back up. I was content with leaving it as it was.

We drive in relative silence back to the Vega's house. My thoughts primarily focused on the girl sitting next to me. I grip the steering wheel a little tighter, my words coming out sharper than I intended when we finally reach her driveway.

"Get out." I hear her sigh but she doesn't argue, opening the car door to step outside.

"Thanks for the cupcakes, Jade." Her voice is quiet, almost resigned. She gives me a small smile but I could see those brown eyes clouded with confusion. The guilt twists my gut.

"I'll message you sometime." I rev the engine and back out of her driveway, watching Tori wave at me from her front door before going inside.

I drive through the streets, not really paying much attention to a destination. I knew I needed to drive to clear my head. It was obvious we couldn't exactly stay away from each other and now, thanks to Sikowitz and this stupid blog, it wasn't an option anyway. I grind to a stop at a red light, looking at the rows and rows of streetlights line the road.

I couldn't stay away.

Maybe I was imagining things or looking too deep into it, but I felt we had shifted into another part of our strange relationship. I was thinking about Vega more, getting used to her habits and tolerating her to the point where I could stand more than an hour without wanting to hurt her. I had noticed the change in her behavior too, she seemed more relaxed and every time we made eye contact - she was always smiling.

Tori is a quirky and irritating optimist. It doesn't mean anything.

I hear a horn blast behind me in irritation and I snap to attention, crushing my own horn to retaliate before driving again.

I wasn't sure about my new found "friendship" feelings for Tori. Hell, I wasn't sure if I was exaggerating all the eye contact and the subtle glances.

One thing I did know for certain though, was neither of us had actually denied the man's comment about being girlfriends...


	17. Going Through a Tunnel

/TORI/

My fingers slowly glide over her pale skin, wanting to commit every dip and curve to my physical memory. I can feel her warm breath tickle my naked skin as our bodies twist underneath the soft covers. Our hands are entwined together, fingers locked in a tight embrace and I can suddenly feel those full lips against mine, those sweet lips I've been so curious about, the lips which usually spit acid but now were making my head spin and my heart take off. God, she was so beautiful and so perfect and I was falling. I brush a strand of hair that falls in front of her face, my smile mirroring hers. All of her defenses were down and I could feel her vulnerability beneath my fingertips. Our words get lost in another heated kiss and I grab her to hold her close, desperate to capture this moment between us.

Jade.

"Jade!" I jolt awake in a panic, my arms clinging to my pillow. I notice a tiny spot of drool on the material and toss it away quickly. Exhaling, I sit up and run a hand through my messed up hair, tousled and wild from where I must have been tossing and turning. I'm grateful it's still dark in my bedroom because I could feel the blush on my cheeks, the obvious color an indication of what I'd been dreaming about. I let my eyes slowly get adjusted to the black, my gaze automatically landing at the foot of my bed where I had placed Jade's scissors and the shirt she had worn that night. I had attempted several times to put them away, I had tried to tuck them up in a drawer out of sight but I couldn't bring myself to do it. For some reason, I wanted to keep them there, to serve as a constant reminder about what had happened. Even if Jade wanted to try and erase the past, I wanted to selfishly keep it.

I pad over to my laptop and boot it up, scrolling aimlessly through everyone's slap page. My mouse clicks on Jade's profile automatically, my heart practically slamming up through my mouth at her latest status update.

"My God. There is nothing better than a red velvet cupcake."  
JadeWest was at Madison's Cupcake Cafe with ToriVega posted 5 minutes ago.

I lean forward in my chair to make sure I wasn't still dreaming, highlighting over my name again and again. A few months ago, Jade wouldn't have admitted to being my friend even if she were being tortured. Now she was tagging me in her updates? I catch my stupid grin in the computer monitor and fight to keep my face neutral, even though my heart was going into overdrive. Sure, it was just a small update but it felt like a huge step of progress. I hit refresh and skim back down to relive the moment, my beating organ instantly deflating. The update was suddenly gone. She had deleted it.

I collapse back in my seat and sigh, my eyes flicking over to the folded up shirt and scissors. It was almost as if Jade was afraid of admitting we had formed a friendship, as if it was some taboo word which would make her burst into flames. I huff and go back to scrolling, not even paying much attention to any one else's news. I still couldn't understand what she was scared of. Everyone already knew we had been hanging out more often so it wasn't exactly a secret. It wasn't like we were secretly dating or anything, so why post something and tag me but then turn around and delete it?

Because this is what she does and I don't think you get it yet, Tori.

I still wasn't sure where we were and I was getting pretty dizzy and tired from trying to work it all out. I kept relating back to science, looking for some clear answer for Jade's behavior but it was equivalent to meticulously calculating a chemical combustion. On the one hand, Jade wasn't being as insulting to me and had even apologized for it...kinda. But on the other hand, she was still trying to deny she was enjoying her time with me. Because she was. She could hide try and hide her smile behind a scowl, but I could see the way her eyes lit up, and how much more relaxed and happier she seemed to be. So maybe? No, no it's better not to rock the already unsteady boat.

TheScissoringQueen: Vega.

The messenger icon flashes.

ToriVega_Docious: West.  
TheScissoringQueen is typing...

I smile to myself, a little proud I had used the last name basis against her before I remember my dream and my smile fades.

TheScissoringQueen: Cute. Now not that I care but what are you doing right now?  
ToriVega_Docious: Uh...I might go and catch up with Celebrities Underwater, why?  
TheScissoringQueen: They never drown. What's the point?

I roll my eyes.

ToriVega_Docious: I don't want them to drown anyway!  
ToriVega_Docious: Now why did you ask what I was doing?  
TheScissoringQueen is typing...

I watch the icon disappear and reappear several times. She was struggling with what to say. I could picture her in that den of hers, laptop placed on a glass table, surrounded by skulls and other mystery objects, her fingers hovering over the keyboard.

TheScissoringQueen: Do you want to come over?

I blink rapidly several times and my heart skips a few beats, those few words making my throat close up and shivers run down my spine. I refresh the screen quickly to make sure I wasn't still dreaming this whole thing, that the message wouldn't vanish like the status update, but it remained there. Jade West had just given me an invitation to her house. Against all the odds and all the denials of friendships - she was inviting me over and I had to jump at this opportunity.

TheScissoringQueen: Or you can ignore me.  
ToriVega_Docious: No, no, no! I'd love to come  
ToriVega_Docious: Over* I'd love to come over!

I cringe at the horrifying typo.

TheScissoringQueen: Great. I'm making red velvet cupcakes and need you to pick up a few things.  
ToriVega_Docious: Sure thing, what do you need?  
TheScissoringQueen: Flour, sugar, eggs, baking powder, cream cheese...

My eyebrow raises.

ToriVega_Docious: That's most of the ingredients.  
ToriVega_Docious: ...  
ToriVega_Docious: Are you just using me to do your food shopping!?  
TheScissoringQueen: Sorry. I can't hear you. I'm going through a tunnel!  
ToriVega_Docious: You are on your laptop! In your room!

[TheScissoringQueen has left the conversation]

I slump back in my seat and exhale slowly, catching my reflection in the mirror. Several voices were fighting with me at once, all of them cramming into my brain to tell me not to go, that it would be a mistake and it would be safer to stay at home. I flick a glance back over to Jade's black shirt and the scissor blades, reminded fiercely of how she had felt pressed up against me. She - we might try and hide or ignore our friendship but there was something there we couldn't deny. It felt as if a connection had planted and rooted itself between the both of us, the vines wrapping tighter and tighter around our bodies to force us closer together and neither of us wanted to pull away.

ToriVega_Docious: I can't wait to see you.

I look at my message over several times, my finger resting on the send key, before I highlight and delete.


	18. Red Velvet War

/JADE/

I shut the screen to my laptop, wanting to physically kick myself. For some inane reason, I was feeding this fire. Throwing more and more kindling to the inferno to see how high I could build the flames, knowing they would eventually spiral out of control and consume me. It was becoming fairly obvious that our once "stagnant" relationship was changing and as much as we tried to fight it, deny it, we couldn't do anything. Vega and I had never been overly friendly with each other, but all this time we've spent together and the things we'd learned about one another, it felt like raindrops in a small pond, the ripples interrupting our mutual relationship and carrying on across the waters despite us trying to stop it.

I head upstairs to the kitchen to wait for Tori, my brain still trying to spin it's overused gears to figure out what we were. I still couldn't put a name on it. I hated pigeonholing, and I wasn't even sure whatever we shared required a label anyway. So I wouldn't give it one. I run my fingertips along the laminate unit, enjoying the way the cool surface felt on my skin. She was Tori, plain and simple really. She was sweet, stupid, and I would still refuse to admit it openly, but I enjoyed our conversations, and maybe even her company.

I survey the pristine kitchen with a scowl. Everything had it's place. My step mother made sure of it. The pots and pans had to be all lined up perfectly, the utensils had their own separate drawer. It was always too chrome, too neat and none of us spent any time in the kitchen, but it was all about keeping up appearances. The immaculate monochrome presentation; a mask for the dysfunctional West household.

My eyes catch a set of approaching car headlights and I walk to the main entrance, impatiently waiting for the sound of the doorbell. The handle rattles as someone inserts a key from the other side and I take a step back, watching my step mother strut into the house with her cell phone plastered to her ear, paying absolutely zero attention to her surroundings.

Nothing new there.

"No, no Jeffery. I said I needed those set prints by tonight. I have the commissions board meeting tomorrow." She sets some papers down on the table, looking up in surprise to see me standing in the kitchen. Her lips twitch into a stiff smile which I don't return, crossing my arms over my chest. "No, I need them by 9 at the latest. Hal and his wife are going to be there and I want to make sure everything runs smoothly. Yes...no, no I said no. Fine, call me back in a minute." She jabs the end call button, deciding to direct her limited attention at me. "Why are you in the kitchen?"

"Why can't I be in the kitchen?" I shoot back. She sighs and gathers up her papers.

"I've worked hard to keep it spotless. Whatever you make, clean it up afterwards." My mouth opens to fling back a retort but she's already gone, the sound of her ridiculously expensive high heels clicking into the private study before the door slams shut.

Wow. 3 seconds of conversation. Gotta be a record.

The doorbell chimes and I jolt, quickly composing myself and smoothing down my skirt. I open the front door, greeted with a beaming and overly enthusiastic Tori with two shopping bags in her hands. Wordlessly, I take the bags and set them down on the counter, leaving her to take care of shutting the front door. I shake out the contents, curious when a small packet of coffee beans tumble out along with everything else.

"Oh yeah, I overheard you telling Cat you were almost out of coffee yesterday." Tori shrugs it off and hops up on one of the bar stools.

"Thanks." I mutter, somewhat touched, putting the little bag of beans on my side of the cupboard. She stays seated, her eyes not even wandering around the house and I raise an eyebrow. "What? That's it? You're just going to sit there? You finally made it into my house, Tori. I would have figured you'd be sticking your nose in everything by now." She turns on her seat to flash me a sly grin.

"I'm waiting until we get to your bedroom for that." I whip around, almost dropping the whisk and slowly watch the color drain from her cheeks in realization.  
"Oh no, no no! What I meant was you've snooped around my bedroom before, so I was going to - I mean, if I could get into your bedroom..." She starts to trip over her words, so I decide to give her my full attention, tilting my head teasingly to draw out the torture.

"You could at least take me out on a date first, Tori." I smirk as her pale cheeks turn from pink to crimson. My hand reaches around to retrieve the flour, and I let Tori carry on, spluttering like an idiot.

"Well-well according to that guy, our cupcakes were technically... a date?" I turn back to catch Vega wiggling her eyebrows, my lips twitching automatically before I smooth over the hidden smile.

"Just get off your ass and help me make these cupcakes." She rolls her eyes but obeys, taking a white apron to tie around her waist.

I start laying out the rest of our equipment, taking little to no care in ensuring everything was back where it belonged. I can sense a slight awkwardness in the air, but neither of us comment on it, my scissor blades ripping into the bag of flour to pour it onto the measuring scales.

"Hang on, it wasn't set to zero." Tori suddenly steps up behind me, reaching around my hip to adjust the numbers. I could feel her warm breath on my neck. She pushes the buttons to set the correct measurement, before pulling away quickly and consulting her pearphone for various recipes. My eyes narrow, my fingers briskly whisking it out of her hands to shove in my apron pocket.

"Hey! Gimme back my phone!"

"No. We're using my recipe. None of that below standard internet junk." I keep her phone held hostage, preheating the oven. "You'll get it back after we make the batter." I hear Tori huff, but she doesn't say anything else, cracking open the tin of baking powder to sift into the mixture with a grumble.

We work in silence for a few minutes, delegating our own jobs. Of course it's Tori who has to break the quiet.

"So what would be your ideal career?" I stop stirring, fixing her with a look.

"Is this your not so subtle hint you want to play 20 questions?"

"Possibly. What's your answer?" I lean my head back on my neck, licking the front of my teeth.

"Acting or directing. I'd love to direct an original horror movie someday. You?" I crack open the eggs, enjoying the way the yolk slipped out from it's shell.

"I'd like to be a really successful singer. " Tori smiles wistfully, dusting the flour from her apron. "Someone everyone remembers."

"Except you're too predictable." I finish whisking, listening to the immediate huff of protest.

"Hey! I'm not that predictable!" Tori suddenly reaches around, dipping her hand into the bowl of red velvet batter and gathers some on her finger with a challenge in her eyes. "I mean, did you predict I'd do that, Jade?" She questions, pointing her batter covered finger at me.

Without hesitation, without even pausing to think about what I was doing, I take two steps towards Tori, opening my mouth to suck the batter from her fingertip.

All of my mental connections are fried and I only taste red velvet and skin, making sure to hold my eye contact as I slowly lapped my tongue around to clean up all the mixture. This was insane, it was absolutely fucking crazy. So why did it feel so right? Vega's frozen in extreme shock, her mouth gaping open and I pull back satisfied, running my tongue along my top lip with a barely audible moan. I'd argue it was to simply show I was erratic. I was more dangerous than Vega even knew- though deep down, I knew I'd done it for another reason.

"Now did you predict that, Tori?" I watch the Latina open and close her mouth wordlessly, noises coming from her lips but nothing intelligible. She continues to gawp at me and I'm tempted to close her mouth myself. It might possibly send her into cardiac arrest. I give her an innocent little smile, returning back to my work and revel in rendering Tori speechless while I carefully spooned the batter into cupcake cases, putting them in the oven with a timer this time.

Predictable my ass.

"I- you... batter." Tori stammers behind me and I laugh, sweeping my own finger in the bowl to get some left over batter for myself. I turn around and almost holler in surprise, Vega standing practically two inches from my face. She lets out a low, playful growl and grabs my hand, parting her lips without hesitation to take my finger into her mouth, swirling her tongue around the digit.

Time seems to come to a complete standstill in that very moment, her eyes locked on mine fearlessly while she sucked and nipped at my finger. Maybe I was imagining it but she seemed to hold it longer in her mouth than necessary. Now it's my turn to stand in shock, Vega's hot tongue stirring something inside me, another moan involuntarily making it past my lips. Her eyes glint in triumph at my slip, letting out a moan of her own, the sound vibrating around my finger. It was so fucking...hot and my blood was getting heated, already wondering what else Tori could do, what else she could make me feel. Finally, she releases my finger with a smirk, drawing back to run her own finger along her lips.

"If this is how we're eating cupcake batter from now on, I'm not protesting." She grins like an idiot and I'm half inclined to reach out and grab her, take those apron strings and yank them so her body was crushed against mine, just to see what would happen. "I'll also be taking this back." I feel her reach into my apron pocket, groping around until she found her phone.

I swear she was doing this on purpose.

I try and scowl but I could sense Tori could see right through it, a little streak of jealousy erupting within me as she started texting someone else.

"Okay, well if you're going to do that, then I totally call dibs on the rest of the cupcake batter."

Tori snaps her head up from her phone. "Hey! Wait! Not fair, I want some more!" She lunges for the bowl but I beat her to it, snatching it out of reach.

"Oh way too slow, Vega!" I taunt and tuck it underneath my arm.

"Alright fine, I guess...I'm gonna have to tickle it from you then!"

"Wait. What?! No!" I watch Tori's eyes dance playfully, arms reaching out to try and grab at me. I shriek and stumble away in a panic, bolting though the kitchen to the living room, shouting various death threats over my shoulder. "If you touch me, I have no problem with killing you! We have a freezer in the basement! It would take them weeks to find your remains!" I stop, realizing Tori wasn't giving chase anymore and make the fatal mistake of turning back.

"Gotcha!" I yelp and trip over on the carpeted floor, feeling Tori's body pinning me to the ground. She sits up, her legs straddling me on either side, the bowl plucked from my hands, much to my annoyance.

"Hey! Hey get off of me!" My legs kick in irritation but Tori doesn't budge, happily sitting on me while she stuck her finger in the batter. She was freakishly and unnaturally strong for a woman who weighed about 110 pounds, and no matter how much I struggled , I couldn't shift her. I can hear Vega making overly exaggerated moaning noises above me, obviously trying to get a reaction. It was working. I snarl, digging my nails into her hips, tickling underneath her ribs until she was forced to move, reclaiming the bowl of batter.

"Hey! That's cheating!" Tori growls, rushing at me to knock me on my back again.

We roll over and over on the carpet in a miniature wrestling match, arms and legs tangled all over one another. She's laughing, I'm swearing and we both knew it was childish and juvenile, but it didn't stop us.

Vega and I had existed in a delicate balance of a power struggle. Always trying to one up the other, and it's precisely what made us work, and made it all come together.

We manage to find ourselves underneath the window sill, the dying rays of sunlight hitting my skin. Tori's eyes resembled warm coffee, slight golden flecks merged with brown, her hair falling over her face as she grins and wraps her fingers around my wrists to hold me down. Now I really didn't care what the hell we were, labels, categories and whatever else aside. I was done fighting it. I was finished with my denial. It was only when I stopped trying to push us into a mold, I realized I wanted whatever this was. I wanted her.

I wanted Tori Vega.

Her parted lips are centimeters from my own and I think about how easy it would be to close the gap, breach the barrier I had thrown up between us. All of the insults, the hatred and the resentment were beginning to fall away, that numb aching feeling I'd felt for weeks after Beck, had already been replaced by her, I just hadn't admitted it yet. I feel a rush of - I wanted to say- almost...happiness, exhaustion crippling my defenses now that I was no longer fighting with myself.

It makes me want to laugh out loud with relief.

Could it really be this simple?

"Jade? Is that you banging around out there? I'm trying to work. Keep it down." My step mother's voice cuts through the door of her study, effectively ruining the moment. Tori waggles her eyebrows at me, before offering out a hand to help me get up and I take it, brushing myself down from our battle.

"My wonderful step mom. She wouldn't care if I was being murdered out here, as long as she finishes her scripts." I mutter, picking at some pieces of carpet from my shirt. The bowl of half eaten batter lies on the ground, ignored and I curl my fists, deeply irritated with my step monster's interruption.

Within two seconds, she had broken our spell, made all my doubts, questions and insecurities come roaring back, this time with a vengeance because I had, had the naivety to try and ignore them. I watch Vega shift on the balls of her feet, a little awkward smile tugging her lips. I clear my throat and stoop down to retrieve the bowl from the floor, thankful the timer dinged for the cupcakes seconds after.

I head back into the kitchen and casually shove on a pair of oven gloves, talking to distract myself from whatever it was that had just happened.

"When I was about 9, I shoved my hands in this oven because I thought my ice cold soul would combat the heat."

"Why does that not surprise me?" Tori chuckles from behind, her hand tentatively reaching out to run across my back.

It's only a very small touch, barely a brief skim of her fingers, but I could feel the heat through the fabric of my shirt. There was no mistaking it, she was getting bolder every time we got together. She was already well aware I gave her exceptions to my rule. Special "liberties" which she could get away with and no one else could, and it seemed she was determined to use them all tonight, almost testing me for my reactions. I stand up quickly and set the tray on the table. Half of me was still determined to resist what I wanted, while the other half was wondering why I was still even trying.

Rarely, did I not go after something or someone I wanted. Except Tori was in a different...league? Okay, I say league, it was more like we lived on two separate worlds. Her world was inhabited by sunshine, optimism and rainbows. Mine was overcast with thunderstorms, death and destruction. They shouldn't mix. But gradually gravity was beginning to pull us closer; conversations, laughter and understanding...

Until eventually our worlds had to collide.


	19. Truth Or Dare

/TORI/

I was almost 99% certain I had just imagined what had happened between me and Jade. I kept expecting to wake up, tucked up in bed with my arms wrapped around my pillow, or with someone waving a hand in my face to bring me back down to Earth. I would never admit it out loud, but I had been having almost... frequent day dreams involving Jade since the night I found her in the alley. Most of the dreams weren't even romantic or...sexual, but simple day to day things, like getting a cup of coffee or driving along the highway together. So my initial reaction was to assume I had simply dreamed of straddling Hollywood Art's most intimidating female. Yet I knew and she knew it too, it had all been real.

My fingers pick nervously at the empty cupcake wrapper, not even realizing I was chewing on my bottom lip until it started to sting. I take a look around Jade's bedroom, feigning a small hint of curiosity when inside I was itching to explore everything. I didn't want to appear too desperate, even though I had been dying to get inside her house for awhile. It didn't come as a surprise that Jade ruled over two rooms. Her den, as she called it, was exactly what I was expecting. She'd only given me a brief tour but the lace covered walls, dead butterfly collection, scissor display and questionable species in jars screamed JADE in bold capitals. Her bedroom though, was completely different. There were no glass jars or dead animals, just a desk, a chair, a lamp, some pictures on a shelf and a bed.

It became obvious this room was strictly for sleeping.

"Quit acting as if you're not curious, Vega. I can see right through it." Jade's voice gets my attention and I turn to her, my teeth moving to bite my lip again.

"How come you haven't got all your um...stuff in your bedroom?" I can tell it's not the question she was expecting.

"Oh...because I prefer it in my den. My father said I could have my own space downstairs, as long as I kept the appearance of being "normal." for guests upstairs."

"Okay. Well there's not really-"

"There's not really much to poke around with in here?" Jade finishes my sentence with an amused smirk. "So sorry to disappoint, but that visit's for next time."  
I have to stop the grin from taking over my lips, my heart leaping right up into my mouth.

There was going to be a next time.

We both sit in silence for awhile, the sun dipping underneath the horizon and I watch the shadow's gradually creep over the window sill. She's sat on the far side of the room and I'm on the other and I couldn't help but feel like she was trying to deliberately create distance between us, as if the physical space would make any difference to how close our bodies had been an hour ago. I brush some left over flour from my jeans, still remembering the sensation and the heat from when we were crushed together. The quiet stretches on for longer, neither of us able to think of anything to say.

I mean, was the battle over the cupcake batter similar to the alleyway? Did that mean it was automatically filed underneath: forbidden to talk about?

I risk a fleeting glance over to Jade, noticing her piercing buried in a creased brow.

"Let's play a game." Jade finally breaks the quiet and I seize on it a little too quickly.

"Okay! Great!" I catch my enthusiasm and amp it down with a wince. "I mean sure, what game?"

"Truth or dare."

"Truth or dare?" My nose wrinkles.

"Yes, Tori. Truth or dare. It's a popular game, usually played at parties. I ask you whether you want a truth or a dare and then you-"

"I know how to play it!" I reply back indignantly, crossing my arms over my chest. "I'm just surprised you suggested it."

"Kay, so truth or dare?" I swallow a small lump in my throat, fidgeting around on my spot of carpet. Jade hadn't established any ground rules so it was pretty much a free for all. Knowing West, she'd probably dare me to jump out of the window and then push me out if I didn't cooperate. Well, maybe she would have done so a few months ago. Not now. Not after what had happened. The way her blue eyes seemed to push past our boundaries and pin me to the floor...

"Truth or dare." Jade repeats again, purposefully slowing down her words, her piercing gaze finding me across the room.

"Dare." I throw a glare at her but Jade casually smirks, standing up to retrieve a mug off of the shelf. She brings it over and thrusts it under my nose.

"This has been sitting here since last night. I dare you to drink it."

"What is it...?"

"Drink it and find out." She smiles sweetly.

I bring the cup closer and sniff it suspiciously. It was stone cold coffee. Cautiously, I tip the mug back to drink the last remaining gulps, the liquid tasting strange and gross. I knew Jade was watching, so I make an effort to act indifferent, setting the mug down before wiping the back of my mouth with my sleeve. She looked impressed, her eyebrow arching ever so slightly and I felt proud of myself. I hadn't gone the chicken route and instead, plunged myself straight into the deep end.

Something which seemed to be a running trend lately.

"Alright, Jade. Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Okay..." My eyes roam around the room looking for an idea, before landing on the window. "I dare you to yell that you're a pretty, pretty princess out the window!"

"What - no!"

"Ah, ah, ah. Is Jade West backing out on a dare?" I tease her, waggling my eyebrows.

Sure enough, Jade takes the bait and gets up, stomping over to her window. She undoes the latch and pushes it up, leaning her head out to scream.

"I'M A PRETTY, PRETTY PRINCESS!" Her voice echoes through the neighborhood and I fall back, laughing hard. I hear Jade slam the window down with force, rounding on me with such a vicious snarl on her lips that it shuts me up. "Truth. Or. Dare. Vega."

Her snarl makes me cringe, not willing to test Jade's anger through another dare, I make my selection carefully. "Truth."

"Tell me the worst date you've ever been on."

"The worst date? Probably Bobby Brownstein." I cringe at the memory. "He was a really popular guy back in Middle school and he took me on a date...but in the end, it was just for some dumb bet with his friends." I scuff at the carpet with my foot, almost regretting I'd said anything. Part of me questioned why I had even told Jade that particular story. I hadn't even told Trina about him. I was waiting for the laughter or at least a snort, but when I looked up, Jade's eyes were hard chips of ice.

"Idiot." She spits out.

"Hey! I didn't know he was going to do that to me!"

"Not you! Him." She growls impatiently. "I swear to God, sometimes people don't know how lucky they are-"

"Lucky?" My lips quirk. "You think getting to date me is "lucky"? I watch Jade shift uncomfortably.

"I worded that wrong. I meant-"

"You meant that getting to date me is considered lucky." I smirk.

"I will throw these scissors at you. No. I meant you're somewhat... semi-attractive and just forget it."

"No, no Jade. Finish what you were gonna say."

"No."

"Fine. I dare you to finish what you were going to say." I pull back with satisfaction, knowing I had her trapped. I hear huffs and strained noises of conflict from the other side of the room, before she sighs in defeat.

"You're not exactly...awful to look at. So that guy shouldn't have played you." Her fingers lace together. "I'm just being honest, anyone would be lucky to date you. I mean sure, you're annoying, clumsy and have optimism shooting out of your ass, but yeah, they'd be lucky... I guess?" I watch her shrug her shoulders, reaching behind me to snap on the bedside lamp. It was barely a few seconds, but I saw emotion fleetingly cross her eyes.

This was a compliment, as far as Jade's compliments went, and I wish she'd kept the lamp turned off because I could feel the blush color my cheeks for about the seventh time that night. Jade isn't looking in my direction which I was thankful for, desperately trying to force the stupid grin from my lips before she could see it, my heart thudding against my ribcage like a bouncy ball.

"...Truth or dare, Jade?" My voice is barely above a whisper, noticing she was studying my lips as they moved.

"Truth."

"Is there...anyone you like at Hollywood Arts, right now?"

I can barely hear my own question over the rushing in my ears, my whole body tense in anticipation for her answer. I regretted asking it as soon as my words left my tongue, automatically gearing myself up to prepare for the crushing, humiliating response and angry retort. She'd probably still say Beck, or Andre maybe even Cat...

Jade hesitates for half a second, her pale hands reaching out to grip one of my wrists, and then the other until I was laying down with my back on the ground and she was on top of me again. Her eyes had softened to the calmest blue, a rolling ocean I could easily slip into and drown. Leather and coffee; overpowering my ability to think clearly. I exhale quietly, absolutely terrified of breaking this fragile moment and allow my eyes to close, sinking deeper into this madness we'd created.

It's the tiniest of brushes, but it sends my heart into overdrive, my lips moving back to meet with hers. It was a pretty clumsy kiss as all first kisses go, but it was our kiss and I refused to pull back, drawing her in closer, willing to suffocate. Everything seems to melt away until it's just me and Jade, my body erupting with a heat I'd never felt before. It was nothing like I had imagined. No words could possibly capture the happiness or the pure... ecstasy I felt in that moment. I didn't know if this meant we had torn down all our barriers, or if Jade would even want to remember this kiss come tomorrow.

I only knew that if I was dreaming, I never wanted to wake up again.


	20. No Man's Land

/JADE/

"-Of course, my brother thought because he ate this 'special sushi' that he could fly. So he ran to the top floor of our hotel building, but he tripped and ended up falling through the window and onto the top of a Japanese tour shuttle bus and I'm pretty sure one of the ambulance people-"

I skim my fingertip around the rim of one of Cat's pink glasses, staring at the painted on blue unicorn without focusing.

"-They ended up handcuffing him to the bed because he kept saying he was a superhero! Which reminds me of another time when he wore this cape on Halloween..."

Pretty much immediately after that- that stupid truth or dare game, I had all but thrown Vega out of my house and driven straight over to Cat's, bombarding her with demands to tell me any dumb stories she had about her brother before I was even through the front door.

"-And his cape got stuck in a fan, so he spent the rest of the night in this dinosaur costume, until the police came-"

You've done it now, West. You've fucking done it.

I vehemently refused to think it, let alone say it out loud but it had happened. The no man's land had been crossed and the dirt efficiently torn up underneath us. I couldn't even explain how it happened. Like many of the lingering questions between me and Tori- none of them had an answer. They just all managed to exist in a complicated web of knots and tangles that neither of us could even imagine where to start unraveling.

"So...I guess that answers my question, huh?" Tori giggles breathlessly, gently tucking a strand of hair back behind my ear. I'm frozen in place, my arms still either side of her body, our kiss still burning on my lips. I stare at her for several more seconds, before getting up quickly and brushing myself down, refusing to even make eye contact. Tori sits up and I hear the quiet sigh across the room, catching her reflection in the mirror.

She's tracing her lips with her finger.

My back is to her but I can picture everything she was doing. Her hand pushing through her hair, teeth softly embedded into her bottom lip. I let my eyes close, feeling a whole rush of emotions hit me like a truck. Nevermind about playing with fire, I had just thrown myself into the inferno and I'd taken Tori with me.

"Jade?"

"You need to go."

"But...can't we talk about this?" My fingers curl into a fist, a wave of guilt at Tori's small and confused voice. "I mean, you just-"

"Don't. Don't say it."

"But I'm tired of brushing things under the rug, Jade! We need to talk about it and even if you want to deny it, you kissed me!"

"I don't want to deny it! I can't - I know what happened, Tori! But I'm telling you to leave, now!"

I watch her flinch, debating on pushing me for more answers but I had already locked myself down tight, my stronghold like steel. Tori knew then she wasn't getting anything else from me, her body almost visibly shaking with anger. Silently, she snatches up her bag and storms out of my room, the slam of the front door echoing throughout the house.

I hadn't heard from her since.

"Jade? Jaade...did you hear me? I was wondering what color pink I should paint my room next. Frosted Tulip or Raspberry Sorbet?" Cat's looking at me curiously, clearly noting I'd checked out for awhile. Oh God, was it obvious to her who I had been thinking about? I study myself in the mirror, relieved to see no discernible differences in my appearance. Except for some smudged eyeliner and slightly tousled hair, I looked normal.

"I like the Raspberry Sorbet." I mutter, still trying desperately not to hit the replay button on tonight, but it was pointless. Tori had finally made her way underneath my skin to find my heart, making herself a nice little nest to take up residence. My lips tingled just thinking about our kiss, the way her body felt so right against mine. It was a well known fact I despised cliches, but even I couldn't deny we had melted perfectly together.

"Have you talked to Beck yet?"

"What?" The question catches me off guard.

I'd almost forgotten about him.

"Beck. I know I shouldn't really ask but I wanted to know if you guys were still friends?"

"Uh...yeah. I guess?" I try and skate around the subject. "So this Raspberry Sorbe-"

"I was only asking because I didn't want it to stop us from all hanging out." Cat's fingers twist together, balling up her pink furry blanket. "Because I know you and Tori don't like each other and-"

"We do like each other."

"What?" It was Cat's turn to be confused and I retreat, pushing my tongue up against my front teeth.

"I meant that Vega isn't on my top ten list of favorites, but I can just about tolerate her!" I snap, feeling guilty as Cat winces. Her nose is wrinkled, thinking over my answer to make sure it made sense to her. To everyone else, I was simply tolerating Tori. Nothing more. I'm relieved when she accepts my answer, nodding along.

That had been too damn close. Was I suddenly incapable of keeping my mouth shut when it came to Vega? I force myself to exhale slowly, listening to Cat launch into a detailed description of her new room layout.

Thousands of questions kept buzzing around my head, increasing in volume as they swarmed around me, all battling each other for attention; picking, prodding and poking me, each sharp sting lingering after each attack. I could vaguely hear Cat's voice babbling on in the background, but it was distant, like she was talking underwater and I hadn't surfaced.

I hadn't surfaced.

Tori had robbed me of my oxygen the instant our lips touched. She had managed to invade all of my senses, seeping into my veins like the sweetest of toxins. She had infected my blood stream and took over my thoughts, erasing everything I had ever known about her. I didn't stand a chance.

So why are you still fighting it, West?

Because I was stubborn, we were both stubborn. I still wanted to refuse or ignore anything had really happened. For some reason, I associated it as sign of weakness - which was stupid, given the fact we'd already practically surrendered to one another. I didn't like not having control. I hated that I was rendered...virtually powerless with my own emotions and with her. It scared me... but it thrilled me all at the same time and it was driving me absolutely fucking insane.

She was driving me insane.

"Oh! Actually, I've changed my mind about the room color. I think I'll go for purple instead!" Cat chirps away happily, acting completely oblivious as she held her stuffed giraffe up in the air for color comparison. "It's been pink for awhile now and I wanna change it. I mean, it's always worth trying something new and taking risks because sometimes the risks are worth the outcome, isn't that right Mr Purples?" She presses her nose to the giraffe's.

I blink a few times, my brain clicking and churning it's overused gears to slowly process Cat's words. If I had been looking, I would have seen the little red head glancing my way, her brown eyes twinkling with mischief as if she already knew. But my gaze was focused on the other side of the room. My fingers grip the edge of the bed but she continues to ramble on, each sentence repeatedly striking a nerve ending right at my core.

It was considered a rare occasion but for once, Cat Valentine might have said something that actually made sense.


	21. Intervention

/TORI/

My spoon pokes unenthusiastically at my breakfast cereal, moving the now soggy pieces of marshmallow across the bowl. I wasn't in the mood to eat, the spoon repeatedly clinking against the rim over and over, the sound itself grating on my nerves.

I wanted to scream.

I had left Jade's house in such a rage that I didn't even register that I was back home, until I had slammed my bedroom door. My hands had instantly gone to snatch up the shirt and Jade's scissors, fully intending to shred her shirt into millions of little pieces. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Why did she think it was okay to continuously screw with my feelings like this? Did she really feel the same way or was this just some kind of fun for her? Did she see me as a rebound or something more? I groan and lower my head to the table, letting the cold surface soothe my forehead. Whenever one of my questions got an answer, about another 10 hurried to take it's place and I was so sick and exhausted from treading this tidal wave of queries!

But she did kiss you.

Oh yes, like I could forget, thank you. My fingertips move to trace over my lips again. I could still feel every contour of Jade's mouth, how those lips felt pressed against mine. They weren't hard like I was expecting, but soft and full and so inviting. It made me shiver just thinking about it.

Yeah Tori, she climbed on top of you, kissed you and then...threw you out of her house. I had to be honest and say I was waiting for her reaction, a part of me still clinging to the hope it wouldn't happen. I figured as soon as our lips touched that most of the barriers would be down, thinking maybe Jade would relax her guard. But no. If anything, she seemed to have reinforced her defenses. I chew my bottom lip, still tasting a hint of our kiss and pick up my phone to scroll through my text messages.

"So what the chiz were you screaming about last night?" I don't look up from my phone, scrolling my thumb over the screen as my sister enters the kitchen. She clangs around the cupboards, shoving one of her latest dietary protein meals in the microwave before grabbing a carton of orange juice and sitting across from me, obviously refusing to be ignored. "Hello? Tori? You disturbed my fitness sleep cycle, so you owe me an explanation. Why were you slamming doors at 3AM?" I grind my teeth.

"It's nothing Treen, don't worry."

"Tori. You're my baby sister." She fixes me with an earnest look. "You should know by now that I have a keen sense of awareness in my environment and I can tune into other people's feelings. It's one of my many amazing talents and I know when something is wrong. So tell me." She studies me over the table and I squint, leaning closer to focus in on her chin.

"Hey, I think I can see a giant zit that's about to erupt..."

"No! I thought I put cover up on that!" I watch my sister spin around and quickly use the distraction to make my escape from her interrogation, taking refuge outside.

My feet pace up and down along the patio, before I have to sit down from getting myself too wound up. I think what was bothering me the most about all of this was Jade's denial. It wasn't as if I was asking her to do a song and a dance number about us, but it would be nice for her to acknowledge we existed at least once. She liked to draw me in, play with me for a little while and then push me back, refuse to admit anything had happened. She was afraid. I could tell by the way she seemed to immediately shut down after our kiss. I didn't want to push, but now we'd breached some barriers, I felt I was entitled to some answers.

She's ashamed.

The thought cuts through me unexpectedly and I have to fall back, sitting in silence for a few minutes to listen to the morning LA traffic. Maybe she was ashamed. Not just about liking me, but about having an attraction to females in general. It would explain a lot. Her parents definitely didn't seem to be the type to approve, so perhaps she was hiding it all. Inviting in what she really wanted, inviting me in, before the mental restrictions forced her to stop.

I could say that I didn't feel ashamed...even though I'd had my share of backlash in the past. But Jade, she was supposed to be in love with Beck. Obviously she must have had some sort of set plan for their future. I just don't think either of us realized how much I would be involved.

I had to get her to talk to me.

Hey Tori. Did you still want to go over the lighting sequences today?

I pull out my phone, disappointed when Sinjin's name flashed on the screen instead of Jade's, not that I expected her to contact me. I'm halfway through sending back a short reply when an insane idea forces itself into my mind. An idea so borderline suicidal that it might just work, might be the push that Jade needed to get us to communicate.

Yeah we can but Sinjin? I need to ask you for a favor.

Sure, what do you need?

I need your help to kidnap Jade.


	22. Or Forever Hold Your Peace

/JADE/

My pencil taps against the spine of my notepad, not really concentrating on any rhythm, or the class in general. Sure, it wasn't like I had a giant, flashing neon sign above my head screaming: I KISSED TORI VEGA. But for some reason, I had still expected people to stare, or at least whisper while I passed in the hallways. Every little sideways glance or concealed whisper made me paranoid.

I skim my fingers over my phone, the screen still blank of any text messages. I didn't think Vega would contact me and I couldn't be surprised really. Still, a small part of me kept willing for my phone to light up. I wanted to see a message from her so I could at least try and explain myself...even though I had no idea where to begin. I felt as if I was re watching a movie, where you already know the story so your brain starts to drift and focus on other things, noticing little details in the background you didn't before. I felt it accurately described what was going on with me - with us. We were both going back and rewinding everything that had happened, slowly beginning to piece all the details together to form something solid. Except now, I'd pretty much cut her out.

Again.

"Excuse me? Mr Johnston? I have a message from Lane." I glance up briefly to see Sinjin in the doorway, my lips curling in slight disgust. I was pretty sure the dark mark on the front of his shirt was some type of dried on food stain. "He wants to see Jade in his office." I pause and give him a cold stare before pushing back from my seat.

"What does Lane want with me?"

"He didn't say. Only that I had to come and get you from class." I give a loud, annoyed sigh and follow him down the hallway.

"Well is this going to take long? Because I have other things I could be doing-"

"Now!" I hear the shout, two hands shoving into my back to push me forwards. I barely have enough time to react until I'm tossed into the janitors closet, stumbling into a pair of familiar arms.

"What the actual fuck!? Tori!" Sharp recognition glazes over my eyes, lips curling into a threatening snarl. I wrestle myself free from her grip and spin around just in time to see the door slam in my face. "What the hell is this?"

"Jade, just hear me out. I only need a minute." She knows what I'm already thinking, her own lips quirking into a smug smirk. "I told Sinjin to block the doorway and Burf has the escape ladder covered. Now will you listen?"

"You've kidnapped me and you got Tweedledum and Dee to help you!"

"I'm giving you an out." Her words catch me off guard.

"An out...?"

"Yes, an out. As in an out from us. If you don't want anymore contact between us, then you can speak now."

"Or forever hold your peace?" She gives me a withering look.

"I'm being serious, Jade. If you want to walk away and pretend like nothing's happened, then okay. If you want to go back to normal then just say so. But I won't - I can't carry on like this. I need to know what you're feeling, about us and everything. I need to know if it's real, if it means anything..." She trails off quietly, her eyes refusing to meet mine. My feet move towards her as if on autopilot.

I didn't need time time to think.

"You want to know if it's real?" My hands rest on those hips and I feel a small edge of tension slip away. "You want to know if it means anything to me?" I push closer, pinning the Latina back against the door. "Tori I- I feel...helpless yet stronger when I'm with you." I can see her surprised reaction, surprised myself that my heart was overruling my pride. "I've thought about what to say to you since the cupcakes, but I can't find the words. I'm both terrified and excited to be with you. " I see her opening her mouth to say something, but my finger presses down gently on her lips. "And I can't stop thinking about our kiss."

I watch Tori's brown eyes flicker, hardening in the artificial light. I'm worried she's going to be the one to end it, feeling her knock my arm out of the way. This is it, the moment where she tells me she actually doesn't want me, that it's over and we never had anything to begin with. I was too much of an effort. I wait in anticipation for a few seconds, her body suddenly crushed to mine. My limbs melt back into hers as if it required no conscious thought. Which it didn't.

My hands slide upwards to brush over her ribs, relishing in the way her body trembled ever so slightly with want. She pulls me in, closing the gap to press her lips back against mine, that same rush electrifying my nerve endings all over again. Without even knowing, we had become slowly addicted to each other and it was difficult to determine who was worse. I feel her hands running up and down my back, her nails digging gently into my skin so I arched into her.

"That's...that's all I've been waiting to hear." Tori moans in between our kisses, her nails sinking in a little more.

The only sound that follows between us is heavy breathing, my hands tangling in her hair, my lips dropping lower to tease along Tori's jawline while her hands gripped my ass to push me closer. It was a fairly well known fact theater kids possessed no sense of personal space and we made no exceptions to it, my lips and hands as eager to venture as Tori's. I lift up the hem of her shirt, gliding my mouth over her collarbone, pleased when Tori lets out a little squeak. I push a little more, riding up the shirt to expose the bottom of her bra, my fingers toying with the lace.

"No going back." I murmur, slowly stroking my hand over one of the cups. Tori's hand grips my wrist, using it to yank me right up against her. I'm surprised by Vega's bold streak and even more surprised when her own hand is tugging at my shirt, slim fingers teasing over my covered nipple.

"No more denial." She rolls the bud between her fingers, my stomach twisting in knots. I push my tongue to the front of my teeth, using my knee to grind between her legs, those sweet lips parting in a gasp.

"No more pretending like this isn't something we haven't wanted." She nods and captures my lips again, my body willingly taken prisoner.

If perfection existed, this would be it. Tori leaving her permanent indents on my skin, our bodies pressed so close together I could hear her racing heartbeat. Okay, so the school's janitor closet wasn't the most romantic of places for our second kiss, I'll admit it. But that's what made it even better. It was simplicity. We didn't need anything fancy with fireworks in the background to know what was happening. Just that we were both here, tangled up together, and it was more than enough for us right now.


	23. Security Blanket

/TORI/

"Hey, did you know there's this flesh eating virus known as Necrotizing Fasiitis? It's where your body's cells are literally eating and chewing on your muscle and tissue until you're nothing but a skeleton with a bag of blood and pus filled rashes." I grimace at Jade's words, pushing my plate away.

"I guess I'm eating my slice of pizza later then." I hear her chuckle, an arm winding around my waist to pull me closer.

"Remind me to show you all of the Saw and Hostel films."

"Thanks horror queen but I'm going to politely decline." I make a face, settling myself back so I was laying in Jade's lap, her lips quirking into a playful smirk.

I couldn't tell you how long it had been since our kiss in the janitors closet. Time seemed to slip into virtually nothing when were together. It was probably a week, maybe two? I didn't particularly care about counting the days, only that I got to spend them with her. Because being with Jade was a rush, she was the only one who could make my heart skip several beats just by walking into the room. Of course, I'm not saying I was "love-sick" or "head over heels" or any of that other exaggerated cheesy stuff you find in romance films, but it was the most fun I'd had for awhile and... I had to admit I liked having all of her attention.

"You cut it pretty close the other day, Vega" Jade murmurs, idly playing with a strand of my hair. "Almost getting us caught in the closet."

"Hey!" I sit up in protest. "That was hardly my fault!"

My head jerks up, hearing a knock on the door. I throw Jade a panicked look, her expression matching mine as we both stood half naked in the janitors closet. I quickly scramble for my jeans, yanking them up to slide back on, my fingers fumbling at the button.

"Jade? Is that you?" Cat's voice floats through the door, her hand shaking the handle from outside.

"Do up your jeans, Tori. Button them now!" Jade hisses sharply.

"I am trying! The button's jammed!"

"Is that Tori? Are you both in there together? I have a question!" More persistent rattling.

"Faster, damn it. Cat's gonna alert the whole school!"

"I am trying my hardest! Yelling at me isn't going to help!" I snap back angrily, my button still refusing to cooperate. Jade growls and spots a bucket. Without any warning she tosses it at me, soaking my lower half with dirty janitor water, wrenching open the door to confront a confused looking Cat.

"Tori had an accident. I was helping her clean it up."

"This is water. It's water!" I rush to add quickly, aware of the liquid was now soaking through the denim. "I was getting a bucket for a prop and I didn't realize it was uh- already filled and it spilled on me. Luckily, I had Jade here to help me." I make sure to give Jade a pointed glare, my hand covering my unzipped jeans.

"Kay..." Cat moves to peer inside but Jade kicks the door closed. "Well my question is, if superman and superwoman had a baby would it be a super-super baby or just a regular baby?"

I can't stay mad at Jade, her eyes shining with amusement at the memory. That had been the only close call we'd had so far, which was surprising, considering we'd managed to find ourselves making out in every available, private space; empty classrooms, in the gym, the Black Box theater and at one point, an awkward -never to speak of again- fumble around in the back of Jade's car. We were addicted and it was painfully obvious by the little marks and scratches we left on each other. That's as far as we'd gone though, nothing past the bra and panties which I was perfectly fine with, so long as Jade was pressed up against me, I didn't have a single care in the world.

"Jade...we should try and actually answer some blog questions tonight." I shift so I'm looking at her, walking my fingers up and down her pale flesh. "I mean, since we're supposed to be running a blog and everything. Why don't we take a look?"

"Or we could just stay like this all night and ignore the blog for the rest of forever?"

"Jade, you know Sikowitz is keeping an eye on us to make sure we're blogging together." I sit up and pull the laptop over, Jade's fingers skimming over my back to make me shiver.

"I love your skin..." She slides a hand along my shoulder, rubbing over it gently. "It'll make a great addition to my human skin suit."

"Just when I thought you couldn't get any creepier..."

"Oh. You haven't even scratched the surface, Tori." Jade chuckles and gently draws her nails down my back. It takes most of my self restraint not to pounce on her.

"You know this blog was intended as a punishment, right?"

"Mhm." Jade starts kissing along my neck, obviously enjoying my reactions to her touch.

"So we should at least try and make it look like it's torture."

"Except I can think of much better methods of torture..."

I try and hide the shiver, pushing the power button to start the computer, watching the little icon loading onscreen. Jade sighs and presses closer, sliding her arms around my waist from behind. Her hair still faintly smelled of her mango shampoo.

"Wait...is that me? When did you take that?" I direct my attention back to the screen. I had almost forgotten I had changed my screensaver to a picture of Jade. I remembered snapping the shot in the cupcake cafe. I guess you could consider it a candid since I'd done it secretly. But she had looked so carefree in that moment, so much like the Jade I knew and loved, her head thrown back with laughter in her eyes. No barriers or walls, just Jade.

My Jade.

"I uh, I took that in the cafe. I didn't think you'd mind...I just really liked the picture." I mumble awkwardly and Jade frowns.

"But I'm not even looking at the camera. I'm sure you could find a better shot of me."

"Except I like this one, because it's not forced."

I watch her raise an eyebrow. "Forced?"

"Yeah, it's unscripted. It captures the real you. I thought it represented you the best because it's a real and raw image of Jade West and I guess. Well I figured that- I uh-" My babbling is cut of by a kiss, Jade's lips curving into a smile against my own.

"I love it."

"You-you do?"

"I do." She nods and traces the screen, tracing her own mouth, open with laughter. "Though if anyone else had taken this picture, I'd have broken their arm."

"Jade. I have to know something about the alleyway..." I pause and she shakes her head, placing a finger over my lips.

"I know you've got questions and I'm still not ready. Not yet."

I can see her fighting with her emotions again. I hadn't brought the subject up for awhile on purpose, thinking she would eventually tell me what had happened. We'd still managed to carry on our lives as normal but I could see she was getting tired, exhausted from holding it all back, even if she tried her best to hide it from me. But Beck, the night with those men. It was still there. I hadn't made those thoughts go away forever, just temporarily. I knew I'd be there for when she was ready to fall apart.

I hoped she found that comforting.

"Okay, well let's see what the public wanna know about us." I make myself focus back on the blog, clicking on the first message.

Anonymous asked: on a scale of 1-10, how much do you two love each other?

I can hear Jade shifting on my mattress, taking the laptop away to start tapping at the keys.

"What are you typing?" I try and peer over curiously but Jade tilts the screen down.

"I have an idea." She keeps typing, turning the screen when she was finished so I could see her response.

JADE: Can I use negatives? -10, and further if that's possible.  
t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶c̶a̶l̶e̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶i̶n̶f̶i̶n̶i̶t̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶

My nose wrinkles. "But people can still see what we've crossed out. It doesn't hide it from view, it's still there."

"I know, but by crossing it out we're not owning up to anything. We can deny all knowledge."

"I don't get it." Jade sighs and pushes the laptop back to me.

"Just try it."

TORI: I guess I'll give her like a 5. I consider her a friend.  
i̶n̶f̶i̶n̶i̶t̶y̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶ ̶u̶n̶d̶e̶r̶s̶t̶a̶t̶e̶m̶e̶n̶t̶.

"Oh okay. Now I kinda see what you mean." I click on the next ask.

Anonymous: Do you really think we can't read what you cross out?

JADE: I don't know what you're talking about.

TORI: We don't cross anything out.

We both exchange a grin.

No. Of course us crossing out our answers obviously didn't hide anything from anyone, but it felt nice to have a security blanket. The little line which protected our words, our true feelings for each other.

Anonymous: Tori what would you do if Jade told you she was in love with you and wanted you? Jade same question but with Tori telling you that?

JADE: I would tell her to go and see Lane to sort out her deep psychological issues.  
I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶l̶e̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶g̶o̶.̶

TORI: I'd be really surprised because there's no way Jade would ever say that to me. At least not without it being a prank or joke or something.  
B̶u̶t̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶s̶h̶e̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶m̶e̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶,̶ ̶I̶'̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶h̶a̶p̶p̶i̶e̶s̶t̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶l̶u̶c̶k̶i̶e̶s̶t̶ ̶w̶o̶m̶a̶n̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶u̶n̶i̶v̶e̶r̶s̶e̶.̶

I watch Jade's lips twitch. "The happiest and luckiest woman in the universe, huh?"

I counter the smirk. "You wouldn't let me go?"

Her arms wind around my waist and I find myself falling back into her lap once again. Our lips meet hungrily and Jade pushes the computer aside, muttering we were done for the night.

This time, I don't argue.


	24. Bragging Rights

/JADE/

"Eat lead, you pathetic human!" I holler loudly, holding my finger down on the trigger.

"Jade? Hey! You're supposed to be aiming for the zombies!" I snort and swing my plastic gun around, getting a head shot at a fat hot dog vendor.

"We're losing accuracy points because of you!"

"Well I'm having fun." I smirk, watching a woman hit the floor and get dragged away. "I'm creating bait while we escape. It's a genius plan really."

"Hit that guy! Hit that guy! No - not him!" Tori growls and tries to wrestle my gun from me. "He had a wife!"

"Not anymore."

I laugh maniacally, pumping the barrel of my shotgun as I blasted human after human which got in my way. Even though she was grimacing and complaining, I could tell Tori was secretly enjoying herself by the way the corners of her lips were twitching.

"Fat zombie! There's a fat zombie getting away in the limo!" I turn my attention back to the game as Tori yelps, pushing her aside to take my aim. "We gotta help the driver!"

"Don't worry. I'll help him."

"Jade! ...You weren't supposed to shoot him!" She wails and I smirk, shoving the toy gun back into the holder.

"Hey, I never said I'd help in a good way."

"You're unbelievable." She gives me a little shove, our individual scores tallying up on the board. I burst out laughing.

"Tori, your shot accuracy rate is 44 percent. 44 percent. What were you aiming at? Trees?"

"Hey! At least I wasn't aiming at civilians!"

"Obvious zombie logic: You kill everyone and then there's less chance of them turning into zombies."

"But then there's no survivors! There's no around!"

"Even better."

Tori grumbles and pushes her gun back in the strap, a little pout on her lips. I'm suddenly tempted to kiss it away, barely resisting the urge to press her up against the slot machines and shake them until all of the coins dropped out. She must know what I'm thinking because her tongue is absently tracing her bottom lip, a hand reaching out to wrap around my wrist...

"C'mon I saw a crane machine over this way!"

I roll my eyes. "Ugh. Crane machines are a total rip off. You know the claw is programmed to grab on every one hundred or so tries. So some sucker might get lucky and then get addicted. It's psychological. " Tori ignores me, tugging us both over to the largest machine in the arcade, the claw itself was giant but I knew that despite it's inviting size, it wouldn't grab anything.

"But look at all the prizes, Jade! We could win a giant bear, or a panda, or a big fluffy bunny-"

That got my attention.

"Bunny? Move." I shove her out of the way and draw out a handful of quarters, pumping them into the machine without noticing how much I was actually spending. The tries totaled up to an impressive sixteen. Sixteen tries for a bunny. I knew Tori was grinning at me, she probably thought it was adorable. I'd have to warn her of the consequences if she ever told anybody about this moment - after I'd won my bunny of course.

"I thought you said crane machines were a total rip off?"

"Shut up. I'm concentrating."

"Someone wants a bunnyyy..." I hear Vega sing song right next to my ear.

"I said quiet. Or I'll stuff your head in a slot machine and pull the lever."

Tori shuts herself up quickly, but the stupid grin is still on her face. We'd barely spent a whole official month together and I was sure my ability to actually intimidate her had shrunk considerably. But I didn't care. I could be myself around Tori and yes, I'm aware that is one of the most awful, cliched lines to use but I meant it. I had no other way to explain it. I hadn't completely neglected my defenses, but I wasn't exhausting myself by holding up the walls.

We both watch the claw maneuver and clunk around behind the glass, barely trying to grip so much as a fluffy tail.

"You're so cute when you're concentrating." She leans in to peck my cheek. I'm thankful it's dark to hide my blush.

"I don't care how long we have to stay here. I want a bunny." I toggle the crane over an inch and hit the button.

Tori's pressed so close to the machine that her nose is squished against it, her excited breath fogging up the glass.

"Oh my God - Jade. Jade. I don't wanna jinx it but the claw has the bunny." Tori is instantly by my side, her whole body frozen, afraid that if she moved it would affect the crane. I hold my breath, nails digging into my palm in pure hope.

The claw was making it's way back to us, the big bunny swinging precariously in it's grip.

I watch the claw arms shuddering, struggling to let go, wanting to deny me of my prize...

Tori jumps before I do, punching her fist in the air. "Yes! Yes! You got it, baby!" She claps and jumps around in excitement, crouching down to pull the humongous prize out of the machine. The alarms are sounding off in victory and I can see the staff members looking over and judging us, but I didn't care. I knew I'd remember this moment whenever I needed to feel happy.

Tori can't stop smiling and neither can I, both of us cuddling the large ball of fluff like proud, protective mothers. I'm still grinning like an idiot when Tori's lips press against mine, the bunny squashed between our bodies. I feel her arms wrap around my waist and I deepen the kiss, the rattling and pinging of the arcade games instantly fading away.

I moan quietly, Tori's fingers working their way into my hair and my hands slip down to grab her by the waist. It's difficult to move around with the giant bunny and our kisses soon turn into laughter, almost playfully wrestling each other until Tori pulls the bunny away to sit him on a machine.

"Let's put Benji up here."

I pause. "Benji?"

"Yeah...uh, Benjamin Bunny. Benji for short."

"You're such a dork." I mutter and she grins, now able to fully wrap me up in her arms for a proper kiss.

"Oh my God. You were right, Kenzie! Vega is a dyke!"

"See? I told you so. I knew those rumors were true!"

Tori hears the voices before I do, breaking away from my lips so fast I was sure she'd have whiplash. I switch my focus to glare at the two ganks. An obnoxious blonde and her less attractive looking sidekick. They couldn't have been older than 17.

"I always knew she was a queer and there's the proof! She was kissing some goth girl!"

"Gross!" They both giggle and I take a menacing step forward, hatred burning in my eyes.

So these were the pathetic weasels that used to torment Tori at Sherwood.

"I wish hadn't just eaten because I think I'm gonna be sick." The blonde drawls and I have the instant desire to cut her tongue out. My fingers twitch for my scissors, spying a security guard moving in from the sidelines.

"Disgusting!" The blonde sneers and links arms with her friend, walking off with her head held high in the air. I was sure if I threw my scissors, it would at least take a good chunk out of her scalp.

"Fuck you both." I spit acid and turn back around, but the place where Tori had been standing was now empty and a pit of dread fills my stomach.

"Oh no, baby..."


	25. Tough Guy Talk

/TORI/

"So you're just not going to talk anymore, is that it? Because of what some dumb ganks said about us?"

I stay motionless on the bed, watching Jade pace up and down the floor of her room. She had eventually found me at the mall food court, taking my wrist and forcibly dragging me away from the plate of my congealed looking cheese fries to shove me into the passenger side of the car.

I refused to talk all the way home.

What could I say to her? I felt...dirty. Okay, maybe not 'dirty' but those girls acidic reactions brought it all back, the teasing and the bullying from Sherwood. Regarding me and Jade as disgusting because we were two females and it wasn't considered "natural".

It was like a bucket of ice cold water had been thrown on me, finally stripping away the sunshine to reveal the ugly truth.

We had been ridiculed out loud and no one had defended us. No one would defend us. How could I explain myself to Jade? That the very thought of that public humiliation made me nauseous. That I was worried about being shouted at and degraded or denied just for holding her hand out in the open? Of course it wasn't going to make me stop what I was doing, but it was hard trying to hold your head up high when people we're pushing down on your shoulders...

"Tori, for God's sake." I flinch at her words, her voice softening. "You can't let them get to you."

I never thought I was doing anything wrong, it hadn't occurred to me these feelings were considered 'disgusting' I knew I had always preferred females, even though I might have been interested in Danny, Ryder and Steven. But it was a forced interest and as much as I tried I didn't - couldn't truly feel anything towards them. I'd never even said anything about it because I didn't feel like I had to. I guess I had been lying so successfully to myself I had started to believe it.

I'd gotten so good at blocking out painful memories from the past that I could convince myself it was okay to be who I was.

"Hey, hey. Forget about them. You're with me now." Jade cups my cheek with her hand, bringing me back to face her, holding me still with those piercing eyes. Ocean eyes that stretched for miles and miles, covering unexplored waters. Her hand slips around my neck and I'm being pulled forwards.

"God...I shouldn't have run away. I'm sorry." Jade doesn't answer, just barely brushing her lips back against mine. She's waiting for me to make the move. A part of me wanted to keep talking, to explain and Jade could see that, yet she didn't try and shut me up with a kiss. She was validating my feelings and my concerns, or at least giving me an opportunity to voice them.

But I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

I cross the short distance with a moan of pleasure, that delicious rush of electricity pulsing through me, lips eagerly moving back against hers in a dance we had pretty much mastered the choreography to. I let my feelings ebb away like the tide, my fingertips digging softly into her pale flesh to keep her close, wanting to memorize and capture every single moment we spent together.

"Will you tell me why you took off?" Jade murmurs against my neck but I cup her chin, pulling our lips back to meet. Silence and kisses would answer that question. It wasn't even an answer but it was satisfactory for now. I just couldn't bring myself to go into it.

"No, because I'm with you now." I whisper against those lips with a little smile and she pushes me down, straddling my hips while we laid in her bed. My hands tug insistently at her shirt but she leans down instead, pecking my lips with a smirk.

"I need some water. Be right back."

"Oh you're such a tease!" I half growl and whine after her, sitting up on the bed once she was gone. I smooth my hands over the covers, running the black material under my hand, a smile on my lips as I imagined sweet sleepy Jade curled up in these sheets. My hand moves to scoop up a pillow and I crush it to my face, inhaling her in deeply.

She smelled like home.

I was so caught up in what I was doing that I almost let out a shriek, lowering Jade's pillow to find a small blonde haired boy staring back at me from the doorway, those same piercing blue eyes flecked with green.

"What are you doing?" He looks suspicious.

I toss the pillow away quickly, a furious blush coloring my cheeks at being caught.

"N-nothing! I was just - hey, you must be Jade's brother! Conrad?" His body stiffens. "No, Cody! Hey Cody it's nice to finally meet you, I'm Tori." I hold out a hand, watching the small boy nervously. Was he likely to tell his sister I had been secretly sniffing her pillow? I mean, Trina was always eager to embarrass me with stories like this, but did the same rule apply for the West siblings?

"It's not nice to meet you." He responds back coldly, kicking the door closed to leave us in the room.

Oh.

"Hey why did you close the door-?"

"Let's get a few things straight here, Vega." He advances towards me, not even giving me a chance to fully process what was going on. I was actually being intimidated by a 12 year old! I clear my throat, squaring my shoulders back at him in an effort to look tough. I had a good height over him but he was a West, and as his sister had proved, highly unpredictable with a tendency towards violence. I had a pillow for a shield and I'm sure Jade would come to my rescue if I screamed loud enough...

"Cody..."

"No. We are not on friendly terms." He crosses his arms over his chest. "I have a few things I need to say to you as Jade's brother." He counts the points on his fingers. "One, you do not, under any circumstances hurt or upset my sister. Two, you stay with her - even when she's acting difficult. I've seen too many just give up because they can't or won't handle her... and three." He looks directly at me, crouching down to stare into my eyes. "I've never seen her this happy over someone before. She's obviously crazy about having you as a girlfriend, so please... don't break her heart." His voice has softened and I realize I'm clutching Jade's covers, loosening my grip slightly.

"Wait, girlfriend? She-she said that?"

"Not out loud but I've overheard her mentioning it. She talks about you in her sleep sometimes too."

"She called me her girlfriend..." I keep murmuring in a daze. Cody grins, his hard persona instantly dropping as he moves to sit with me on the bed.

"Hey Tori, it's great to meet you." He gives me a charming smile and I gasp, giving him a shove.

"You-you almost had me going there with all the tough guy talk!"

"Hey, we're a family of performers, what can I say?" He laughs and leans back. "I had to make sure you were serious with Jade. You know? Give you the brother talk. We still firmly hate each other but it doesn't mean I don't care about her, you know?"

He smiles again, his smile fiercely reminded me of Jade's.

"I'm gonna give you a hammer to the skull if you don't get the hell out of my room in 5 seconds."

"Ah. There's my sweet, loving sister." Cody responds smoothly, not even turning around. He was obviously used to Jade's threats.

"5...4...3..." I switch my glances from Jade to Cody, the similar West resemblance striking. They both had the same sharp cheekbones, the same stubborn jut to the chin which they were both using now. I hear Jade start to tap her foot impatiently and I had to admire Cody for his bravery. He was staying until the last second, just to prove a point.

"I swear to God, Cody. If I get to 0." Jade's voice snarls in warning and Cody finally moves, throwing me a wink over his shoulder.

"I'm sure I'll be seeing more of you around, Tori. Since my sister is so completely taken with you."

"You're going to suffer for that later." Jade hisses before slamming the door in his face. She rounds on me and I can hardly keep the grin off of my lips, ducking my head down to focus all of my attention on a loose thread on the sheets.

A shift on the mattress and Jade's eyes are boring into mine, her fingers tilting my chin upwards.

"What did he say to you? I want all the details. Now."

"He said you call me your girlfriend and you're crazy about me."

Jade curls her fists.

"I'm gonna kill him."

I shake my head and pull her back against me, always taking advantage of any moment where we could be wrapped up in one another.

"Cmon, Jade. He was only teasing. " I feel her stiffen, my thumb gently rolling along her palm. "I think it's really sweet knowing how much you care about me."

"It's not sweet. It's sickening." She's scowling, but I could see a ghost of a smile touch those lips.

I squeeze her hand. "I do kinda wished you'd waited to come back though. I wanted to confirm some things for him."

"Oh, like what?"

I draw back, absentmindedly tracing the pattern on the blanket.

"He said not to hurt you or upset you." I can feel her eyes locked on me while I talked. "He told me not to break your heart and I didn't get the chance to tell him I wouldn't..."

Jade's lips are set in a tight line.

"Kay, well I'm going for a shower."

And there it was, the shut down mode had been activated. I'd said too much and she'd retreated. Though I noticed her tone wasn't as abrupt as usual? Or maybe that was me being optimistic. The atmosphere shifts and I could feel the question lingering in the air between us.

We hadn't known each other long enough.

It was too soon.

But I still couldn't stop the question trying to spill from my lips.

"Can I-" I stop myself short, noting the flashing green eyes; the silent desire to be alone for the moment. "Can I, uh turn on your TV? Maybe catch up on Celebrities Underwater?"

"Sure. Remote's on the table." I wait until she's out of sight, listening to the bathroom door close with a click.

Are you out of your mind, Vega? Asking Jade West if you could join her in the shower! You haven't even seen each other fully naked yet! What made you think it was okay to just jump in the shower with her!?

I groan and crush the pillow back to my face, hoping to stay hidden in the darkness forever.

That's when I hear her crying.

"Jade?" I'm up in an instant, rushing over to the bathroom door. I try the handle, twisting it to find it unlocked. "Jade? Are you okay?" I wait for the steam to clear, my eyes falling on a huddled figure on the shower floor. She was concealed by the shower curtain but I saw the curled up shadow, watched the curtain trembling with her sobs. "Baby..."

"Tori..." She chokes back a whimper and I look around, snatching a towel from the rail.

"I'm here, Jade. I'm here." I hold the towel out in front of me so I can't see anything, carefully wrapping her up and swaddling her like an infant. Her nails rip into my skin but I let her cling on, her wet hair soaking through my shirt.

"Tori - Tori. Beck - t-those men!"

"Ssh, Jade. Jade it's okay." I guide us out of the bathroom, pulling her down to the floor so I could keep both of my arms secured around her.

"They touched me...they were gonna - they said -" My heart seizes up, the desire to shield her burning my veins.

"But they didn't. I was there, I protected you."

"I was so weak! I didn't defend myself!" She snarls and tries to wrestle out of my grip, but I hold her firm. "I did nothing! I stood there and let them grope me!"

"Jade? Jade! Jade, look at me!" I grab her chin to force her eyes to mine, staring intensely at the raging irises. "You did everything you could. You weren't yourself and there were too many of them. You're safe, they didn't hurt you. You're here at home...in my arms."

"S-safe." Jade repeats the word with a quiver, burying her face back into my chest. I could tell it took too much effort to say anything else.

"Safe." I reassure, pressing a loving kiss to her forehead. "I've got you. I've always got you, okay?"

She doesn't answer, but I didn't need her to speak anymore. I had been waiting for this moment, anticipating the day when the barriers would burst and everything would rush out all at once. Jade needed to break and I was relieved I could be beside her when it happened. She'd been trying to patch up the wound for too long.

Now she'd run out of band-aids.

"I've got you, Jade. I've got you..."


	26. Secret Admirer

/JADE/

"And this is exactly why I no longer store my extra sandwiches underneath the kitchen sink." I roll my eyes, barely listening to Sikowitz's story as he goes on and on, pointing at the board with this little laser pen. Not that I would have been listening anyway. Even if he had the most interesting, captivating story in the world, it was nothing compared to the hold Vega had put on me.

She had held me for hours last night, stroking my hair and cuddling me in her lap. If it had been anyone else I'd have shoved them away, accused them of 'babying me' but it was different with Tori. Everything was different with Tori. She made me feel so protected and secure, like I could do anything or say anything and it wouldn't make her love me any less.

"Why don't you keep your extra sandwiches in the fridge?" I hear someone suggest from the back of the classroom, but my attention is still trained on Tori. She shifts in her seat as if she knew I was watching her, sweeping a hand through her hair to toss it over her shoulder and I know it's to purposefully tease me, to distract me.

Oh.

It was getting increasingly difficult to keep our hands to ourselves in public. More than once, we've had to use physical restraint to keep from holding hands over the table, or bite our tongues to let anything slip. It was torture for me...and not the good kind. I wanted to hold her, I wanted to have her close to me so I could play with her fingers, or run my own hand through her hair while we sat in class. We had both eventually agreed that it would be better if we put distance between us, knowing if we were in too close proximity together, that we couldn't resist the temptation to touch. But it was hard. Fuck, was it hard.

At least she had forgotten about those girls.

"Wait, you mix baloney with pickles, cheese and mustard, leave it for weeks and you're wondering why it smells?" Tori questions Sikowitz, her head tilting to the side.

What I wouldn't give to tangle my hands in her hair and just kiss her right now.

That's what I'd done last night when she stayed at mine again. Hands in her hair and lips at her neck, teasingly biting and nibbling playfully. We'd also agreed, grudgingly on my part, not to leave any visible marks on each other and it was a rule I was having trouble sticking to. Because I could easily imagine my marks all over her neck, little bruises littering her skin so she and everyone else knew, Tori Vega was mine. Yeah, I would proudly show off those hickies.

Sikowitz starts getting more animated with his discussion about left over sandwiches and I watch as Tori knocks her pencil to the floor. She turns around in her seat and fixes me with a knowing little smirk, running her tongue along the top of her teeth. I just scowl back at her, silently promising revenge later for all this torment and she throws me a wink, my back stiffening in the chair.

It was...frustrating. That's how I'd describe our secret, few minute fumbles. Frustrating and unsatisfying. We'd gotten into the routine of arriving early at school and making out in the janitors closet until more people started to arrive. We would go at it hot and heavy for those few minutes, grinding and tugging at shirt fabric because we knew it would be the only contact we'd be able to get all day. Moaning and panting at one another in the small enclosed space, before timing our exit so it didn't look suspicious. I noticed we still hadn't ventured past the underwear but I could physically feel Tori tensing up whenever I mentioned it. So I wasn't going to push her. Not on that.

"Has Jadey gone to daydream land?" Sikowitz's voice suddenly snaps me out of my thoughts and I blink, the whole class all turned in their seats with their head towards me, including Tori who held a stupid, triumphant smirk. Cat giggles and points an accusing finger, noticing the color rush to my cheeks.

"She's been staring at Tori this whole time!" Tori's smirk instantly drops.

"I was plotting on various ways to kill her to pass the time, Cat." I growl threateningly, shrugging it off as if it was nothing. "Would you rather I focus my plans on you?" Her little terrified squeak was all the answer I needed, my own answer the confirmation to everyone else that everything was still normal. Jade still hated Tori and that's the way it would always be. Even though her back is to me, I know Tori is chewing on her bottom lip.

"Uh excuse me? I have a flower delivery for Tori... Venga?" A man appears at the door with a colorful bouquet is his hands and Tori's nose wrinkles with confusion, before her gaze settles on me. I keep my expression neutral.

"It's- it's Vega and thank you." She gets up and accepts the flowers, the whole atmosphere shifting in the classroom. If I had been paying attention to anyone other than Tori, I would have noticed Andre giving me a pointed look.

"Oh gather round everyone, Tori has an admirer!" Sikowitz is practically giddy with child like excitement. "Is there a note or a message from this special person?"

"Not that I can see..." Tori pretends to search the bouquet for a secret hidden message, the corners of her lips twitching.

She was happy.

"They could have at least got your name right! What kind of crush doesn't know how to spell your name?" Cat pipes up and Rex agrees.

"I remember all the names of my Northridge girls. Candy, Clarice, Jenny or was it Jess..?"

"Maybe they're poisonous." Beck adds and I shoot him a filthy glare.

Andre studies the flowers carefully. "They don't look like bush daises."

"They aren't bush daises." Tori grinds out forcefully, quickly catching herself. "I wonder who would have sent me flowers?"

I sit back and let myself revel in the moment, enjoying the little scene of Tori faking her ignorance while she was practically glowing from the inside - that sweet moment ruined by Robbie.

"Oh hey, the delivery guy left behind a receipt. Maybe it'll tell us who the secret admirer is?" He starts to unfold it and I see panic flash in Tori's eyes.

"Oh whatever. Who the chiz cares if sweet, perfect little Tori has some dumb admirer?" I get up, snatching the evidence out of his hands quickly before he could read it. "She probably sent them to herself to make herself feel better about being so irritating!" I coat my voice with a snarl and storm out of the classroom, slamming the door behind me.

"Well...looks like someone's had an extra helping of grunch flakes this morning." Sikowitz mutters and Tori just laughs, pressing her face into the bouquet.


	27. I Promise You

/TORI/

"Oh cmon! Can't I peek a little?"

"No. Absolutely no peeking, Vega or I will have to kill you." I hear Jade's voice from beside me, the slight incline of the road and purr of her car engine being the only indication we were travelling somewhere uphill but that was as much as I knew. Jade refused to give me any hints about where she was taking me since I got into her car after school - well, I say got into but it was more like I was kidnapped given the fact she had tied a silk black blindfold over my eyes and unceremoniously shoved me into the passenger seat.

I moan into Jade's mouth, her hands sliding and roaming all over my body as we secretly kiss behind the cover of her car, another part of our routine we had grown so accustomed to doing. My eyes roll into the back of my head in pleasure, the entire parking lot simply melting away. Jade's black hair is tinted with dark purple streaks today, her delicious full lips kissing along my collarbone, burning along my shoulder and then I see - black nothing.

I'm guessing this was somewhat payback for my kidnap stunt.

"Okay we're here. Do not take that blindfold off until I tell you to." She shuts the door and walks over to my side, the sunlight bathing my cheeks when the car door is opened. I move to take the blindfold off but Jade stops me, putting a hand underneath my arm to help me out and my feet awkwardly stumble over crunchy gravel. Cautiously, I put one foot in front of the other, feeling my way around and I could tell Jade was struggling to keep herself from snickering at my clumsy Bambi act.

"You look so graceful, babe." Jade teases and puts her hands on my shoulders, gently pushing me further along. I could faintly hear the sounds of cars running along underneath us, the wind swirling some strands of my hair as we kept walking. I was getting anxious and I knew Jade could sense it, her lips gently brushing against the shell of my ear. "Relax, we're almost there and I want you to get the best view."

"If I take the blindfold off and look at you then I'll have it." I hear her sigh, a hand running along the back of my neck.

"You're lucky I love you, otherwise I'd have pushed you off of this cliff for that." She loops her fingers underneath the silky material and pulls it away. "Tori Vega, welcome to the real Los Angeles."

I blink rapidly to get my eyes adjusted to the light, my mouth falling open in awe.

Sure, I've seen pictures of the city before but it was nothing compared to viewing the real thing. The city sprawled for miles, the rocky landscape sloping and forming each tiny peak and crevice. We were stood at the highest point, higher than the Hollywood sign which I could see a few feet down, the frame work holding each letter upright. I squint to focus on each detail; the scenery so breathtakingly beautiful, the sky a picture perfect blue, the hot shimmering landscape stretching to infinity almost seeming to drop off the end of the world.

If I had been looking, I would have seen Jade focusing solely on me.

"This is probably my favorite place." Jade's voice breaks me out of my trance and I turn to her. She's hugging her arms to her chest, an almost far away look in her eyes, a catalog of memories flashing in those bright blue irises. I step back from the edge and take her into my arms, her body tensing against mine before she relaxes.

"I love it...it's beautiful." I murmur against her lips before we kiss, letting it last for as long as we can as the city moves beneath us.

"No one else knows about it, not even Beck. I call it the Look Out Point." Jade keeps talking once we break apart, her thumb rubbing circles over my palm. I could tell it was taking a lot for her to say all this by the way she shifted reluctantly. "I realize this looks like a scene ripped directly from a romance novel but I had to take you here to show you I was serious about us. That I care about you or whatever and - I'm shutting up now."

"No, no. No shutting up. I want to know, Jade. I want to know everything about you and... this." I gesture to the rolling city. "I love that you showed me. Really. Between this and the flowers. You're really spoiling me."

"Why do you like me?" Her question catches me off guard.

"What - what do you mean?"

"You heard me. Why do you like me? After how much of a bitch I was to you when you first got to Hollywood Arts. You shouldn't want anything to do with me." I sigh and pull us both down so she was resting in my lap, her arms tightening around me. I had half suspected this question would come up, but I wasn't expecting it until later.

"I want you because you're amazing. Okay you can roll your eyes at me but it's true." She lets me run my fingers through her hair. "You're stubborn, headstrong and beautiful. You make me happier than I thought I could ever be and even though you might have been mean to me in the past - I knew there was you, the real you, concealed underneath that armor."

"You didn't say but." I blink, taken back again by her words.

"But?"

"You said I'm stubborn, headstrong and beautiful. Usually it's I'm stubborn, headstrong but beautiful. Like being beautiful makes up for all my negative traits." I hear the bitter edge to her voice, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead.

"You don't have any negative traits. Those traits are what make you Jade. Defiant, gorgeous and a royal pain sometimes." I tease lightly.

"And what makes you think I'm wearing some kind of armor?" I hesitate with my answer, my fingers absentmindedly stroking up and down her arm.

"Because I can recognize defense mechanisms when I see them?" She doesn't interrupt, so I continue. "Everybody has a plate of armor - some are small and others are bigger but we use them to shield ourselves from getting hurt too much. I should know because..." I trail off softly.

"Because...?" Jade prompts.

"Because I convinced myself I was happy at my old school when I wasn't. I forced a happy smile and pretended like everything was okay."

"But it wasn't. Why?"

"I-I made the mistake of coming out to a so-called friend." My eyes start to blur with the tears and I blink them back quickly, surprised by them. "By the next day, everyone at school knew and they tortured me relentlessly for it. I hated Sherwood but I built up a wall - a resistance to the teasing and the name calling and managed to convince myself that I was fine and I could handle it."

"That's why you bolted when those girls started." I can only give a stiff nod, a tear escaping down my cheek.

"It's why I dated Danny, to get the bullying to stop but it didn't work and I wasn't happy faking it. So I broke up with him." I bring up my sleeve to wipe at my eyes, but Jade puts her hand over my wrist, her own hand reaching up to stroke my cheek instead.

"You don't have to use your armor around me, you know that?" I smile and turn my head to press a kiss to her palm.

"I know. You don't either."

"I don't think I get a choice in that matter, Vega. Mine is welded on." Jade starts to withdraw herself but I pull her back into my arms again.

"You do get a choice, Jade. You always get a choice-"

"No, no I don't." She pries herself out of my grip, wrapping her arms around herself again, looking so small and...vulnerable. I stay where I am, both of us silently watching as the world goes by, the clouds sweeping across the sky with the distant sounds of the traffic below. I hear her sigh.

"I've had my armor - my anger defense mechanism since I was seven." She plucks a piece of grass from the ground. "My parents divorced and that's where it all went to shit. Okay, so you can tell me divorce isn't so bad and that other kids have lived through it. I've heard it all before. But you try telling - you try explaining to a seven year old they're the reason why their parents split up." She starts to shake, shredding the blade between her fingers.

This was Jade, the real Jade.

"Throughout my entire life, Tori. My entire life, I went through it with the belief I was going to fuck it up one day. I had boyfriends that couldn't stay with me, wouldn't handle my moods. I'm the reason why Beck ended our two year relationship and I will always be the reason that people in my life who say they love me, eventually turn around when I get too difficult and label me as an effort!" I've taken her back into my arms at this point, my hand stroking the back of her head to soothe her, to calm her down. I feel something wet seep through my shirt and knew she was crying, her fist bunching up in my shirt.

"You're not an effort, Jade. You're not." I tilt her chin up softly, kissing away the tears that rolled down her cheeks. "All those people - if they can't handle the real you then they don't deserve you, okay? I know you use anger and abrasiveness as a defense, it's the same way I use my happiness but - we'll get through it, alright?"

"And God, that night-" She starts to whimper and I squeeze her tighter. She doesn't even hesitate to cling to me.

"Jade you don't have to. Not again-"

"Beck told me I was an effort, that I was too much. I left and went down that alleyway. I wanted someone or something to...hurt me." She takes a shuddering breath. "I wanted to feel something. They - they touched me, Tori. They didn't even think about it."

"I know, beautiful. I know. And I'm never letting anyone hurt you again." The city starts to blur with the tears. "Never again."

"I-I really love you, Tori. I've put my heart out on the front line for you."

"Jade. I promise you-"

"No! Don't make promises. I hate promises." She cuts me off sharply. "I've heard too many of them and they mean nothing to me anymore."

"Well this one is going to mean something." I move so I'm looking at Jade, staring right into those deep ocean eyes and ignoring the rest of the world to focus everything on her. My hand tucks a loose strand of black hair behind her ear, my heart thudding against my ribcage as I take her hand in mine, tears shining in our eyes.

"Tori..."

"I promise you, Jade West that I will always love you."

No fireworks in the background, no uplifting music score.

Just us, my promise, and the city of Los Angeles whose lights seemed to sparkle brighter that day.


	28. First Dates

/JADE/

"Oh my God... I can't pronounce any of these words!" I snicker behind my menu, listening to Tori's cute panicking on the other side of the table.

"Would you like me to ask the waiter for a children's menu instead? I'm sure even you can pronounce chicken dippers." I lower the gold fancy booklet to be greeted with Tori's indignant face, batting my eyelashes at her innocently. "Or perhaps Miss Vega would like a translator?"

"You can't tell me you know exactly how to say these words. I mean, what does 'Foy Grass Gan-ache even mean?" She has to squint to read it and I almost spit out my water. "And it's served with grape rising jelly. Is that like regular grape jelly or some fancy rich person term for something entirely different?"

"Foie Gras Ganache is chicken or duck liver that's stuffed and riesling jelly is regular jelly but it's laced with wine." I move to pick up my menu again, hearing stunned silence from Tori. I set it down to explain. "My step mother has always been obsessed with the "finer" things in life, so she might have drilled all this rich talk into me and Cody from a young age in order to fit into her 'social circle'."

"Oh...well you know, I would have been perfectly happy with a greasy burger and fries..."

"So would I, but this is a real date and I've seen enough movies to know things have to be done properly. So it's tough."

"Do you think a place like this would serve PunchStar?"

I grimace. "After watching you swinging from the ceiling after drinking that. I'm not letting you have PunchStars ever again."

"Are we ready to order, ladies?" A nasally voice suddenly cuts into our closed conversation, his hair slicked back with so much hair gel they could probably use it to fry half of the food. Not that anything was fried in such an upmarket place. He looks between me and Tori, his immaculately plucked eyebrow arching in an air of condescension.

"Yes, I think we are. Tori, would you like to order first?" I flash her my sweetest smile, receiving a promising glare in return.

"Uh sure..." She looks back over the short list. "I will have the pan seared flounder - that is a fish, right?" I have to bite the inside of my cheek hard, a scowl thrown in my direction. Okay, so in retrospect it might have been a little cruel taking Tori to a super upper class dining restaurant without what my step mother referred to as, 'social prepping' beforehand, but what can I say? I just couldn't resist any golden opportunity to see my girlfriend flustered and acting embarrassingly cute. Slick-back turns to me next and I rattle off my order without even glancing at the menu.

Tori and I were a consistently ongoing power struggle and we had surrendered to it, deciding it was impossible to try and explain or work out how it gelled together. I'd given up anyway. Maybe we liked the competition? Maybe we felt like the other was always wanted with the way we would try and one up the other? Like we hadn't given up - wouldn't ever give up and let the other have their own way. She challenged me and I loved the friction. God, I loved the friction. The soppy romantic words weren't necessary and we didn't need constant physical contact of slurping on each other's faces to know what we both knew -we just did that because we wanted to. She had promised she'd love me and I knew I was stupid for believing it but I clung to it.

I'd boldly crossed over into no man's land into enemy territory and I wasn't turning back because...I think I needed Tori.

I'd never needed anyone.

"I can see the city reflected in your eyes...it's beautiful." Tori smiles wistfully, reaching across to stroke my hand, before she pulls it back quickly.

"Yes, thank you for the Hallmark moment, babe. Please, I think more cheese is needed in that sentence."

"Says the woman who decided to take us to a 5 star revolving restaurant overlooking Los Angeles?" Tori shifts in her seat, tugging awkwardly at the collar of her sweater. "You could have told me we were coming here though. I feel so under dressed."

"You feel so undressed?" I pretend to mishear her, smirking at the crimson which rushes to her cheeks.

"Under dressed!"

"Oh! You want to be under me while you're undressed?"

"There are about seven different forks here and I'm not sure which one I can stab you with!" I snicker and tug at my long lace sleeves.

"It doesn't matter what you wear anyway. Clothing is just another mask, another facade people put on to hide behind. Those women in designer ball gowns and men in Emporio Armani tuxedos are really the ones most insecure with themselves."

"So wearing ripped jeans and an old sweater?"

"Means you're a secure rich woman who doesn't need to show off." I smirk and raise my glass, ignoring the filthy looks that get directed to our table.

"Can I ask you something...?" Tori sets down her glass, her finger skimming the rim. She was trying to appear nonchalant but her eyes were serious. "Why has it taken so long for us to do this? It's weird but I feel as if we've been doing this for years, like it's all just coming naturally." I let her continue. "We pretended to hate each other to begin with. But when did - what I'm trying to say is, when did you first start to see me like that...?"

I put my glass down, my tongue running along the top of my teeth in thought.

"It started after Well Wishes, well actually before - kinda. I took an interest in you when you stood up to me. Not many people, if any, have the balls to do that. While I didn't appreciate you kissed my ex-boyfriend, I liked that you challenged me." I click my tongue. "But it was after Well Wishes, after my Dad came down to tell me he thought my play was excellent. You were the only one who bothered to stick around, who cared to help me. Beck just bolted off."

"Well...you did threaten me with a pair of scissors." My eyebrow arches. "But I would have helped you anyway because your play really was fantastic, babe." Tori rescues herself with a sheepish look. I try and keep the scowl on my lips but it slips into a smile.

"You told me you read it. I didn't even give you a copy."

"I uh...I might have pulled Sinjin in for a favor and broke into the screen play writing office so I could." I must look impressed because Tori is grinning back at me, proud she got to demonstrate her small, yet existing rebel side.

"So when did you first start liking me?" I lean back in my chair.

"The first day we met and -I knew you'd roll your eyes!" I catch myself and she carries on. "Honestly, it was the first day that I saw you. I haven't told you this but I watched you and Beck kissing in the hallway before we even got to Sikowitz's class. I wanted to get to know you a little more...so I staged the whole coffee accident with Beck."

My mouth drops open, it was rare when someone actually surprised me, but Tori got me with this one.

"You staged that?"

"I did." She nods. "I walked into him on purpose and spilled coffee down his shirt so I could get your attention. I figured if I introduced myself to Beck then I'd get to know you and we could become friends or something silly like that..." Her words trail off awkwardly, fingers plucking a hair from her sweater. "Then you walked in and I was gone."

"I made you get on all fours and bark like a dog. I dumped iced coffee on you."

"Oh I remember." She grimaces slightly and I chew on my lip. "But it doesn't matter now, Jade. Because all those little moments the iced coffee, stealing my blood - yes I knew that was you, wrecking my Prome, pushing me off of a building-"

"Is this supposed to be making me feel better, Vega?"

"-it's all important and relevant because it led us to this moment." She laces her fingers with mine. "I know no one else will understand it but we had to go through all of it to get to our first date. I'm pretty sure if I hadn't have stood up to you and you hadn't kept pushing me - we wouldn't be here now. So with all due respect, I wouldn't change it for the world."

"I love you." The words slip from my mouth without conscious thought.

I don't find myself taking them back.

"One pan seared flounder and one medium rare filet mignon." The waiter places the food down on the table, the delicious aroma wafting up to surround us. I watch Tori in amusement. She looked relieved that her fish looked relatively normal.

"So what other things did you want to talk about? Since you seem to have an undying thirst for questions." I take my knife into my meat, the bloody juices oozing onto the plate. Perfection. The bloodier the better.

"Anything. Everything with you. But it's not like we don't have forever to talk about it now." Tori grins and slices into a piece of her fish. "I want to know everything about you. Maybe starting with your likes and dislikes? You know, for future references and to keep up the whole 'first date' theme." She winks.

"My dislikes are going to take longer than this dinner."

"Try me."

"Kay... well to start with, I dislike the word 'dislike' because you either hate something or you love it. There is no in between. That being said I hate ducks, wet doorknobs, string cheese, pips in fruit, fake pockets, people who walk slowly, people who chew loudly...people in general." I take a deep breath. "The artificial flavoring of watermelon and cherry, sticky or wet fingers, short ladders, chip bags that have more air in than them chips. Oh and when you can't get comfortable in bed because you're both too hot and too cold. Yeah, I hate that.

I notice Tori hasn't taken her eyes from me.

"People who spit on the floor, absolute burning hatred. Brownies with rainbow sprinkles, any coffee flavored ice cream - I know. Double dippers and people who think it's okay to mix the guacamole into the sour cream. Oatmeal cookies are disgusting. I hate pretentious people, stupid people, most spin off TV shows." I'm suddenly interrupted by a light chuckle from Tori, her fork poised in the air.

"You're amazing." I blink taken back, immediately searching her eyes for any sign of sarcasm, but she's genuine.

"Why?" I test carefully. "Because I openly hate so many things?"

"Well that and because you're never afraid to say what you think." She gives me a soft smile. "I've always admired that about you."

"So everything about me which usually turns people off, is turning you right on?"

"Way on." Tori winks again and keeps eating.

We carry on in silence, the gentle clink of the cutlery mingling with the wine glasses and the soft piano music in the background. I can't help but watch Tori while she eats, being careful to cut up her fish into acceptable bite sized pieces. She's got the tip of her tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth in concentration and I struggle to resist the urge to lunge across the table and kiss her. The mental image of sending the expensive dishes and food to the floor as I take Tori against the wall makes my mouth run dry. I take a gulp of water.

"You're going to groan at me when I say this but the last month..." She looks down, awkwardly fiddling with a corner of the tablecloth. I put my hand over hers, finishing the sentence.

"Has been the best month." Tori nods, carefully pressing a gentle kiss to my wrist.

"It really has. I mean, yes it's been...rocky and unsteady to begin with but we've gotten past that and we know what we want." Her thumb starts rubbing circles on my palm, she must notice me shivering because she smirks. "I'll admit you gave me whiplash more than once though."

I suck on my bottom lip. "That's because I kept denying what I wanted. I didn't know whether to push you away or pull you closer."

"And what do you want now?"

"You." I keep my hold over Tori's hand, willing to make her stay. No longer caring if anyone stared tonight.

"Okay. I have a super awkward question to ask. I don't even want to ask it but...are you a virgin?" I watch Tori fidget uncomfortably. There had to be a reason why she brought that up out of nowhere. My eyebrow arches, studying her carefully.

"Why does that matter?"

"Because I am."

"Repeating my first question." She goes back to pushing her fish around on the plate, reluctant to answer.

"Because I've never - and you probably want to because they all did, and-" I feel my heart sink. My hand tightening the grip on her hand.

"No. Okay? No. I don't give a shit about what your previous boyfriends wanted from you in the past." I use my fingers to tilt her chin up. "I love you and I respect you. We can do that when, and only when, you feel ready for it."

"But that's the thing... I think I am ready for it." I bring her hand up to kiss the back of it, a little smirk tugging my lips.

"Oh no, no. On the contrary Vega. You are so not ready for it."


	29. Begging For It

/TORI/

Fingers tug and pull at my hair, my lips crushed so hard against Jade's, I'm sure we're both in danger of suffocating. I hear the door kicked open, Jade's body pushing mine back into her bedroom. She growls possessively and spins me so my back hits the wall. I groan out loud and rock my hips for more contact. Jade notices with a smirk and willingly obliges, her lips searing a fiery trail across my neck, my collarbone. Our hands roughly yank and tug at any fabric we come into contact with, and within seconds, clothes litter the floor.

I felt drunk. Drunk on Jade in the best possible way. I couldn't remember now how she had paid the bill and got us home, but I knew I wasn't going to forget what happened tonight. By the way her eyes glittered, I knew she wouldn't let me forget. I hear the moan against my neck, teeth barely scraping along my skin. She was desperate to bite. Nails sink into my hips and I'm tugged forward, captured by those lips once more. Jade had all but mastered how to play my body in the sweetest of ways. She knew how to pluck and torture every weak point until my heart was going into overdrive.

"You are so goddamn fucking sexy. Do you know that?" Jade growls against my lips, nipping at them playfully. I tense as her fingers slide around my bra, fiddling with the clasp and I start to retreat. She stops instantly, meeting my eyes with her own. "Are you sure about this?"

"I-I'm sure. I'm just..."

"We don't have to. Like I said, I'm more than happy to take our time." Did I imagine the small flash of nervousness cross her eyes?

"No, no I am ready." I shake my head and reach around, undoing my bra to let it fall to the floor. I wait in tense anticipation, relieved when Jade moans again. She doesn't waste any time in palming my breasts, fingers gently massaging each one in turn. I was fully aware I lacked in the... chest department but it didn't seem to bother Jade. She was still here, still mine. She overlooked everything and still loved me. I'd never experienced that before. I'd always had to change in some way - to suit others. To fit into what they wanted but Jade just wanted me. Maybe that's why she would be the only one to see me naked.

"I swear to God, Vega. You aren't fair." She licks her lips and guides us over to her bed, pushing my shoulders so I fell onto the mattress. Her thighs straddle my torso and I grunt, reaching up to hold her hips in place. Jade quirks an eyebrow but doesn't object, freeing her breasts, smirking when I all but open and close my mouth uselessly at the sight. She shakes her head and takes my hands, sliding them up so they cupped her cleavage. I whimper in pleasure.

They felt more amazing than I could ever have imagined.

"You're so gorgeous, Jade..." I breathe out in awe, marveling at how stunningly beautiful she was. Because she really was. Her body pressed on top of mine, black hair slightly mussed up from when we had been going at it earlier, that genuine smile only I got to witness. I see the color rise on her pale cheeks and she leans down to kiss me again. Most likely a distraction, which I willingly accept.

"Do you trust me, Tori?" I nod without question, her fingers skimming further down until they rested above my underwear. My breath gets trapped in my throat and I swallow the lump, watching as Jade slides down to the foot of the bed. She keeps her eyes on me while she removes my panties, my stomach tightening in little knots. She starts kissing along the inside of my thighs and I find myself spreading my legs a little wider, sinking into the sweet sensations only Jade could pull from me.

Oh God.

The cry that comes from my lips is unexpected, my fingers balling up the covers into a fist. Her tongue felt hot against my clit and everything seemed to fall away in that moment. Of course, I wasn't a complete novice when it came to - doing stuff. I'd played with myself with a little massage toy and driven myself to orgasms before. But this felt completely different. I had absolutely no control over what Jade did. She rolls her tongue over my pussy in waves, flicking it back and forth, testing the waters to see what I enjoyed most. I knew she was still studying me closely, making sure I wasn't going to freak out.

She draws back for air, her lips curled into a satisfied smirk. "Is someone enjoying themselves up there?"

I can only nod again, my hips arching upwards.

"More..." She purses her lips and lowers herself back down, nibbling at the sensitive part of my thigh.

"Since this is your first, I won't make you beg for it...this time." Her words send shivers through me and I lean my head back, gasping towards the ceiling while Jade continued to torture me with her tongue. She starts lapping faster, pushing the little muscle past my slick folds until I feel a white hot fire start to coil in my stomach. My hands shake and yank at the sheets, my body trembling uncontrollably.

"J-Jade. Jade - oh my God!" I pant heavily, her nails digging into my thighs to keep them held in place. Her tongue only pushes harder, the tip of her finger moving to rub my sensitive clit. I squeeze my eyes shut, surrendering to Jade and let her tongue take over. No longer in control of myself. I was weak, helpless at Jade's mercy and she knew it.

"Baby? I'm going to add a finger." I hear her murmur against my slit. She waits until I give her permission, slowly pushing her index finger in. Another cry spills from my lips and my knuckles whiten with how hard I was gripping the bed covers. This was fucking...incredible. Dreams couldn't even compare to this level of ecstasy. Sweat breaks out over my forehead and I feel my back soak into the sheets but Jade refuses to stop, her tongue and fingers working together to drive me over the edge.

"F-fuck! Fuck! Oh God! Jade! Y-yes!" I shriek and let myself go, the climax shooting me up into impossible, indescribable heights of pleasure. My mouth opens and closes in silence, my entire body going rigid. Jade slowly eases her movements to coax me down, lovingly pressing tender kisses along my pelvic bone.

"Fuck, Tori." She exhales, collapsing beside me on the bed. "It's a good thing no one's home."

I shove her weakly, still clinging to that lasting high. Jade chuckles to herself, wrapping her arms around me.

"I'd ask if you enjoyed yourself but I think you made it pretty obvious." She kisses the back of my neck. "You look so good, writhing on the bed like that. Fuck."

"I c-can't...I can't even describe what that felt like."

"Good. Means I was doing it right." Her playful tone suddenly turns serious. "Did I hurt you at all? Was it too fast?"

I wind my hand around her neck to pull her in for a kiss.

"It was perfect. I mean that...it was - God." I can hardly get my words out and Jade grins against my lips in triumph.

"You're doing wonders for my ego here, babe." I growl and press us harder together. I could taste myself on her tongue.

"You're incredible and I love you."

"Only because you just had the first, best orgasm of your life." Jade slides her hand down to rub my stomach. "You really are gorgeous, Tori. And those sounds you were making. God, I didn't actually peg you for a shrieker." I can feel the warmth on my cheeks, Jade's fingers tickling underneath my chin. "Don't worry. I loved it."

I let out a sigh of relief, my own fingers walking down to Jade's lacy black underwear. I tug at the hem teasingly.

"I don't think it's very fair that I'm fully naked and you're not..." I see the piercing lift up in a raised eyebrow.

"Oh? And are you gonna do something about it?" I curl my lips into a smirk and dip my hand lower, rubbing over her panties.

She was already wet.

"I just might. As I seem to recall, you like me on top."

"When did I ever say that I liked -mmph!" I cut her off swiftly, rolling so we switched positions. My lips take hers prisoner. I start to make my own line of heated kisses down her pale flesh, nibbling at her collarbone and earning a sweet little moan for my efforts. I don't give her enough time to fight back, my fingers pressing a little harder against her panties and Jade snarls, reaching down to strip them off.

"Enough teasing. Fuck me." She takes my hand and moves it up against her slit, my fingers slipping with how soaked she was. I press my lips down on hers again, wanting to hear every sound enter my mouth. My fingers find her clit and I start massaging it in rough circles, a shiver rolling down my spine as Jade starts to gasp. I didn't really know what I was doing but it didn't seem to matter, her hips grinding upwards in encouragement.

"Lower...there. Y-yes. There! Fuck!" I move where she directs me, making sure I remembered that exact sweet spot. I was determined to memorize every dip and every curve of Jade's stunning figure, inside and out. Her nails dig into the small of my back. I growl softly, deepening the kiss as my thumb continues to torment her clit, my index finger slowly pushing inside Jade's snatch.

"I have to disagree with your earlier statement. Jade." My finger curls upwards, stroking along her velvet walls. "You definitely look better when you writhe." I see her eyes narrow, her mouth opening with a smart retort. But I push my thumb down harder on her aching bundle, turning her words into a whimper.

It was amazing, to be able to reduce the infamous Jade West to a trembling mess. It was hot, sexy - God, was it sexy and most importantly, it was our private intimate moment. Only I could witness the way her back arched in pleasure, or the way her lips were parted in a desperate gasp. She was all mine.

"F-fuck Tori! I'm gonna...I'm gonna-" I crush my lips down on hers again, sucking the oxygen from her lungs.

"Give in to me, baby. Show me how much you love it." I start working my fingers faster until they ached, determined to see Jade unravel underneath me. Her hips were thrusting on the mattress and I pin them down, scratching ever so slightly on her clit.

"I...I-" Jade continues to pant, her nails practically making indents in my skin. I don't stop. Her mouth opens in a silent cry, frozen along with the rest of her body while she orgasms. I moan to myself, her walls tightening painfully hard on my finger. I could feel it, I could watch it; everything I was doing to her.

I wouldn't ever forget it.

My other hand gently strokes her hair, waiting for Jade to calm down from her high. Her breathing gradually returns to normal, her body falling beside mine with a shuddering groan. I feel her wrap her arms around me without hesitating, lips pressed against my neck. I could have happily stayed this way forever.

"God, Vega...what are you doing to me?" Jade breaks the silence after a few minutes. I turn so I'm looking at her, my thumb running along her cheek.

"What do you mean?"

"You're taking over." She cups my hand with her own. "You're taking over me and I shouldn't be enjoying it. I should be resisting and pushing you away, like everyone else."

I shake my head, leaning down to kiss her. To claim her back.

"No more pushing me away, baby. I'm here to stay and I'm not going anywhere." I tug the covers over us. "You've taken over me entirely and I'm not fighting it. I love you, I want you. Do you know why?"

"Why do I have a feeling this is going to involve some awful romantic line..."

I ignore her comment. "Because when I'm with you, I feel happy. Really, genuinely happy." I guide her hand over my heart. She rolls her eyes but I knew she was secretly enjoying this moment. She needed to hear how much she meant to me. "I've never felt like this for anyone. I'm being totally honest. I have fallen in love with you, Jade West. You're beautiful, talented, creative with an attitude and a wickedly sharp humor." She's blushing while I stroked her cheek.

"That was more than one terrible line..." Her words are joking, her eyes are serious. I simply shrug my shoulders. I had meant every word.

"Well...uh, I suck at these types of things." Jade winds an arm around me. "I love you, Tori Vega. You're gorgeous, talented...resourceful, with a stupid, yet adorably dorky attitude and a truly awful optimistic side."

"Thanks, baby! See? Was that so hard?"

"Don't expect to hear anything like that from me again."

"You're totally lying."

"I am." She sighs in defeat and I grin, wrapping my arms around her to hold her close, breathing in the familiar scent of coffee beans.

Familiar, comfortable. That was all I wanted and we had finally gotten to that point. No walls, no barriers - just us. Raw, exciting, and sometimes clumsy heated passion for one another. Long conversations until the sun went down and highly elaborate ideas strung between us in the middle of the night. She was my everything. Yes, I knew it was way too cliche to say out loud, but deep down, we both understood it.

I wait to hear the steady sounds of Jade breathing in a peaceful sleep, my fingers skimming over her pale, naked body before whispering it to myself.

"Yeah, Jade. You're my world."


	30. No More Hiding

/JADE/

"Are...are you sure about this?" Tori doesn't even give me enough time to answer, her lips crushing mine again. My hands snag a fistful of brown hair while I shove her up against the wall of the Black Box Theater. She moans and let's her head fall back, dying to have me invade her neck with kisses, my teeth just barely scraping against her skin. I knew she was trying to distract me. I knew it the moment I had suggested we finally spill to our friends. "We...we could always wait a few more weeks? I don't think it's really that obvious." I step back, surveying her with pure skepticism.

"Babe. There are already rumors flying around school about us. Yeah, we were careful to begin with but we've been slipping." I run my hands down to her waist, pulling her right up against me. "We've almost been caught...several times. We're always together, you're always in my car, we're always talking in the hallway. I've seen people looking and I know they've been whispering about us. It's glaringly obvious what's happening, Vega and the longer we wait, the worse it'll get." I watch her shuffle awkwardly.

"I guess I've been too caught up in you to notice?" Tori murmurs against my neck, biting down gently on a sweet spot she had discovered last night.

My mouth parts in a moan. "...Quit trying to distract me."

"Why? Is it working?" She starts sliding lower, digging her nails underneath my ribs.

"No...no comment." She doesn't answer, but I could see the triumphant smirk on her lips, getting me right where she wanted me.

Fucking Vega.

She didn't just have a hold on me anymore. She had a vice like grip, so tight that it was painfully suffocating, but I didn't care. I loved it. In the small amount of time, Tori had made it clear she understood me. She got me in ways no one else ever had. She seemed to know what I needed without asking and handled my moods with kisses and reassurances instead of biting words and put downs. It wasn't like the love - or lust I had with Beck. I didn't feel the need to exhaust myself by being possessive or forced to constantly fight to keep Tori to myself. She didn't tease me with breaking up, she never mentioned other girls just to rile me.

Because she wanted me just as much.

"Okay...we can tell them." Tori draws back with a defeated sigh. She's biting her lip and I gently press my thumb down on her chin to get her to stop.

"Good. Because they should be here in about five minutes. I told them to meet us here." I peck her lips quickly to cut off the protests.

"No Rob. I don't care what Rex says. We are not taking ballet again just because you heard a rumor there might be more girls this time." Andre and Robbie walk in and I notice Tori shift a little further away from me. My arm wraps around her waist to pull her back. She was staying right there.

"But there's definitely going to be more girls in this semester. I heard it from a legitimate source!" Robbie argues back, taking a seat in the front.

"Is this the same legitimate source you used to diagnose that problem?" Cat skips in, followed closely by Beck. Now it was my turn to be tense.

"No, no that was my internet Doctor."

"I don't really think taking advice from an internet Doctor is such a good idea." Beck shrugs off his jacket and I feel Tori squeeze my side in reassurance.

"My brother was an internet Doctor once. He went under the name Doctor Do Hurt and he set up a website and everything." Cat gives us a little wink, getting comfortable in her seat. "He offered up special medical services for injured and sick people."

"Is your brother even qualified to give medical services?" Rex has to ask and Cat giggles with a shake of her head. I have to fight to keep Tori still.

"Alright you guys, settle down." Andre waves his hands for quiet. "Jade invited us all here for a reason, so let's listen." He directs everyone's attention to us, his smile warm. "Go ahead. Why'd did you call us all here?" I can suddenly feel every set of eyes boring into me. Obviously I was used to being studied, being watched during a performance. But this wasn't a play, this was real life and there was no hiding behind a character this time. I open and close my mouth to start, the words suddenly refusing to come out.

Tori takes a step forward, pulling me with her.

"Jade and I..." She swallows but keeps forcing the words out. I could tell she was having difficulty by the way her body was almost rigid against mine. As if it was already preparing a shield for the onslaught of insults and attacks. Everyone is leaning forward in attention and I thought I caught a hint of a snarl on Beck's lips. "Jade and I - well, it's been about two months and they've been a really good two months. I uh, I want you all to know something about us and..." She starts twisting her fingers together nervously.

"Tori and I are dating. We've been secretly dating for two months." I fall into step beside her, taking her hand to lock it with mine securely. "So if any of you have a problem with that, I'll be more than happy to take your complaints and concerns." Tori gives me a smile, turning so she could kiss my cheek, the silence settling around the theater. I narrow my eyes into chips of ice, daring anyone to contradict. But inside I was honestly worried.

Up until now I wasn't actually sure how our friends were going to react. I didn't think I would care, and a part of me still didn't, but I wanted acceptance. I wanted everyone to know Vega and I were officially together. We couldn't hide it any longer. I didn't want to hide it.

Cat is the first one to break the tense silence.

"Oh my God! That's amazing news! Congratulations!" She squeals and rushes up on the stage, enveloping us in a hug. I hear Tori let out a sigh of relief, laughing as she squeezes Cat back.

"Is that it? That's what you called us in here for? We already knew!" Andre shakes his head, but he's grinning.

"Man, you girls owe me a breakfast burrito for wasting my time. Like we didn't know you two were dating." Rex pipes up from the front and Robbie agrees.

"Pretty much the whole school knows it by now. They've actually been waiting for you to admit it." He shrugs and gives me a smile.

"Alright man, you win." Beck sighs and hands over a roll of dollar bills to Andre. "$50. I didn't believe you."

"I told you dude. I said they were secretly hooking up." Andre stands up, pulling his backpack over one shoulder. "I'm just glad they told us so now we can all stop pretending like we don't notice."

"Yeah, that was hard! Tori kept telling me she was staying after school for 'extra credit'." Cat air quotes. I roll my eyes at Tori, pulling her close to me. She was smiling so hard I thought a vein would burst. All of our built up anxiety and worry had vanished in a matter of seconds.

"Do you guys remember last week? I said I caught Tori coming out of the janitors closet. What was your excuse again?" Andre teases. "Oh yeah, she said she liked the smell of the cleaning products." I snicker and earn a small scratch on my side.

"Or when I bought in those oatmeal cookies to share at lunch! Tori said Jade didn't like oatmeal cookies! She would only know that kind of stuff if she was dating her!" Cat giggles and Tori starts to blush.

I was enjoying these.

"When Tori opened her locker to get her books for class, I noticed she had Jade's leather jacket." Robbie adds to the conversation and I throw Vega a look.

"So that's where it went."

"I was gonna give it back!"

"Chicas, the point is. Well, we don't care that you two are dating." Andre gives a shrug. "It's not like we didn't know and you know we'd still accept you. Though I guess I'd better watch my hugs around Tori then, huh? Can't wazz off the new girlfriend." He chuckles, giving me a wink before walking out of the theater.

Cat gives us one last hug. "I think it's so cute!" She catches my glare. "I think it's really cool that you two are together officially. I have to get to class but I'll make us all red velvet cupcakes to celebrate!"

"Hey Cat! Will you make me some?" Robbie rushes after the red head and I hear Rex from the hallway.

"Dude! I was just about to ask if I could watch them going at it!"

Beck is the last to leave, his tight smile directed at me.

"Yeah, congratulations." His hands are stuffed in his pockets and I give him a nod. I might have imagined it, but Tori tightens her grip on me.

"Thanks." It's all I could say to him, unspoken words hanging in the air between us.

"I'm going to say sorry now, for when she eventually ends up hurting you." Beck turns his attention to Tori. I'm surprised his voice isn't filled with malice or jealousy, but resignation. I only stop my retort because Tori squeezes my hand.

"I don't need your apology, Beck. But I am sorry that you couldn't see what an incredible woman Jade is." She holds her ground with determination. I subconsciously take a step in front of Tori, but Beck doesn't say anything else. I keep my head held high, regaining back my dignity from the night he had decided to give up.

I wasn't running back to him now.

Tori takes my hand firmly and Beck looks between us, pushing a hand through his hair. I knew by the way his jaw was set that he wanted to say something else, but he lets it drop, slamming the door behind him when he exits.

Tori's shoulders instantly relax and she pulls me in for a kiss.

"Don't listen to him. I mean it, Jade. Don't pull back on me. Don't shut me out." She could sense I was starting to ice over, my walls slowly rising up but her kisses acted like a battering ram, knocking them down again. She takes my wrists and pulls me flush against her body, rubbing soothing circles on my palms. "Stay with me. We did it."

"I'm not backing out and I'm not listening to him." I wind my arms around her neck, surprised to find I was being honest with myself. I wasn't going to listen to him. I was done with Beck, just as he had been done with me. Tori gave me happiness, she gave me security and there was no way in Hell I was giving her up. He no longer had any influence over what I did. "We did it...we fucking did it." She mirrors my grin, our foreheads touching together, her heated breath on my cheek. Tori laughs and leans in to kiss me again, her happiness evident with her eagerness. This kiss felt...lighter, unrestrained because we didn't have to conceal it anymore. Everyone knew, so there was no tense edge or fear that someone would walk in at any given moment...

"Oh hello girls! I didn't expect to find you in here." Tori quickly jumps away from me and tries to act normal, smoothing down her shirt. Sikowitz is giving us a stupid grin, switching his smile from me and then Tori. He casually swirls a coconut around in his palm, taking a sip from the straw. "How is the blog work going?"

"Oh the blog? It's...it's great! Yeah, we have a ton of followers and we get questions all the time. It's really fun." I have to fight not to groan out loud at Tori's forced enthusiasm.

"Excellent! I'm glad to hear it. You two certainly seem to be getting along better." He keeps slurping at his straw.

"Yeah we are. Well...uh, I better get to class. Thanks for showing me the stage directions Jade, later!" Tori hops down from the stage to make her quick escape, leaving me alone with our barefooted teacher.

Gee, thanks babe.

I retrieve my Gears bag from the floor, pulling the strap over my shoulder.

"Haven't you had that bag since Freshman year?" Sikowitz questions as I stomp down the steps.

"I don't know. Haven't you had those pants since 1988?" He gives me an amused smile, swirling his coconut again. "Oh before you leave, Jade. I have a question to ask you. I was hoping you'd be able to help with my... dilemma."

My eyebrow arches suspiciously. "Details...?"

"Well you see. I made a bet with Lane about whether you two were officially a couple. He just lost the bet, so now I'm wondering. Do I want a gift card to BF Wang's or Olive Bargain?"


	31. Questionable Teaching Methods

/TORI/

"Don't grip it so tight, babe. You look like you're trying to strangle it." I feel Jade's fingers gently loosen mine from around the steering wheel. We weren't even out of her driveway and I was already so nervous that my hands were shaking. She puts her hand over mine to still the tremors, pressing tender kisses along my collarbone to soothe me.

"Maybe...maybe this wasn't such a good idea." I start to unbuckle my seat belt, but Jade clicks it firmly back into place.

"No. You said you wanted to learn how to drive, so I'm going to teach you." She adjusts the mirrors. "Besides, you're going to have to learn at some point and wouldn't you rather it be with me than some stuffy, know it all instructor?" I bite my lip. Personally, I would have taken the instructor, only because I knew this was going to end in disaster, most likely with Jade's car totaled and one or both of us in the emergency room.

"Can you just go over everything you said about 10 minutes ago?" Jade raises an eyebrow at me. She could tell I was trying to stall.

There was really no point in trying to hide myself from Jade anymore, just as she knew it was pretty much useless to hide from me. It was as if I'd cracked part of her secret code and now I could read Jade almost fluently. It worked both ways. It was our system, a complex and non verbal language we'd slowly taught to one another. Obviously we hadn't mastered everything...but even Jade had admitted a few nights ago, breathless and under the sheets, it was more than anyone else had accomplished before. She wasn't used to anyone caring as much - and neither was I.

I knew I had to take back what I said earlier, about Jade West being like a poison. She was definitely more of a drug. An addictive drug that I wouldn't ever get enough of. Couldn't ever get enough of. She reminded me of those anti-drug commercials but instead of needles and smoke, she drew me in with smiles and laughter. Comfort and security I had never felt before. Her love was my drug and I would happily overdose again and again...

"Vega. Are you even listening?" I blink back into focus, Jade's amusement written across her face. "Or were you too busy day dreaming about me again?"

"I wasn't day dreaming about you!" I protest but the burning on my cheeks gives it away. "Can you just...explain the gear stick thingy?"

"The gear stick thingy is called an automatic gear shift, and you're lucky you're learning in an automatic, otherwise we'd both be dead by now." She taps each part in turn. "So the P is for park, R reverse, N is neutral and D is drive. I don't find the other gears necessary."

My nose crinkles. "Okay, now can you say it in English?"

"Put key in car to make it go vroom, vroom." I swat at her arm.

"You know what I mean! You need to slow down so I can...absorb all the information!"

I watch her slight smirk, turning the key in the ignition and the car hums to life underneath us.

"I could, except I prefer what I like to call: hands on learning." I barely have time to register what she means, before her hand cranks the gear shift into reverse and we start rolling backwards down her driveway. I yelp and slam my hands back on the steering wheel.

"Jade!"

"Calm down and press your foot on the left pedal."

"I don't know which one is left!"

"Yes you do. Find it with your foot and gently press down on it." I start hurriedly tapping along the floor and find the pedal, slamming my foot on it so hard that the car screeches to a stop. Jade cries out as she's flung forward, both of us slamming against our seat belts.

"You deserved that." I watch her rub her neck with a grimace.

"I taught you how to stop the car, didn't I?"

"I have to seriously question your teaching methods." I lean back in my seat, pretty certain my heart was going to break free from my ribcage at the rate it was pounding. "What if there had been someone behind? I would have gone straight into them!"

"Relax. I checked beforehand and no one drives down here anyway." She clicks the gear shift into drive. "Now take your foot off of the brake pedal and gently step on the gas."

"No...I'm scared."

"You're not leaving this car until you do it." I grit my teeth. In my mind I had no doubt Jade was bluffing but I do as instructed, slowly easing my foot on the other pedal, watching in amazement as the trees start to roll past the window.

"Oh my God...oh my God! Jade! The car is moving!" I cry out and she's quick to run a soothing hand along my thigh.

"That's because you're driving. You're doing it, baby." She suddenly lunges for the wheel to straighten it out. "But it's best if you keep your eyes off of me and focus on the road."

"This is...this is incredible. I'm doing it! I'm actually driving!" I can't stop the stupid grin. I wanted to yell and punch the air in triumph, but given that I was currently behind the wheel of Jade's car, I decided it probably wasn't the smartest idea.

I'd save it for later.

"We're coming up to a stop sign. I assume you know what that word means."

"Not even your sarcasm can ruin this moment." This time, I carefully ease my foot down on the brake until we slow down to a smooth stop.

"Not bad, Vega. I mean, we're about ten feet away from the sign but you did stop without dislocating anything."

"Well the last time I went too far past the stop sign, I hit an old lady with a wheelchair..."

"Oh my God. That's hilarious." I turn to look at her.

"It wasn't funny! It's lucky she wasn't seriously injured because I was driving so slow, but my instructor started yelling at me in Spanish!"

"10 points? 20 if the wheelchair was still intact?" She earns another swat for that and laughs. "Alright, alright. Pull over to the side here."

I want to keep watching her. I always loved it whenever I could make Jade laugh. Neither of us had actually said anything about it, but I found myself drawing more laughs out of her than I used to, and I could tell when she'd gradually lowered her guard. I absolutely loved seeing that rare side to her. Only, it wasn't rare anymore...least not to me.

"You did relatively well for your first time." Her hand slips into mine once we park. I don't even realize I'm still shaking, until she squeezes my palm.

"Thanks...even though it wasn't technically my first time." I let my body relax. "I've been through two driving instructors."

Her eyebrow arches. "Two?"

"Yeah..." I scuff my feet awkwardly. "The first one was with the lady in the wheelchair and then the second one bailed because I hit a tree."

I could see her struggling not to laugh.

"Now I can see why you were nervous."

"Yep. My parents have tried to teach me on several occasions...but it always ended up in an argument. They suggested learning with Trina but there's no way I'm taking her driving tips. Did you know she shaves in the car?"

Jade's nose wrinkles with disgust.

"Thank you for that wonderful mental image. Just what I needed after lunch."

"So, um... who taught you how to drive?"

"I had to learn myself. I booked my own instructor, my own lessons, everything. " She pulls her hand away. "My dad didn't want to know and my mom was hopeless. So nothing's really changed there." She forces a hard laugh and I take her hand back.

"You had to learn how to drive by yourself? Your parents wouldn't help you at all?"

"Put it this way Tori, when I was six, my mom thought it would be a swell idea to leave me alone with a box of power tools to play with. You think I was going to trust her teaching me behind the wheel of a car?"

"Well...what about your dad?"

"He was - has always been too busy with work to focus on his daughter. But it's whatever. I didn't need him." She tries to shrug it off, but I caught the flicker of pain behind her eyes: memories of missed recitals and rescheduled plans.

We lapse into a long silence. I keep my hand held in hers, almost feeling each and every emotion pour into me. It was awful. I could easily imagine a neglected Jade. The small, curious little Jade who only wanted a tiny piece of her parents attention, but was ultimately told to go away or brushed off like she didn't matter.

But now I was here, I was going to give her all the attention in the world.

"We should tell them. Our parents, I mean." I watch as Jade's eyes harden and my mouth snaps shut quickly.

I wasn't even aware I had said that out loud.

"I can give you about one hundred different reasons as to why we shouldn't."

"But I want them to know..."

"It's none of their business!" I can see her starting to shut down.

"I know it's not and I know you don't want to. I don't really want to either but we should. Don't you feel like we're sneaking around?" She doesn't answer so I keep talking, my mouth running on nerves. "I want to tell my parents that I'm gay, that I love you. All of our friends know and they accepted it-"

"Our friends are vastly different from our parents, Tori. You don't get it."

I take a deep breath. "Our parents are going to love us...unconditionally. Because they're our parents."

"Did you read that in the fine print of the contract?" She snaps.

"Love isn't some contract, Jade. I feel like it's time to tell them."

"I feel like you're being stupid." I lean over, my lips barely brushing against hers to calm her down.

"If we tell them, then it's all over and done with. Think of it like a band aid. We tear it off in one swift motion, it stings for a little bit but then everything dies down. There's no more lying and no more having to hide who we are and our relationship. Don't you want that?"

I can see her hesitating, my hand gently cupping her cheek.

"I'm done hiding, baby. I'm ready to tell them and I know you are too, you just won't admit it..."

She sighs with defeat.

"Okay you're right." I feel her lips kiss my wrist. "I'd be lying if I said I haven't been thinking about it."

"So let's tell them about us, first thing tomorrow." I'm amazed my voice is so steady and even, as if we were discussing a lunch menu and not our future together.

I watch Jade attempt to keep stalling, before she finally throws her hands up.

"Alright, fine. We'll tell them tomorrow."

"Tomorrow."

"Yeah...tomorrow."

I grin and stretch my arms out wide in a theatrical pose, embracing an imaginary audience.

"Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow-" I look beside me in shock, watching Jade take over with a smile.

"You're only a day awayyyy!" We both finish with Broadway gusto, collapsing into each other with my favorite easy laughter.

Jade clears her throat, straightening back up in her seat.

"If you tell anyone I just did that, you won't live to see tomorrow."


	32. The Selfish Route

/JADE/

My eyes blink tiredly, the contents of my locker swimming with unfocused vision. We had finished up Tori's driving session last night with a few laps around my neighborhood. Nothing too challenging - except when she forgot to signal and almost sent us plowing into delivery truck. I could tell Vega was way too distracted after our heart to heart conversation to concentrate on driving and she must have seen me fidgeting, just as on edge as she was. We had said a hasty goodnight. I didn't even bother with my late night coffee, just going straight to my bed to lay in the dark. I knew as soon as I laid down I would be too wired to even close my eyes, my brain going over all the different ways I could possibly come out to my parents, the absolute nightmare responses I would get.

So no, I hadn't slept at all.

"There you are!" I close my locker to see Tori's beaming smile, a cup of coffee held out for me to take. "I was getting worried. I texted you about four times and you didn't reply." I wind my arm around her waist to pull her in for a lazy kiss.

"Yeah, I probably left my phone somewhere. I'll find it later." I stifle a yawn before taking a long gulp of coffee.

"You didn't sleep last night either?" She leans in close to whisper, idly playing with a strand of my colored hair.

"Do I look like a slept?" I wrap my fingers around the cup to warm them. "I feel like death."

"You still look beautiful."

"It's too early for your lies." I mutter but allow a smile to touch my lips.

"So...you must have been up all night worried about what you were gonna say today." I feel a hand brush over my cheek.

"If by 'worried' you mean I was pacing so much last night that I dug a trench into my bedroom floor, then yes. You could say I was somewhat concerned."

It wasn't even an exaggeration.

"Well I uh, I managed to come out to my parents first thing this morning..." Tori shuffles from foot to foot. "I wanted to get it over and done with."

I lower my coffee cup, impressed she'd laid out all the cards on the table already. "Wow. And what happened?"

"Well they already had their suspicions about me being gay - so it didn't really come as much of a shock." She chuckles softly. "Trina actually asked if the phone was ringing from upstairs and when my dad asked why would it be ringing, she said because she called it. Treen's always known...something."

My fingers grip the cup a little tighter.

"So they were okay with you being gay? It didn't bother them?"

"Not really. My parents just want me to be happy. I told them being with you made me happy."

I sigh. "That still doesn't make me feel any better about telling my parents."

"Well maybe this will." Tori sets my cup of coffee aside, wrapping both of her arms around my waist to pull me up against her. Since we had officially come out to everyone at school, it was no longer a strange sight to see us making out. Of course, some people still thought they could ogle, but I soon sent them running with one of my threatening glares. It was actually a relief not having to hide anymore, though I was fairly certain some students, and teachers included, preferred it more when we were fighting. We had been less wrapped up in each other then.

Oh well, they can't have it both ways.

"Jade West?" We pull apart at the sound of my name, facing Helen's jittery blonde assistant. "You're wanted in the Principal's Office."

Tori's eyebrow is arched but I shrug it off.

"Kay. I'll be there in a second."

"No. You need to come right away. It's urgent." I groan and lean in to peck Tori's cheek.

"This won't take long." I assure my worried looking girlfriend, before turning around to follow the blonde.

I make an effort to appear more awake than I actually am, wondering what could possibly be so urgent they'd need to see me first thing in the morning. I thought I had been flying low under the Helen radar recently. Okay, save for that one kid who I had to threaten with a rock because he wouldn't stop wolf whistling at me and Tori. But it can't be about that. Getting called to the Principals office was serious.

"Jade! Jade!" I almost collide with Cat, her eyes looking wild and terrified. "Jade! I did a really bad thing! Where's Tori? I texted her about 10 times!"

"Hey, hey slow down. Cat, what's going on?" I hold her at arms length.

"Well I sent a text message to you this morning but it wasn't you. I mean, it was for you but it wasn't you who answered and I got all freaked out because it was supposed to be you and I asked them things about you and Tori and they replied but it still wasn't you because you're here and not there!" She rushes out and I blink.

I had only paid attention to the first sentence.

"Wait. Wait. What? You sent a text message to my phone. I don't even have my phone on me!" My throat starts to close up. "Who the hell answered?"

"Your father." His familiar cold voice makes my blood ice over in my veins.

Oh fuck.

...

"You had absolutely no right to go through my personal possessions in the first place!" I yell at him from across our dining room table, my eyes blazing with fury. I can see his jaw clenched, a split second before a fist pounded on the polished wood.

"Well I'm glad I did. What the hell have you and this - this female been up to?"

"That female is Tori Vega and she's my girlfriend. Alright!?" I watch him flinch as if I'd burned him.

We'd been forced to take our argument out of the school, once his voice started raising mine soon followed and pretty soon it was a screaming match between the both of us in the cramped Principals Office. I was sure the entire school could hear everything that was being said. I didn't give a shit. Let them hear it.

"Please Mr West. I love Jade and you have to no idea how happy she makes me." Tori had burst in at the commotion and rushed to my side, completely ignoring Helen's orders to leave.

My dad had cocked his eyebrow, a familiar look of disdain curling his lip as he looked her over.

"Oh, I am already well aware of how happy my daughter makes you."

"Then you know that we can't be split up." Tori had clung to my side but my dad had clapped a hand on my shoulder, a vice like possessive grip to steer me out of the Office. I had barely enough time to turn around, mouthing to her that everything will be okay.

Now I wasn't so sure.

"I knew it was a mistake to let you go to that school." He paces up and down, as if deciding what had to be done about my shocking behavior. I glance over to my step mother for assistance, but she sits impassively in the chair, her lips pursed together and as per usual, offering no support whatsoever.

"That's it. I don't want you seeing her anymore." He levels his glare at me and I return it with interest.

"You can't stop me."

"For God's sake!" He bursts. "What the hell happened with you? A few months ago you were with Beck and now you're -" He makes a face of disgust unable to finish the sentence. I just stare back at him coldly. I wasn't a stranger to these "family meetings" The high backed, dining room chair was an object of interrogation and me and Cody both knew it. But this time, I wasn't letting them get to me. I wouldn't be controlled.

I decide to finish for him.

"Now I'm with someone who actually makes me happy. Why the fuck does it matter if it's a girl!?"

"Watch your language, Jadelyn!"

"Whatever! The point is, you can't stop me from seeing Tori!" I curl my fists. "I love her and I want to be with her. Why can't you just support me for once. Just once! Would it be so hard for you to accept me for who I am?"

"Oh don't use those wasted acting talents on me." He grits his teeth. "This isn't some scene from a goddamn movie. It's real life and I'm not standing for it."

"Fuck this." I add the cuss purposefully, watching my dad's vein throb on his forehead. "I'm not wasting anymore time arguing with you!"

I get up out of the chair and stride to the door, my pride and resilience crumbling with his next words.

"If you leave this room, I will ruin her life."

My hand freezes on the doorknob and I could see him smirking in triumph without even turning around.

"You wouldn't dare..." I hiss.

"Tell me, Jade. What does Tori want to do once she's graduated Hollywood Arts? She wants to be a successful singer, doesn't she? She wants to be famous."

I can feel the crushing sensation as his words squeeze me like a snake.

"You seem to keep forgetting how much influence your step mother and I have in Los Angeles. We could easily destroy Tori's dreams overnight. All it takes is a few visits, a few phone calls and her name will be blackballed so far across the state that she'd be lucky to get a gig in a rundown motel. No one would even bother to look at her resume."

My hand pulls away from the door and I hunch over, balling my fists to hold back the frustrated tears. My father, my father the fucking manipulative asshole who always had an ace up his sleeve. But then I guess he wouldn't be where he is now, without stomping on anyone or anything that got in his way.

"So if you want to leave and run back to her, by all means. Love can be replaced, but dignity? Reputation? That can be ruined for a lifetime." He spreads his hands out, as if offering me a choice. "But go ahead and take the selfish route, it's what you always do."

I could picture it and I didn't want to. The heartbroken and confused Tori, getting rejected and turned away from every movie, every TV show and every opportunity. It wouldn't just crush her, it would break her and I couldn't do that. No matter how much I loved her and needed her in my life.

I wouldn't ruin her chances of living her dream just so I could have mine.

"I'm only doing what's best for you, Jade." His voice has softened now but I'm no longer listening. "Don't destroy Tori's chance."

I can feel the invisible strings tighten painfully around my limbs. My father held the cross bar and had me walking back to the chair, dancing like a puppet.

My back sinks into the leather upholstery and I fix him with a cold, hard stare. There might as well have been chains attached to the arm rests.

"That's what I thought. Now go upstairs and pack. We're leaving."


	33. Stay With Me

/TORI/

"I should have gone with her. I should have taken her hand and refused to let go." My feet pace up and down the length of Sikowitz's classroom. "You should have seen how her father looked at me. He was furious." I wrap my arms around my chest, crushing them against my body to try and hold myself together. Whether it was to comfort myself or hold back the crippling guilt, I wasn't sure.

Probably both.

"I'm fairly certain that the whole school heard how angry Jade's dad was." Sikowitz sips from his coconut, chasing the straw around with his tongue. "But give it time and he'll come around."

"Yeah, he was probably shocked with the news of you two dating and didn't know how to handle the situation." Andre tries to offer helpfully from the side, but I can only grimace.

I didn't know how to handle it either. Within a matter of a few minutes, the world had been turned upside down and shaken. Everything Jade and I were, what we stood for and our love, was pulled into question and stomped on with expensive Italian shoes. I should be with her right now, I should have clung to her and stood my ground, but it had all happened so fast. I barely had enough time to try and argue before she was being pulled out of my grip. My Jade whisked away so her father could start refueling her with poisonous thoughts about me.

"You don't have to worry. Jade just texted me." Beck scrolls through the message. I practically jump on him.

"What did she say? Is she okay?"

"She said she's fine but she won't be at school for a few days. She's come down with some sort of virus."

I didn't believe that for a second.

"See? Now you can stop your worrying. Everything's chill." I can sense Andre's rubbing my back but I can't feel it. I can't feel anything but worry.

The whole message sounded off. I take Beck's phone and read the words over and over. Each letter had it's place, almost a cold and calculating rhythm to it. It might seem crazy, obsessive even, but the twist in my gut was practically screaming that it wasn't her. She didn't send this text voluntarily.

I'm fine. I've come down with a virus. I'll be back at school in a few days.

"You see, I've always viewed you and Jade like a coconut. Nothing to do with the shape, of course but because of the way you both combine. The milk of the coconut is the strong body and the shell is - where'd she go?" Sikowitz blinks and looks around just in time to see the door close.

I pull out my phone and dial for a taxi. I couldn't trust anyone to drive me. Not Trina, not Beck, not even Andre. Because I knew they wouldn't take me over there. They'd brush it off and tell me to relax, that I was overreacting and immediately turn the car around. But I knew there was something wonky going on.

"Brentwood Avenue." I rush out to the taxi driver before I had even pulled the car door closed. He nods and we slip out of the Hollywood Arts parking lot. My fingers fumble for my phone and I send a a text to Jade. Not like she would respond, or could respond. She -or whoever had her phone, had read my last twelve messages but hadn't answered.

We turn into her neighborhood and I start recognizing familiar buildings; the small candy shop where we'd shared a toffee apple and it had made my teeth glue together, much to Jade's amusement, the park where we had swung for hours back and forth, not even saying anything but just enjoying each others company.

None of these memories were making me feel any better.

The yellow cab makes another turn, lurching to the side just as my heart did the same.

There was a moving truck in her driveway.

I fist out a wad of bills and shove them into the driver's palm, not even bothering to count them. My fingers slip around the car handle and then my feet hit the gravel driveway, crunching in a panic towards the front door.

"Thanks." Jade signs her name on the bottom of a clipboard, her head suddenly jerking up when she hears my footsteps. Our eyes meet and she backs away, spitting up gravel underneath her boots as she runs back inside the house.

"Jade! Jade, wait!" I rush after her, seeing her retreat downstairs to her den. I don't even acknowledge that the West house was almost empty, the ornaments and possessions placed away in cardboard boxes. But I'm sure if I did, I'd be sick. I jam my foot in the door just as she's about to slam it shut, my hand reaching through the gap so she couldn't close it on me.

"Go away, Tori! I don't want to see you!" She snarls behind the door, an edge of desperation to her voice.

"Yes you do!" I push forward and overpower her, quickly shutting the door and using my body to block us in. "What's going on, Jade? Why haven't you been answering my text messages? Why didn't you come back to school? Why is there a moving truck outside your house?"

Her blue eyes harden. "I said get the fuck away from me. I'm not interested anymore."

If I had been anyone else, I would have almost believed her.

"Jade... you're shutting me out again. You can talk to me, you can tell me what's really going on-"

"There's nothing going on, you idiot!" She spits at me angrily. "I haven't been answering you because it's over, okay? It was fun while it lasted or whatever, but nothing serious was actually going to happen." Her glare pins me in place. "Did you think we were going to run off into the sunset together? Did you honestly think we stood a chance? Get over it, Vega. Shit happens."

"No...no, Jade. I don't believe you. This isn't you! It's him!"

"You have 5 seconds to get the hell out of my way."

I move away from the door and step straight into her, my lips crushing against her angry snarl. She groans and tangles a hand in my hair, threading my brown locks through her fingers, tugging them hard, almost painfully, but I don't ease up.

Her hands shove me back. "No! We're not doing this anymore!"

"This isn't you! It's not you!" I grab her more forcefully by the hips and her nails sink into my skin.

"Don't you get it, Vega? We can't do this. I won't do this!" Her eyes flash and I feel her lips mashed against mine again, our bodies twisting so they hit the bed.

"I hate you! I fucking hate you!" Tears have started rolling down Jade's cheeks, my hands moving to wrap around her wrists. "Don't you see I'm trying to protect you? Why can't you leave it alone!?" She flips us over, my knee grinding between her legs to hold her down.

"You are my protection, Jade! I love you, I fucking love you! So shut up because this isn't you!"

"I am not gonna be the one to take the selfish route!" She keeps thrashing, nails raking down my back as they claw at my shirt fabric. I yank it off and immediately go back to kissing her.

"I want you to be selfish, Jade! You have me, you have this!"

I grab her hand to put it over my heart but she yanks it away.

"You mean nothing to me! You have always meant nothing to me!" My own tears blur my vision at Jade's words. "You mean so little to me that I'm willing to give up everything so you can have what you want!" She crashes her lips back to mine, the salt of our tears mingling together between kisses "I'm moving away and there's nothing you can do or say to fucking stop me! It's done!

"I love you! I love you so much that it physically hurts, Jade! Isn't that enough? Doesn't that mean anything to you anymore?"

"It means the world to me but you don't get it! My father threatened to black ball you across Hollywood!"

I draw back, scowling down at her. "So you're going to just let him win!?"

"It's not as simple as that and you know it!" She growls and I can see her blue eyes battling the waves. Torn between hatred and exhaustion. "This will end you!"

"No! Me not having you, that's what's going to end me!" I push her chin up to devour those lips, her teeth sinking in and almost breaking skin. "I never pegged Jade West for a coward!"

"Fuck you! You're a manipulative bitch, Tori Vega!" Her eyes brim with tears and I wrap my arms around her to hug her close, my own tear stains leaving marks on the pillow. I keep squeezing her with desperation and her body finally surrenders underneath me, collapsing with a sob.

"I love you so much. I love you- I love you. I'm sorry, Tori. I'm so sorry-"

"Shh...it's okay. It's okay, Jade." I choke out through my tears.

Our arms keep clinging to one another, holding on like we would forget the way we felt together if we let go for a second. I knew that if her father had barged in right now, I wouldn't let go. I'd refuse to be separated from Jade. I had my arms wrapped around her because she was mine and mine alone.

We don't know what else to say so we just kiss, letting the silence do all the talking for us.

"Y-you're coming back to me..." I eventually break the quiet, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "You are coming back to me."

She doesn't hesitate. "I can't."

"I don't care if I never get a record deal. I don't care if I'm the most hated female in Hollywood-"

"Tori...stop. I know you care." She strokes my cheek. "You've always been a terrible liar."

"I'll work at children's parties or rundown motels..."

I feel her stiffen underneath me. "I won't let you."

"You can't stop me."

I watch her open and close her mouth, my eyes locked down on hers as if challenging her to say something. She couldn't stop me. I had found my girl, my happiness and all the reasons in the world to keep going. I wasn't about to give that up without a fight. I wasn't about to give that up at all. Jade can sense my stubbornness, my resilience and sighs.

"Stay with me tonight?"

"As if I'd ever leave." She balls herself up against my chest, burrowing her head into me.

"No more words. I'm done with words. Let's just lay here." I don't say anything but she can feel me nod, her fingers entwining with mine.

We lay there for what feels like hours, staying perfectly still like we had for our first kiss, when we had been so afraid to move because we thought it would ruin the moment. There was so much to say, but at the same time, nothing at all. I'm content with the silence. As long as Jade was curled up beside me. I knew we didn't know what to do but we don't let ourselves think on it right now, happy to simply enjoy and savor this small slice of peace - of private intimacy, in each other's arms.

If I had known what was going to happen the following morning, I would have stayed awake all night.


	34. Taking Off

/JADE/

There have only been a few times, which I could count, where my heart had been broken. Each time you're put through the suffering; the agony, the numb aches and the anger. It's pure torture each and every time, those scars and cracks lasting throughout your life, becoming a permanent part of you that you try in vain to patch up, only for someone to come along to tear your hard work to shreds, yet you keep building yourself back up. Hoping, praying that you've finally found the right person, someone who won't take pleasure in destroying a piece of you.

Lying to Tori felt like the equivalent of about 10 of those heartbreaks.

I could feel the lump growing in my throat as I untangled our arms and legs, the awful sick feeling in my stomach while I packed up the last of my things into a cardboard box. My eyes are watering but I force myself backwards, watching her sleep peacefully. I'd remember this moment, her body tucked up underneath the blanket, unaware that I was leaving. I wouldn't think of a few hours time, when she'd wake up and hate me forever. I couldn't even bring myself to say goodbye, the last remaining fragments of my heart finally breaking off to get choked halfway down my throat.

Tori. I love you. I'm sorry.

I wanted to leave a note, a small scribble to tell her how much she meant to me but I knew I wouldn't be able to find the right words. How could I even begin to express these last few incredible months on paper? Writing that my heart felt stronger, that my promise would always be with her made me feel weak. It was already taking all of my self restraint to not shake her awake, demand she kiss me one last time so I could have that imprint tattooed on my lips.

"Jade? Dad told me to come get you. It's time to go." I straighten up and turn to face my younger brother, his face etched with concern. "You okay?"

"No."

"You're not going to say goodbye?"

I almost choke again. "No."

"You forgot to pack something." He nods towards the last item remaining in my room and I walk over to pick up the little ceramic pot. It was a tiny rainbow box that Tori had painted in various shades of grays, blacks and dark blues, especially for me. She'd told me while painting it that some rainbows weren't always colorful but that didn't mean they still couldn't be beautiful. I crush the box to my chest and mentally place my heart inside of it.

"Tell him I'll be downstairs in a minute." I press a kiss to the smooth painted pot, setting it on my pillow for Tori to find when she woke up. If she knew how goddamn cheesy I was being right now, she'd be smiling so hard. I curl my fists at the bitter irony, turning my back to close the door.

"You'll really like it in Chicago, Jade. There's lots of theater programs for you to get involved with." I don't say anything in response to my step mother, climbing into the backseat of the car. I grab my seat belt and clip it in, turning to glare out of the window.

Like I was going to be making fucking small talk.

"I've had a chat with your father, he said he'd consider supervised visits with your Hollywood friends."

I laugh without humor. "Supervised visits? So I really am moving into a prison."

I watch her flinch in the rear view mirror but I don't drop my scowl.

"That's not what I meant, Jade."

"No. I knew exactly what you meant."

She sighs and gives up, waiting until my father started the car engine. I stay facing the window, pressing my forehead against the cold glass. My eyes stay firmly closed, unable to face all of the buildings and landmarks we'd pass by on our way out of town; Madison's cupcake cafe, Nozu, Hollywood Arts and finally, our look out point. I tried to block out the route, digging my nails into the upper part of my thigh. I'd driven up and down this road so many times for school that it felt weird to be leaving it all behind. In just a few hours time I'd be in Chicago starting a new life, and no one would even know... except Tori.

/TORI/

My hand reaches out blindly, desperate to grab hold of Jade, to cling to her and keep her with me. We would manage, I'd already decided we could. I'd concocted the perfect plan while we'd slept. She would go on to be a world famous horror movie director and I would get a cute little job as a waitress in a cafe. Everything would work out, we'd have enough money and that meant Jade wouldn't have to leave and we could get rid of this nightmare forever.

"Jade?" I keep fumbling around the sheets, frowning when my fingers touched smooth porcelain instead. "Jade!"

No... she hasn't. She wouldn't.

My fingers keep grasping the open air as if Jade would magically appear in the covers, sitting bolt upright in the bed. Her room had been thoroughly cleaned out, nothing left to remind me of who used to live here. Nothing except this ceramic rainbow box, the one I'd painted her that rainy day in Color Me Pot. She'd left it as a keepsake, a remember me by. But I hadn't even gotten a chance to say my goodbye!

"Fuck!" I cuss loudly, listening to it echo through the empty house; a shell of it's former West grandeur. "Fuck! Damn it, Jadelyn West!" I snatch up my phone, calling Andre while pacing up and down. "I can't believe you'd do this to me agai - Andre? Andre! I need you to drive to Jade's house now!"

"Why what's happened? What's goin' on Chica?"

"No time to explain. Just hurry!" I punch end call before he could reply, dragging my fingers through my hair in frustration. I couldn't be angry with Jade, I knew why she'd left without saying anything but it was still agony to be left alone, to wake up in an empty bed without her. I knew I had to see her one last time. I had to tell her I loved her because she disappeared. I throw on some clothes, not even caring that my shirt was inside out and stand outside to wait impatiently, practically jumping inside the car before Andre had even stopped.

"Hey now, easy. What's got you all twitchy? You're acting like my grandma." Andre looks me up and down. "And your shirt's inside out."

"None of that matters right now! Drive to the Los Angeles airport, step on it! Go!" I hit his steering wheel and he jumps, pressing his foot on the gas.

"Jade's leaving Los Angeles, isn't she?" Andre pushes the pedal a little harder. "That's why you're going to the airport."

"I can't let her go without saying a goodbye. She left without even waking me up!" I hunt around for my phone, jabbing the call button.

"Uh...hello? Tori?"

"Sinjin." I press the receiver tighter to my ear. "Sinjin. I need you to track Jade's phone location. She's on the way to LAX."

"Ohhh. Here comes that sweet feeling..."

I almost gag. "I don't have time for you to be creepy right now! You can track Jade's phone, right? Her password is..." I swallow a lump in my throat. "T305."

"Got it. Give me a minute to hack the phone and I'll pull up her location." I end the call, willing for the traffic lights to change faster at each intersection.

Each second that passed. I was losing her.

"How far are we from the airport?"

"About 5 minutes. Just gotta get through this traffic-" I didn't need to hear anymore, throwing open the door to drop into the middle of the gridlocked rush hour. I ignore the horns and angry shouts from the drivers, running as fast as I could through lanes and lanes of cars, with only one sole thought on my mind: Jade.

If she left for Chicago, I knew I'd never see her again.

Don't leave. Please don't leave yet. I'm coming!

I crash my way through the entrance doors of the airport, startling the security guards. My feet skid on the polished floor as I race over to the terminal boards, scanning each flight frantically for the word Chicago.

My phone vibrates in my pocket. I yank it out.

"She's at Terminal 8, just about to go through security."

I turn back to see two security guards heading my way, obviously wanting to question me about my erratic behavior. But I had no time. I spy an airport shuttle cart and make for the vehicle, jumping in the drivers seat to kick the engine into life. I can hear them shouting at me to stop but I don't, speeding past the terminals and counting them along the way until I reached 8.

"Jade! Jade West!" I screech the cart to a stop and tumble out of the seat, pushing my way through the crowd of people waiting to get through the metal detectors. "Jade! Stop!"

"Tori? Tori, what the fuck?"I watch her turn around, her airline ticket still held in one hand and the relief floods through me.

"Code 23, I repeat we have a Code 23. Hostile and potentially dangerous passenger in Security Sector." I reach out to grab Jade's hand, just as she does the same.

Our fingertips barely brush before a large shadow looms over me, blocking my view and heavy arms start to drag me backwards.

"No!"

I couldn't tell if that was Jade's cry or mine.

I could practically see the triumphant smirk curl on Mr West's face, firmly steering his daughter past the security borders and not even giving her a chance to turn back.

"Jade... Jade! I love you!" I shout out desperately over the barriers, my heart breaking as soon as she disappears from view. It didn't matter what happened, I would always imagine that she'd shouted it back but her voice had been lost in the crowd.

My Jade, my personal darkness had gone and left me with such a glaringly bright light that it hurt my eyes.

Some people would argue you don't need that darkness... but I would disagree.

You need a balance, to stop the dark from overpowering you, or the light to blind you completely.

"What in the name of sweet chiz did you think you were doing!?" Andre rushes over to me, giving a look at the burly security guards. "I promise she's not dangerous Officers. She just really had to say goodbye to her girlfriend..." I don't listen anymore, crumpling in on myself with a pained cry.

I knew I was making a scene but I didn't care. They didn't understand. No would understand. I'd found my happiness, my future and it had been taken from me too soon. They always say that time heals all wounds, but what happens if you keep tearing the wound open every time it tries to heal? Because that's what I was going to do. I would refuse to forget about Jade, ignore how much time tried to erase our memories together.

Time wouldn't heal this wound because I wouldn't let it.

It's all I had right now.


	35. Always & Forever

/TORI/

I don't even remember getting home until I'm outside the front door, my feet feeling as if they've been encased in blocks of cement; each movement agony. I'd gotten to say that I loved her, so why was I so empty, so numb? The answer was obvious but I still refused to say it because I knew it would cripple whatever strength I was using to get myself through the house and up to my bedroom.

"You actually have a chemistry set...and a microscope in your room. Wow." Jade picks up the little beakers, studying each one before setting them down. "Why don't you just go full on mad scientist and get an operating table in here?" I make a face at her, slurping on the straw to my apple juice carton.

"Because horror movie type things are more your forte." Jade chuckles, inclining her head in agreement.

"True. But I could still see you going mad scientist. One day you snap, dig up dead body parts and try and sew them back together to create a monster." She moves on to study my shelves next, skimming her fingers over everything, making sure she had touched every object in my room. "Is that what you wanted to be? A scientist?"

"Well, not really." I bite my lip, tapping on the top of my juice box. "If performing didn't work out - I was interested in psychology."

I can't take laying on my bed anymore, the memories assaulting me from all angles, tugging and prying at my heart strings until they were at breaking point. I rush over to the bathroom, pressing my hands down on the cool surface of the sink. It was almost soothing, the cold biting into my skin to make me feel something.

Jade tucks her knees up tighter to her chest, her arms linked around her knees to hold herself still. I wind my arm around her gently, a hand stroking over her thigh in comfort. I'd come upstairs to find Jade on the bathroom floor and I could recognize immediately it was another episode relating to the alleyway. I could tell they were getting easier each time she broke down, but that still didn't stop her from needing me every time her subconscious decided to attack.

"Ssh baby...don't say anything. Just breathe. You're safe, I'm here. I'll always be here for you."

Was - could this actually be worse than Jade being...dead? Knowing that she would be in Chicago, living a separate life without me and eventually meeting someone else? I regretted the question, shuddering at how sick it sounded.

Jade is alive...you just can't have her.

You won't be there the next time she needs you, you'll never learn anything else about her. Someone else will touch her, love her and she won't be the one waiting at the end of the aisle for you-

"Stop it!" I scream, slamming my hands over my ears. "Stop it! Stop it!" My fingers wrap around the soap dish and I throw it at the mirror, watching myself shatter into fragments, the pieces spraying over the bathroom floor.

No! No, it was too much! I can't take it! Please don't be real! It can't be real!

"Tori? Tori what the hell was that noise!?" I hear footsteps pounding up the stairs towards me, my body crumpling to lie in the pieces of glittering glass. I look up in a daze to see Trina in the doorway, her eyes going wide with shock. "Tori! Did you break our mirror? What are you doing lying in the glass? Get up!"

I don't move and she bends down to shift me, pulling my body against hers. It was wrong, all wrong. She didn't smell like Jade.

"Just...ssh, okay? Let it out." Her words seem to act like a trigger mechanism, my barriers crumbling. I cling to her shirt and cry like I was four years old again, my nose and cheeks getting wet all over from my tears, but Trina didn't care. She holds me tighter, a soothing hand running through my hair.

"I-I'm sorry Treen..." I try and speak through my hiccups, willing myself to stop crying. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry - I-I'll stop soon."

"Tori, no. You're my baby sister, you're allowed to cry." I can see her struggling with her words. "I know she meant a lot to you. It's not fair that her dad just split you guys up like that. I'd be just as upset... she was everything to you, anyone could see that."

"She didn't wake me up - she d-didn't even say goodbye!"

"Wouldn't it be easier to, I don't know, hate her? She was a gank for leaving you."

"But she was my gank!" My fist scrunches up Trina's shirt. "She was beautiful and a pain! I l-loved her s-so m-much. God, I just wish I could see her again - I would give absolutely anything to see her one last time."

"Hey babe? Turn around."

...

"...and then when Jade came back, Mommy wasn't hurting anymore."

"I want to hear it again." Lucy tugs insistently at Tori's shirt, her blue eyes brimming, those blue eyes so clearly from Jade. Tori chuckles and winds an arm around her wife, pulling her close while Jade cradles her coffee mug over a bloated belly.

"Aren't you getting bored of hearing the same story every night, Luce?" Jade turns to give Tori a light peck on the cheek.

"No way! It's got everything. Mommy running down the alley to save your life and defeating four bad guys, then running through the airport like a crazy person!"

"Wait. Defeating four bad guys?" Jade raises an eyebrow at her wife.

Tori blushes, fiddling with her wedding ring. "I might have exaggerated a little..."

"And what happened with grandpa again? Did he let you off the plane?" They both exchange a look.

"I... made grandpa realize that I had my own life to live." Jade leans close to press a kiss to Lucy's forehead. "Once he was far away in Chicago, he left us alone."

"Don't you miss him?"

"Not much, because I have you, Tori and - Oh ow. Vega...our son is kicking me again."

"Was that Alex? I wanna feel!" Lucy scrambles over to touch Jade's stomach, Tori taking her wrist gently.

"Now be very careful, Lucy. That's your baby brother in there. He still isn't ready to come out yet but he wants to say hello."

Jade gasps, holding her stomach. "Wow! This one's gonna be a kick boxer."

"Alright that's enough excitement, sweetheart. Auntie Cat and Auntie Sam are babysitting you tomorrow so you'd better get some sleep." Tori holds out a hand to help Jade up from the chair, taking the blankets to tuck them underneath Lucy's chin. "We love you very much and I -" she frowns, reaching down to pull out a pair of Jade's combat boots.

"I was keeping them under my bed until they fit..." Lucy mumbles and Tori just shakes her head, hearing Jade's laughter in the background.

"Goodnight, baby girl. We love you." Tori quietly shuts the door, knowing that Lucy couldn't sleep unless it was pitch black.

So much like her mother.

"You know, I love hearing that story." Jade takes Tori's hand to lead them to their bedroom. "It happened such a long time ago but because you tell that story every night, it keeps the memories alive."

"Oh yeah?" Tori smiles and helps Jade into bed, fluffing up the pillow before getting settled herself. "I just love how we've made ourselves a little family. I guess I never want to forget how it all happened."

"I know I won't forget, ever."

"I love you, Jade." Tori clicks off the light. "Do you wanna cuddle up?"

"Sure." Jade smirks and moves closer, making sure to press her freezing cold feet against Tori's bare back.

Tori jolts, muffling a squeal in the pillow.

"And I love you too, Tori."


	36. Special Credits & Mentions

SPECIAL CREDIT AND MENTIONS.

...

Kirsty (freak-thefreak-out)

My everything, my inspiration.  
Where would I be without you, baby girl? I wouldn't like to think.  
You know I love you and cherish you to the ends of the Earth and I hope I show you it everyday.  
Thank you for kicking me into action to write this story, without you -  
it would be yet another unfinished project. I love you.

Amanda (redqueen2213)

My rock, my light in the darkness.  
Thank you for reviewing the first few chapters and editing it to make it sound "less British"  
You're one of my favorites and I love you, for everything that you've done to care for me.  
I know I don't deserve you but I am truly thankful that you're still here. I will see you soon.

Yvonne (ourmoonandback)

My best friend and Scottish heart.  
It's true that we don't talk often but that doesn't mean I don't think of you.  
I want to thank you especially, for all of the incredible artwork that you've made for me.  
You're a true artist and I feel humbled that you spent the time crafting my vision with me.  
I won't ever forget you.

Reese (jscajones)  
My tumblr partner in crime.  
You get me, we get each other and I'm sure it's still the same after all these years.  
I miss you constantly and can't wait until I see you again.  
I can see you're doing really well in life right now and I wish you the best - you deserve it.

Alex (alexandraofthewoods)  
My madness, my aspiration.  
I know you've got your happy ending with your man and I'm so pleased for you!  
I want to thank you for getting involved with my obsessions (and not running away)  
You don't judge, you don't hate and I love you for all those reasons and more.

Kyle (kbavjorinsanity)  
My biggest fan.  
Kyle, my broski. You have shown unwavering support for me and the blog since Day 1.  
You've picked me up when I felt trodden on and helped me learn to love what I do  
I want to thank you for always being there and having my back.

AJ (penguinboy)  
My former partner, my original Tori.  
While things didn't exactly end smoothly between us, I still want to thank you for being my partner  
You helped set up the jadeandtori craze and I hope you're happy and enjoying life.

...

to the jadeandtorimakeablog followers.  
Thank you all especially for your patience, understanding and solid support with everything.  
Without you, there wouldn't be a blog so I want to say how much I appreciate you and love you.  
It hasn't been easy but it's definitely been a hilarious adventure from start to finish.  
I know I wouldn't change it for the world.  
And I feel truly honored how you've accepted the blog into the victorious fandom.

While it's true the blog and this fanfiction has to eventually come to an end,  
I hope we can always remember Vega & West, forever.

Thank you for everything,  
Emma.


End file.
